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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell MIL to wind her neck in

553 replies

senorasenora · 24/07/2019 11:30

We often go to my mother in law’s house for dinner on a Sunday. My DH’s brother and his wife come too. DH and I have two boys aged 5 and 2 and BIL and SIL have a son aged 4.

Since the weather has been nice I’ve bought the boys some summer clothes and some of it matches. I’m not normally in the business of dressing the boys the same - in fact I don’t really like it all that much but a couple of times we’ve been at MILs for dinner my younger son has said before he goes that he wants to match his big brother. My elder DS is quite happy with this as it’s a novelty. During the week I work and it’s much more difficult to get matching outfits sorted so to pacify younger DS we said he could match at the weekends.

I’ve just received a text from my MIL to say that she doesn’t want my son’s dressed the same for dinner at hers because my nephew is feeling left out.

To be honest I never even considered this. What should I respond? Should I let her dictate what my son’s wear?

I’m tempted to now make sure they match at all times.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Halo1234 · 24/07/2019 17:18

Is the nephew bothered or does mil just think he could be?
If nephew is upset then you absolutely should avoid it to protect his feelings. His cousins will be like brothers in his head if he is close to them and that should be nurtured. Out of love for your nephew dont do it. He is young and allowed to be irrational imo. As he grows he prob wont care but a young mind should never be left in a place of feeling isolated (even if his feelings are unjustified they are his feeling and can easily be respected and should be).

Italiangreyhound · 24/07/2019 17:18

brassbrass I meant that sincerely, if you were speaking of a personal situation, I was not making light of it. Thanks

Italiangreyhound · 24/07/2019 17:20

But my life is intertwined with my family, not their lives revolving around me. or vice versa.

Anyway, I think the OP needs to hear less from me so I will leave. All the best OP.

HeyHeyMckenzie · 24/07/2019 17:24

I wouldn't even think twice about this- I'd just go and get him a matching t-shirt. (Or jumper or whatever the match is)

He gets to join in the fun then, it's including him in something and he will be thrilled to be like his cousins. Plus it's a little gift and ime nephews (and nieces) are always chuffed to bits being made to feel special by an aunty.

Its just kind!

brassbrass · 24/07/2019 17:24

Jesus stop projecting! Hmm I'm not the one thinking this is an issue. You're beside yourself though. I thought you were flouncing off?

Bertrand yes the demands would just increase. Today it's a t-shirt tomorrow it will be something else. If you choose to misinterpret a post that's your lookout. You always over dramatise on these threads I bet you're hard work in real life and really passive aggressive!!

Howyiz · 24/07/2019 17:24

FFS BertrandRussell. So if the nephew decides he is upset because his cousins have siblings should his parents have another child to mollify him.
If your child didn't like dressing up at all should the child's friend not be allowed to play dress up?
Where do you draw the line?

brassbrass · 24/07/2019 17:26

Says the person who likened wearing a t shirt to ripping a tooth out...

And FYI I laughed with someone else who actually said it because I thought it was funny. Try and attribute comments correctly without twisting them as you also like to do.

NKFell · 24/07/2019 17:26

@senorasenora I have RTT. She's been called 'mad' and 'bonkers' and ridiculed no end. I would hate this thread to be about me, wouldn't you?

HeyHeyMckenzie · 24/07/2019 17:29

Wow this thread didn't go the way I expected....

BertrandRussell · 24/07/2019 17:30

“Where do you draw the line?”

I would draw the line at the point when it caused me or my children more inconvenience than I thought proportionate. Choosing not to wear matching clothes or buying 3 Primark T shirts does not fit that definition.

sqeakywheel · 24/07/2019 17:30

My dcs liked to be dressed the same. I thought it was weird but respected their choice. Your mil must respect their choice. If sil was that bothered surely she would have texted you to ask where you got the clothes from to buy a matching outfit?

sqeakywheel · 24/07/2019 17:31

You can buy matching adults and dcs clothes from Next.

brassbrass · 24/07/2019 17:34

I would draw the line at the point when it caused me or my children more inconvenience

There was no inconvenience until MIL decided to involve herself and text a command. It becomes very inconvenient to have to renegotiate with your own children on the routine that is already working for them and potentially upset one of them and also to start buying clothes for another child who is not your responsibility!

