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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher forgot daughter's leaving card and class picture

107 replies

lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 12:04

Hello everyone,

My daughter has been at school for 5 years (nine years old) and has always tried her best, had lots of friends and enjoyed school. We are having to move for my husband's new job and on her last day the teacher forgot her leaving picture and leaving card. My daughter was in charge of another students leaving card two weeks ago and has taken part in others as well which I think is making it worse for her.

This has had a negative effect on her emotionally and at a time of big change and uncertainty I feel it is such a huge oversight form the teacher. I feel it is a breach of her emotional care and such a sad note to end on.

I have e-mailed the head and made my feelings clear, she said it was down to human error but the teacher in question was reminded by one of my daughter's friends on the day. AIBU to be this upset and feel so let down by the school and the teacher?

Any thought or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

OP posts:
ladygracie · 23/07/2019 13:44

Those who say their school didn't do anything - isn't that not really the point? Twice this year the OP's daughter has helped the class prepare a card for children who are leaving. It is reasonable for a 9 year old to expect the same ritual will happen for them...
This is exactly what I came on to say. It is completely irrelevant if other schools don’t do it - this child’s school does. Emailing the head is fine & absolutely doesn’t make you THAT parent. It would be fine to email the teacher and ask them to post it. I’d be happy to do that especially if I had made the mistake.

HelpIcantfindaname · 23/07/2019 13:48

3 of my children left last week. We cant use photos on leaving cards. But each child drew a pic & wrote their name on pieces of paper, which I stuck to the A3 cards. One little girl was picked up 2 hours early unexpectedly, we said goodbye, but it wasn't until hometime, when I got the other cards out that I realised I had forgotten hers. I felt terrible. But teachers are human, & very busy & very tired at the end of term. And I hadnt been prepared for her leaving just after lunch. The card is too big to pop in the post. I feel really bad but there's not a lot I can do. I just hope the little girl is not too upset.
My DD10 changed schools at the end of Year 2 & still has the card her friends made.

GreenTulips · 23/07/2019 13:48

They did this to DD

So I arranged a class party in the park one afternoon, being a plate and blanket.

I took rounders kit and a few toys, balls, bubbles etc

They had a great time

Letseatgrandma · 23/07/2019 13:48

Did the teacher put your child in charge of the previous leaving card or did she decide to do it by herself?

Have to say, in 20 years of teaching, I’ve never made a leaving card for a child!

If this had have been my child-I would have said-‘oh dear, never mind-it’s just a card!’ and got some photos after school to keep. It sounds like you have let this blow up into something rather out of proportion.

checkoutno3please · 23/07/2019 13:51

. I feel it is a breach of her emotional care

Really OP ? Get a grip!

Teachers are a bit busy this time of year.

FFS

checkoutno3please · 23/07/2019 13:53

*You do realise that as a parent it is your job to teach resilience

@doodleygirl - well said !
*

Original poster
lilykins1 · 23/07/2019 13:55

The teacher put her in charge of the leaving card to the child two weeks before. She had to make sure everyone signed it.
I did downplay it and the ice cream was the "make you feel better" part from me.
I am making lots of time for her friends before we leave and the house is packed up so we don't have to think about it. I can see I was probable hasty emailing the head but I can't help but feel strongly about what happened under the circumstances.

Thanks again to everyone.

OP posts:
lmusic87 · 23/07/2019 13:57

I used to be a TA, and usually its the TA who does all of this.

At the end of term everything is so mad, it was just a mistake.

diddl · 23/07/2019 13:58

If it's something that usually happens though it hardly makes Op's daughter "unresilient" to expect the same treatment & be upset when it doesn't happen.

Paramicha · 23/07/2019 14:07

It's a shame, but these things happen.
you have to move on though and sounds like it's a good time for your dd to learn about knock backs, human error and unfairness.
tell her to look to her new school now, she's left her past school.

Dillydallyingthrough · 23/07/2019 14:09

OP YANBU - my DD moved school at 10 (now 15) and this happened to her. She's never forgotten even though we downplayed it and talked about everyone making mistakes sometimes. We were back in the old area at the end of the next term at the fayre - the teacher dug it out and gave it to her - she's kept it. It really affected her confidence at the time - she was very hurt (especially as like your DD she had been involved in others leaving cards, etc).

Swoopinggulls · 23/07/2019 14:16

I'm all for teaching resilience but it's a shame this happened.
I was a teacher myself and know how busy it is, but the child was promised something and it was forgotten, so she's justified in feeling hurt.
I hope the teacher forwards it.

NoLeopard · 23/07/2019 14:21

So did they actually forget to do one or just forget to hand it over?

MaybeitsMaybelline · 23/07/2019 14:49

A sad note to end on yes, but I feel it is a breach of her emotional care - say what?

flumposie · 23/07/2019 15:12

I am sorry your daughter was upset. But to email the head is a massive over reaction. I'm sure it was a genuine mistake .

VapeVamp12 · 23/07/2019 15:15

I feel it is a breach of her emotional care

What the teacher was planning to do was above and beyond her role though. It's really unfortunate she forgot but I think complaining to the head is about out of order. The teacher probably already feels horrible about it.

SachaStark · 23/07/2019 15:33

Crikey, is she leaving school this week?

Believe me, the last couple of weeks of term are horrendously busy... I've forgotten several times this week that I'M leaving tomorrow!

It's only just occurred to me, amidst all the school trips, organising, checking schemes are finished and assessments filed away that I really ought to pack my stuff Confused

It's a shame your daughter is disappointed, and hopefully they can forward it on to you. But, you're the adult in this situation, so you ought to be able to understand that sometimes things are so awfully busy that something goes amiss. Complaining to somebody's boss about them not completing a task which is beyond their usual remit and goes above the call of duty is extremely uncool.

Yeahnahmum · 23/07/2019 15:49

Ott reaction with emailing the head...gosh
And you made it worse by talking at length to her about it etc
Just acknowledge it was a mistake. That it is sad but does things happen and it wasn't because they didnt like her
And then go out and by her icecream haha
She is 9. She will be ok if you make her feel it is ok

NoTheresa · 23/07/2019 15:57

YANBU. That is very hurtful for your child and frankly the teacher in question “requires improvement.”

NoTheresa · 23/07/2019 15:59

No excuses. Either everyone gets a leaving card or no one gets a leaving card. Simple as that.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 23/07/2019 16:05

No excuses.
frankly the teacher in question “requires improvement.”

It was a mistake. She didn't do it on purpose. For goodness sake no one is perfect and I hope to god if you ever make a simple mistake like this that no one makes any excuses for you and implies you are terrible at your job! There really is no need for such a strong reaction even the OP has admitted she was hasty in messaging the headteacher.

checkoutno3please · 23/07/2019 16:21

YANBU. That is very hurtful for your child and frankly the teacher in question “requires improvement.”

FFS get a grip !

I am astounded by some people's perceptions of what teachers should and shouldn't be doing.

fedup21 · 23/07/2019 16:23

YANBU. That is very hurtful for your child and frankly the teacher in question “requires improvement.”

Blimey-I hope you are perfect and have never forgotten anything ever.

flumposie · 23/07/2019 16:39

'requires improvement ' Jeez, it's really not part of a teacher's job description to do this kind of task. Get a grip everyone wringing their hands. Nice if they remember but seriously..

SuperSara · 23/07/2019 16:43

YABVU.

You need to teach your daughter resilience and you yourself need to stop blaming overworked teachers for something that's been forgotten but which they shouldn't be responsible for anyway.

A 'breach of her emotional care', my arse!

Pull yourself together FGS.

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