To tell MIL to wind her neck in

[senorasenora]

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

She's being ridiculous. If he really is upset, which is fair enough as he's still only little, why not text his mum to say what they'll be wearing and he can join in if he wants?
As for those it instills hate in, FFS, people really do get wound up about the most ridiculous things.
I have 2 ds's and when the eldest was around 5 or 6 he actively wanted to be dressed the same so I sometimes let them.
Never occurred to me some would be judgey pantsing as we went round the supermarket or wherever!
It's just a phase. He wouldn't be caught dead wearing the same thing now older

You might have to brace yourself and hope it doesn't turn into Matchy Gate and the demise of Sunday lunches in the future! People are really disappointing. Count yourself very lucky indeed if you have family that can rub along maturely.

I'd normally say that MIL should wind her neck in but to be honest I would encourage the boys to wear their matching clothes at other times and not make their cousin feel left out.

Rather than thinking of this as your MIL being mean, think of it as your nephew feeling left out. Then think do I think my son's would want to make their cousin feel left out.

Very sad people think that the nephew should somehow get over feeling left out. Not very nice at all.

I only dress mine the same on purpose if we're travelling (I have this crazy idea in my head that if one goes astray, I can just grab the other one and say - 'he looks like this but bigger/smaller/blonder/darker/whatever')

The kids are going to get bored of it soon enough I'd expect - so I wouldn't die on that hill for want of a couple more weeks of them enjoying it - perhaps you could get 3 t-shirts the same and take it round as a gift to include him (although that might turn it into more of a tradition than you really want it to be)

Oh no. Now you need to buy DH a matching outfit and teach your sons to say a few lines in unison, creepy horror film twins style.

LillithsFamiliar

"Is it the heat that is making everyone cranky or is it that MN now seems to be populated with posters who could start a fight in an empty house?"

I think it is the heat but I do like the idea of the fight in an empty house!

Time to get shopping OP...

Rather than thinking of this as your MIL being mean, think of it as your nephew feeling left out. Then think do I think my son's would want to make their cousin feel left out.

Very sad people think that the nephew should somehow get over feeling left out. Not very nice at all.

Agreed. I'm finding the comments saying this little boy should 'toughen up' pretty .

It has to be this one!

And the dog, if you have one

Could you shell out a few quid to buy three matching T-shirt’s and leave it at that?

FamilyOfAliens amazing photo.

No one's MAKING him feel left out. And left out of what exactly? And where does it end? That they can never wear matching items in his presence or until his fragile ego gives them permission to?
What they choose to wear is up to them and not anything to do with him. He sounds over indulged.

Message back and say 4 years old is the perfect time to begin dealing with disappointment.

OP, if it was your boy who was the only/ odd one out then how would you feel?

The 'I'm alright Jack' attitude is pretty unpleasant. As long as your boys are happy then who cares about anyone else?

@Vika1985

A few months ago my son was annoyed that his friends at his football class both had Real Madrid strips on and he didn’t have one. He has others to choose from so we told him that we weren’t buying him the Real strip.

Disappointing for him but that’s life. I guess the situation with my nephew is similar now I come to think about it

no, it's not. I think you have very little, if any understanding as to how being an only child can feel to a child. You're not alone, clearly, but that doesn't change that realising that you will never have a brother or sister and are, in some ways, on your own, is very hard.

Try to have a little empathy with how your nephew might be feeling. And make damn sure that your DC aren't leaving him out or saying anything that could make him feel like that. Though I hold out little hope that you'll help them understand how he might feel, given your own attitude.

Not sure why people have said YOU should buy matching Tshirts/outfits - you aren't the one with the problem! MiL or SiL can buy them if they are that bothered, then they can all wear the same (am sure the novelty will wear off after a couple of weeks!)

I won't attach photos of my own family, but this image from Pinterest is the sort of thing we might wear to a wedding. You could also have a google of Nigerian wedding outfits for more ideas!

Thanks for posting this, @Naijamama, I was thinking it would be some Motherboy horror, but that is actually pretty cool!

“Disappointing for him but that’s life. I guess the situation with my nephew is similar now I come to think about it“

Apart from the fact that a Real Madrid strip costs 50 quid and not everyone in Lugosi class had one. A matching shirt for your nephew would cost a fiver. But he ho. Better that a 4 year old learns that he can’t have everything he wants. Incidentally, when are your two going to learn that important lesson?

So now OP is responsible for the nephew being an only child? OMFG

OP what else will you compensate for? The list will just get longer and longer.

Why can't you call your SIL and check if this is a real concern or a misunderstanding by MIL - a quick 2 minute call will smooth over a family situation?

Why is everyone so combative on MN with their inlaws?

“So now OP is responsible for the nephew being an only child? OMFG“

Of course she isn’t. But there is something really simple she can do that will help him to feel better. Why the fuck wouldn’t she do that?

My DC went through a stage - about a year - of wanting to dress the same. I always felt like a complete nob tbh.

It is not about t-shirts, it's about family relationships.
You are supposed to be the adult here.