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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher forgot daughter's leaving card and class picture

107 replies

lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 12:04

Hello everyone,

My daughter has been at school for 5 years (nine years old) and has always tried her best, had lots of friends and enjoyed school. We are having to move for my husband's new job and on her last day the teacher forgot her leaving picture and leaving card. My daughter was in charge of another students leaving card two weeks ago and has taken part in others as well which I think is making it worse for her.

This has had a negative effect on her emotionally and at a time of big change and uncertainty I feel it is such a huge oversight form the teacher. I feel it is a breach of her emotional care and such a sad note to end on.

I have e-mailed the head and made my feelings clear, she said it was down to human error but the teacher in question was reminded by one of my daughter's friends on the day. AIBU to be this upset and feel so let down by the school and the teacher?

Any thought or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

OP posts:
VivienneHolt · 23/07/2019 12:06

It’s a real shame for your daughter, I totally understand why she’s upset. It sounds like it really was human error and the teacher is probably mortified, but that doesn’t make it better for your daughter. I would try and treat her a bit to cheer her up.

gifdaft · 23/07/2019 12:08

YANBU.

It’s human error but to be honest I’d be really hurt.

ambereeree · 23/07/2019 12:09

Your poor daughter

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 23/07/2019 12:13

I think the least they could do would be to pop in in the post for you, have they not suggested that?

Original poster
lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 12:15

Thank you for your quick responses!!!

I agree VivienneHolt, she's a great lover of Ben and Gerry's so we had that for dinner. Bad parenting but it cheered her up! We are lucky because she has friends who all made an effort and the mum's are amazing! Over the hols were catching up with as many friends as possible so I know she will be fine. It's just really sad.

Thanks again everyone.

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 23/07/2019 12:15

Your not unreasonable to feel upset on behalf of your daughter but try to remember that the teacher is only human and as humans we can often forget things. I'm sure the poor women feels mortified that she forgot but there really isn't much she can do in this situation. You could ask the head to get her to send your daughters card etc in the post but it still will be tinged by the fact it didn't happen on the day.

I think the best thing to do is to try to move on and forget the whole thing. I doubt very much your daughter will remember it in a few months time. Don't let this one small thing cloud her happy memories of the 5 years she spent at the school.

KeepFuckingOff · 23/07/2019 12:16

This happened to my son, he left a school and the teacher said they would send on a leaving card signed by the whole class. It never happened and he was quite sad about it, I understand teachers are busy but I just think don’t say it if you can’t do it.

herculepoirot2 · 23/07/2019 12:18

It is a mistake. That’s all. Not nice for your daughter, but not malicious or deliberate.

Sagradafamiliar · 23/07/2019 12:19

I'd have thought that would be down to her friends/classmates. No teacher of mine ever gave me a leaving card or photo (I left a couple of schools) and I wouldn't have expected one.

userabcname · 23/07/2019 12:21

That is upsetting definitely. I remember at secondary school 2 members of my tutor group left at the end of y8 to go to other schools. Tutor obviously remembered the girl was leaving - on the last day of term she had a card we'd all signed, gift-wrapped presents etc. The boy had clearly been forgotten - tutor did a mad dash to her office and presented him with an (unwrapped) stapler and pack of pens...it was so obvious and awkward that he'd been forgotten next to the lovely array of things that had just been handed out to the girl. I guess it's easy to forget things but it is horrible when it happens!

zzzzzzzz12345 · 23/07/2019 12:23

When a girl in my daughters class left, it was the parents thatnorganiwed a leaving card, not the school? God love them, teachers have enough to do at this time of year without adding this sort of thing in too.

Your daughter will take her lead from you.if you act like it’s no biggy , rather than the end of the world, so will she.
.

annie987 · 23/07/2019 12:24

I’ve never worked in a school that does leaving cards for children. Nice idea but with the end of term madness easily overlooked.

Fibbke · 23/07/2019 12:26

No teachers would have ever done this at our primary. It would have set a really difficult precedent and added hugely to their workload.

Are you sure other parents didn't organise the ones before?

Original poster
lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 12:29

I understand that leaving card's aren't a thing all schools do. However, two children have left this year and had the card and picture taken. My daughter helped organised one of them so to be forgotten is quite hard for a nine year old.

No mention of posting one MummBraTheEverLeaking, but a good idea. I might ask them but I know they are all busy especially at the end of term.

OP posts:
Feelingwalkedover · 23/07/2019 12:31

My kids have swapped schools a few times ,never had a card or photo or anything.never crossed our minds to expect one

Pinktinker · 23/07/2019 12:32

My DC didn’t get leaving cards from their old school, I didn’t realise this was a thing. They weren’t bothered.

SophyStantonLacy · 23/07/2019 12:33

My daughter received a leaving card when she left in Y4, it meant a lot to her & she really treasured it.

I'm really sorry for your daughter OP, I totally see how she feels forgotten and overlooked. It would be nice if they could post it for her - or give to a friend who can pass it on?

Basecamp65 · 23/07/2019 12:34

I think it is sad that this has happened to your daughter but it really will be only a tiny little note in her life.

Encourage her to understand how mistakes happen and then quickly and I mean quickly move on - no following through, no chasing for the card. Let it just pass and be forgotten.

I went to 7 different primaries and literally cannot remember if any of them ever gave me a leaving car - I cannot remember a single teachers name. this will be the same for your daughter if you let it be.

SophyStantonLacy · 23/07/2019 12:35

Those who say their school didn't do anything - isn't that not really the point? Twice this year the OP's daughter has helped the class prepare a card for children who are leaving. It is reasonable for a 9 year old to expect the same ritual will happen for them...

Basecamp65 · 23/07/2019 12:35

Card - not car - I think I would have remembered if they gave me a car!!!!

MyCatHatesEverybody · 23/07/2019 12:37

What relevance is it that other peoples' DC's schools don't do leaving cards? The OP's daughter's school does do them.

YANBU to be upset OP, I think the previous suggestion of asking the school to post one is a great idea.

Lweji · 23/07/2019 12:37

I wouldn't want to make this a huge thing. Life is full of disappointments and people letting you down for whatever reason. I'm sure she will forget someone or you will at some point, if you haven't.

It was the last day, which is always never a good time for these things, and she has other friends.
There's a reason she helped organise other pupils' leaving card, etc. It was because the teacher didn't take it upon herself. It's inevitable that the helper (or the person arranging everything) is always let down.

She has to take the lead from you. Support her, but don't let it become a huge thing.

Fibbke · 23/07/2019 12:37

Well it didn't happen. Yes, sad. Take her out for pizza to celebrate the end of the chapter and move on. Don't dwell on it fgs.

Original poster
lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 12:39

THANK YOU SophyStantonLacy I think this is the problem. She is fine and I have spoken to her at length about it. In her end of year report her teacher put that she is too altruistic and she should know that her feelings matter too. Then this happens, luckily the other mum's have saved me and she is carrying around the presents she got, very cute!!!

OP posts:
mehhhh · 23/07/2019 12:45

I remember my dc last day at their old school, their teachers didn't even know they were leaving, and we gave a term notice. The teachers found out when they came out without their pe kits, so I had to go back in, ask for them and say it was their last day and bye. The headmistress didn't like us leaving for some reason so didn't tell their teachers, and so they didn't organise the usual leaving cards.

Week after we left, my dc's best friends in their old classes dropped round 60 leaving cards they made in class.