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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher forgot daughter's leaving card and class picture

107 replies

lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 12:04

Hello everyone,

My daughter has been at school for 5 years (nine years old) and has always tried her best, had lots of friends and enjoyed school. We are having to move for my husband's new job and on her last day the teacher forgot her leaving picture and leaving card. My daughter was in charge of another students leaving card two weeks ago and has taken part in others as well which I think is making it worse for her.

This has had a negative effect on her emotionally and at a time of big change and uncertainty I feel it is such a huge oversight form the teacher. I feel it is a breach of her emotional care and such a sad note to end on.

I have e-mailed the head and made my feelings clear, she said it was down to human error but the teacher in question was reminded by one of my daughter's friends on the day. AIBU to be this upset and feel so let down by the school and the teacher?

Any thought or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 23/07/2019 12:53

I think this is an excellent opportunity to speak to your daughter about how people sometimes make mistakes or forget things, but how it is nothing to do with her as a person.

Don't just tell her that she should get over it because the world doesn't revolve around her though, like my mum did!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 23/07/2019 12:53

Our school does that. Not the photo but the card. Maybe the class can do one in September?

lesleyw1953 · 23/07/2019 12:53

Could you ask the school to get her class to make a scrap book with their photos in - also the staff's photos - and a short paragraph from each about their experiences/memories of your daughter? If they are wary of the photos each child could draw themselves. I used to do this when a child left my class

Lweji · 23/07/2019 12:53

She is fine and I have spoken to her at length about it.

Did she want to talk about it, or did you push the conversation?

Namechangedonceagain · 23/07/2019 12:54

As a teacher, I'm sorry for your daughter, but teachers are human too, and mistakes do happen. She probably feels horrific. Not sure I'd have emailed the head to try to get her in trouble for also being a human.

growlingbear · 23/07/2019 12:54

Have a word with a close mum friend and ask if they would throw a leaving party for her, which you will pay for and organise, in the local play park or similar. (Just so she gets invited rather than doing the inviting herself. Make sure she has a big send off during the summer, with a massive card signed by all her friends and a goodbye present. That'll eclipse the school's oversight.

JemSynergy · 23/07/2019 12:58

My son moved schools when he was in year 1, we literally gave a few days notice we were leaving and his teacher made a card and got everyone to sign it, it was really lovely and we still have it. Yes, it is human error but I can see why it would be upsetting to your daughter especially when she's helped to organise leaving cards for others. We all have enough to do at the end of a term but even as parens we find the time to send leaving cards or presents to teachers, it is just something nice to do!

Original poster
lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 13:01

Lweji my daughter is very chatty so I had no choice but to explain that these things happen at length whilst comforting her. She is very sad to leave the school and all her friends.
I am playing it down and being cool. I just wanted to know if I am being unreasonable because it is a hurtful situation for her.

Thank you to everyone who has responded. We will go out for pizza and put it behind us!

OP posts:
1066vegan · 23/07/2019 13:02

That's really sad for your daughter and I can see why she felt left out. But, as others have said, it's just a mistake, the teacher's probably feeling mortified and - in the long term - it won't seem such a huge thing.

It sounds as if other children left mid-year and your daughter left at the end of the year. It's so much easier to be aware of children who are leaving in the middle of the year and to make time to do a card for them. The last week of term is quite manic and it's very easy to overlook things.

btw you said that your daughter's been at the school for 5 years, but that's not really relevant. She's (presumably) been in that teacher's class for a year. When she started school is unnlikely to be on the teacher's radar.

kateandme · 23/07/2019 13:05

yes its shit.but as the teachers have dropped their responsibilty off on this(wonrgly) id focus now on how to repair you dc feelings.so maybe take her out for treat.or get nice tea in.and just really hammer down this this is nothing to do with her or who she is.and how much the friends and class loved her.but that humans are really silly sometimes and forget the most importnat things sometimes.how this time of year there is so much going on the most random things can be forgotten but it would never be meant as anything.perhaps try and come up with an example of how dads forget tickets to something or youve gone in the supermakrt for a chicken and come out without it.try and lighten it as something all people do.but you totally understand her feelings.

diddl · 23/07/2019 13:06

When you say forgot-do you mean didn't do it at all or didn't hand it over?

If your daughter helped previously-was a teacher also involved?

thedayofthethreeMagnums · 23/07/2019 13:10

Sounds like you are making far too much of a big deal about moving than you should.

a breach of her emotional care seriously?
It's a mistake, it happens, really not a big deal.

RunningFeisty · 23/07/2019 13:14

This is why the next generation is going to be a massive bunch of snowflakes.

Toastedstrudel · 23/07/2019 13:21

Have you never forgotten anything? Not sure you understand the madness of a teacher’s workload especially at the end of the year.
It’s disappointing for your daughter but you are definitely ‘that parent’ being laughed about in the staff room for contacting the headteacher over this.
Unbelievably precious!

HouseworkAvoider10 · 23/07/2019 13:31

YABU.
Pity it was forgotten.
Can she not post it on to you?

But I think teachers have enough to be doing at the end of term as well as stuff like this.

StarlightToCasualMoths · 23/07/2019 13:32

The key difference here (IMO) is that it sounds as if the other pupils left during the school year.

At this time of year the school will have a whole cohort leaving to transfer to their next school and I would imagine your daughter was considered in a similar light even though she is Y4.

Teachers are exhausted and will have had 101 other important things to do and deadlines to meet. I'm sorry your daughter was upset but doubt very much that it was malicious.

Sagradafamiliar · 23/07/2019 13:32

Your daughter has had plenty of fuss over her: friends, the other mums, presents, ice cream for dinner and now a trip out for pizza. Most people leave schools and workplaces unceremoniously as that's just life. You're setting her up for future falls.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 23/07/2019 13:32

Can't believe you emailed the head.
YABVU.
Please don't be one of those parents.

Loopytiles · 23/07/2019 13:35

Sad for your DD, but you were U to email the head. These kinds of things are above and beyond teachers’ duties. Agree though that this should either be done consistently or not at all.

doodleygirl · 23/07/2019 13:37

You do realise that as a parent it is your job to teach resilience? I am absolutely speechless and fail to understand why you have allowed it to become such a big thing.
Perhaps you need to look at your own emotional care of your DD and stop acting like this is such a catastrophe.

LegionOfDoom · 23/07/2019 13:41

I have spoken to her at length about it

Maybe this was the problem? Speaking at length about something, that will most likely be forgotten soon, is making a bigger deal out of it that it needed to be. I understand your dd is upset and disappointed but you don’t need to dwell and have a huge discussion about it. I get the feeling that you’re more upset than your dd is.

Agree with others that maybe you can ask if they can send one on

Nanny0gg · 23/07/2019 13:42

It's not U to email the head.

It is horrible for the child to think the school didn't care -especially when leaving cards are the norm.
I know schools are busy but it's not that hard to do - I've done enough myself.

Just takes a bit of thought ( and kindness)

LegionOfDoom · 23/07/2019 13:42

doodleygirl

Completely agree with you

thedayofthethreeMagnums · 23/07/2019 13:43

At most, the normal reaction would have been to email the school saying the card - because you know it exists -has been forgotten and could they possibly forward it, or could you pick it up if you haven't moved yet.

Complaining about it to the head is ridiculous.

Nanny0gg · 23/07/2019 13:43

It’s disappointing for your daughter but you are definitely ‘that parent’ being laughed about in the staff room for contacting the headteacher over this.

I highly doubt that. Most staff would have a bit more empathy than that.

There's plenty of adults on here upset about being overlooked in their workplace - where's their 'resilience'?