Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher forgot daughter's leaving card and class picture

107 replies

lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 12:04

Hello everyone,

My daughter has been at school for 5 years (nine years old) and has always tried her best, had lots of friends and enjoyed school. We are having to move for my husband's new job and on her last day the teacher forgot her leaving picture and leaving card. My daughter was in charge of another students leaving card two weeks ago and has taken part in others as well which I think is making it worse for her.

This has had a negative effect on her emotionally and at a time of big change and uncertainty I feel it is such a huge oversight form the teacher. I feel it is a breach of her emotional care and such a sad note to end on.

I have e-mailed the head and made my feelings clear, she said it was down to human error but the teacher in question was reminded by one of my daughter's friends on the day. AIBU to be this upset and feel so let down by the school and the teacher?

Any thought or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

OP posts:
Lizzielocket · 23/07/2019 16:49

I’m sorry for your DD but I really don’t get all this fuss about leaving school cards, proms, parties, presents and unnecessary fuss.
It seems like every life stage our kids have these days has to celebrated in some way.
DD left primary school, no fuss, she was excited about it being the 6 weeks summer break. Couldn’t give a crap she had left primary.
DS left primary, walked out the gate and didn’t mention the school ever again.
To me this is normal.
There’s always so much fuss and drama about everything, no wonder kids are growing up wet.

StormTreader · 23/07/2019 16:52

Unfortunately this is something the teacher or the school have brought on themselves.
If you start doing something like this then you accept the obligation to do it for everyone - who did the teacher put in charge of doing your DDs card two weeks ago?

You can't just do it when you have time, either everyone gets it or no-one does and the teacher should have already contacted you apologising and offering a solution.

LostInNorfolk · 23/07/2019 16:52

Was it the last day of term? Not the same as leaving mid-year.

You do realise that no other child leaving that school will ever get a card and photo again.

Girasole02 · 23/07/2019 16:59

As a teacher, this is the kind of incident that prevents colleagues going 'above and beyond.' It quickly becomes the norm and an expectation. At the start of my career, I used to do stuff like this, organise or be on every trip, the list goes on. It soon became a given and parents and colleagues soon took advantage. In short, it became another stick to bash me with and criticise rather than acknowledge that these things were additional extras that I contributed to for the benefit of the students.

PixieLumos · 23/07/2019 17:00

This has had a negative effect on her emotionally

She’s upset. You’re DS is upset - rightfully so, but why the OTT language?

A beach of her emotional care?? Get over yourself. This makes you sound like you’re getting a kick out of making a big fuss out of this.

I feel for your daughter, but the end of term is a hectic time and it was most likely an honest mistake and I’m sure the teacher feels terrible about it. Ask for it to be sent in the post.

HeadintheiClouds · 23/07/2019 17:07

What is a leaving picture? I can’t believe you emailed the head about this; how did they respond?!

PixieLumos · 23/07/2019 17:09

YANBU. That is very hurtful for your child and frankly the teacher in question “requires improvement.”

Although OFSTED are known to put teachers under pressure and sometimes have unreasonable expectations, I don’t think ensuring leavers cards are handed out is one of them.

fedup21 · 23/07/2019 17:10

You do realise that no other child leaving that school will ever get a card and photo again.

This.

My head would say enough was enough and it was more more trouble than it was worth so ban leaving cards. It will probably become known as ‘Lilykinsgate’ in the staffroom.

Nice work.

HeadintheiClouds · 23/07/2019 17:12

I’m confused at the time line, did you pull her out very close to end of term, or did her “leaving” date coincide with end of term for the whole school??

pepperpot99 · 23/07/2019 17:15

Tell Ofsted and social services. It's a breach of your dd's emotional care and tantamount to abuse/ neglect. Utterly horrific and the teacher in question ought to be sacked.

Fibbke · 23/07/2019 17:19

DD left primary school, no fuss, she was excited about it being the 6 weeks summer break. Couldn’t give a crap she had left primary.
DS left primary, walked out the gate and didn’t mention the school ever again.
To me this is normal.
There’s always so much fuss and drama about everything

Agree 100%

crimsonlake · 23/07/2019 17:22

Similar thing happened to one of my son's and yes whilst it is a disappointing I hope you do not go about turning it in to a big issue for your daughter. Look to the future now, new school and friends etc, build on that and make it your focus.

Nanny0gg · 23/07/2019 17:25

There are some really nasty posts on here.

Yes, tell a 9 year old that it doesn't matter that she was forgotten. She needs to be resilient and not care.

Because a little bit of thought and kindness is just too much to expect.

Yes it was a mistake. Yes the OP has probably gone over the top.

But I've seen the direct result of this with my Dgd who left due to bullying. And it reinforced her feeling that they all hated her- including the teacher

Basketofkittens · 23/07/2019 17:26

This is a good lesson in resilience for your daughter. Mistakes get made. She won’t remember it in a few weeks.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 23/07/2019 17:29

Because a little bit of thought and kindness is just too much to expect.

The trouble is what can you say in this situation, it was an accident and of course they didn't do it on purpose. However, nothing you say is going to change the situation so it would have been best to not make a huge fuss of it. That way the child would forget about it quicker and focus on the lovely summer holidays and exciting new bedroom at her new house that she has in front of her.

notsohippychick · 23/07/2019 17:36

Are leaving cards a part of the teachers remit now?!! Jesus. No wonder they are worked to death.

Can’t believe you complained to the head!!

TheFairyCaravan · 23/07/2019 17:38

There's some right nasty people on here. OP's DD hasn't left primary school, she's left a school to go to another school, in a different area because of her dad's job. Therefore she's leaving all her friends behind too. Do you have any idea how daunting that is? I do because my kids have done it multiple times.

Yes, it was a mistake, but she's 9. Of course she's going to be hurt.

HeadintheiClouds · 23/07/2019 17:42

But all her friends have given her presents, op says. She hasn’t been ignored.

NavyBerry · 23/07/2019 18:06

This is very sad. Such little things matter and not all those tons of paper they have to fill in... sorry for your DD

Lweji · 23/07/2019 18:10

Tell Ofsted and social services. It's a breach of your dd's emotional care and tantamount to abuse/ neglect. Utterly horrific and the teacher in question ought to be sacked.

FFS. Have some people lost all sense of proportion?

HeadintheiClouds · 23/07/2019 18:12

I think that was sarcasm? Could be wrong!

NoLeopard · 23/07/2019 18:13

I thought that post was being sarcastic!

NoTheresa · 23/07/2019 18:14

Requires improvementwas meant to be tongue in cheek given that this is the term used when teachers are endlessly, and often unfairly, assessed.

Oh well.

Lemonlady22 · 23/07/2019 18:20

i made something in class and the teacher wanted to put in on show for end of year....she said she would send it on to me (we were moving house). Im still waiting 50 years later....shes prob dead now. (if i remember it it obviously upset me so i know how your daughter feels bless her)

Lweji · 23/07/2019 18:22

So sorry for missing the sarcasm, but considering the OP and some posts...