Howyiz · 24/07/2019 17:36

I would draw the line at the point when it caused me or my children more inconvenience than I thought proportionate. Choosing not to wear matching clothes or buying 3 Primark T shirts does not fit that definition

So why does the child's mother or grandmother not just buy three sets of clothes.
Why are you trying to vilify the OP because she can't afford to buy extra sets of clothes?

Italiangreyhound · 24/07/2019 17:37

"I thought you were flouncing off?" I am not flouncing I just said what i wanted to say, that's all.

Heatherjayne1972 · 24/07/2019 17:39

Maybe op should chat with the sil to see if there’s really an issue or not
My two boys like dressing in matching tops. It’s their choice
They also have a cousin of similar age who they’re close too who likes the same sort of top. Sometimes the cousin has clothes that they really like too
My sister and I just buy similar stuff

It’s really a non issue

BertrandRussell · 24/07/2019 17:47

“You always over dramatise on these threads ”

Loving the idea that the person who’s saying “hey, just do the easy kind thing” is overdramatising and the people saying “OMG - you’ll end up having to rip out teeth and take him to Disneyland so that they match!” are the voice of sweet reason!

khaleesi71 · 24/07/2019 17:49

It seems this has come from SIL who appears to have lost her ability to talk to other family members directly. I don't understand the need to accommodate nephews upset. He's 4 and rather than enable budding emperor syndrome, suggest SIL finds a grip and explains to her child that sometimes people dress differently. Does he want to wear a special outfit for lunch? We are over angsty enablers who seem to not want to deal with the minor disappointments that life throws at children. As you were OP

Celticrose · 24/07/2019 17:50

So if the two brothers were identical twins and were dressed the same would the cousin have to be dressed the same as well if he wanted to. Personally I do not understand dressing two kids of different ages the same as the Duchess of York did with Beatrice and Eugenie but not my circus not my monkeys.

brassbrass · 24/07/2019 17:51

Just do the easy thing? Keep buying clothes for a 3rd child that isn't yours and has his own parents? That was your easy solution? You're still being passive aggressive and ridiculous.

Isatis · 24/07/2019 17:53

Says the person who likened wearing a t shirt to ripping a tooth out....

Except she didn't

mbosnz · 24/07/2019 17:57

“OMG - you’ll end up having to rip out teeth and take him to Disneyland so that they match!”

You do have a knack for mis-paraphrasing. . . Grin

I do think that going along with what MIL has requested is the easy thing. I don't think that it's necessarily the right thing, in the long run. Or even in the short run.

Sceptre86 · 24/07/2019 18:15

Yanbu, I would just ignore. If your kids want to wear matching clothes that is fine. Your nephew is their cousin but not brother and there most definitely is a difference. Is it actually your nephew that is bothered by it and if it why can't his mum or dad match him eg. geen top for mum and son. I have a son and daughter and quite often they will wear the same colour or something that ties in with the other for special occasions eg. a red headband or tie.

We are going to a my dh's cousins wedding and mil had a bee in her bonnet that she wanted both her sons, my son and nephew to match. We searched high and low to find bloody waistcoats that they all liked. My dh prefers more fancy stuff whereas bill prefers more plain. Actually managed to find them and nephews came up small ( it fit the measurements we were given). Mil then decided that if nephew couldn't wear them noone would until dh said bill could try and exchange for a bigger size and that both he and my son would be wearing them. So I feel your pain with regards to your mil's comments. I wouldn't pander to her though.

BertrandRussell · 24/07/2019 18:22

“Just do the easy thing? Keep buying clothes for a 3rd child that isn't yours”

Nope. Sometimes do that. Sometimes suggest to your boys that they don’t match on this particular day. As I said. Be kind.

brassbrass · 24/07/2019 18:31

OR tell the nephew it's not important, he can have his own special outfit AND not make it the OP's problem at all.