To think that Ward I’m on should just abandon pretence they have visiting hours?

[MarieVanGoethem]

I’ve been in hospital since the 3rd of July. On current Ward since the 9th. I fully support a bit of flexibility with visitors where possible & needful, don’t get me wrong.

Thankfully I’ve not had a repeat of my time on the acute ward when I had a night with the [volatile & abusive] woman opposite me’s son sitting in the chair by her bed, where he was not meant to be, which was opposite my bed. (To be clear, he v definitely wasn’t allowed to be there & Official Questions Are Being Asked about why he wasn’t removed.)

However, when visiting hours are 2pm to 8pm, people rolling up before half nine is... & yes, that means visitors as well as patients are overhearing Ward Rounds. And people stay well beyond 8pm as well, about 10-10:30pm being the standard. So I’ve had several days where the bay has been full of the noise & bustle of extra people (I’ve only been allowed up unaccompanied since late Sunday afternoon; & my ability to walk as far as the day room with one of my visitors [which of course is ALSO busy anyway] was only reached a few days before & tbh couldn’t really be relied on) 12[+] hours.

I’m now at the point where I’m “just” waiting for a care package to be arranged. But “medically fit for discharge” =/= “boundingly good health”. Woman in bed opposite currently has about half a dozen visitors (who traipsed in last night at almost quarter to eleven to take some more pictures of the view to go with the ones they’d taken a few hours earlier - to be fair they’d spent a few of hours in the day room after a few in the Bay); woman beside me has 2.

Am willing to accept I may be being grumpy-frustrated because I’ve been v ill & it’ll be far too long for my liking before I’m better (well, for a given value of better, don’t think the complex health needs are going anywhere ); my NJ tube is irksome; I have a sore throat & earache; & although I am now allowed up alone I’m still walking like I’m doing some kind of interpretive dance & until yesterday my feed was running for 20 hours so was having to trundle an IV pole (a sticky-wheeled one, naturally) about most of the time (will get 6 hours off today though: upped the feed rate: woo!); etc etc Reasons, blah... but it does all just seem a bit pointless having the rules really; & I’ve people who could visit me if they trotted up outside hours, but it just feels Wrong. I’ve literally NEVER been on a Ward that ignores Visiting like this. Closest I’ve come is the time my friend was allowed to stay an extra 30 minutes (we didn’t notice time, they didn’t announce end visiting & nobody else was visiting our Bay at that point) because my nurse thought it was really good for me & we weren’t disturbing anyone.

So essentially, AIBU unreasonable to think this Ward needs to either stop pretending they have visiting hours; or actual enforce the 2pm-8pm rules [other than in specific/exceptional circumstances]?

Generally, in my experience, the people complaining about other people’s visitors tend to have friends / families who either don’t visit or leave very quickly.

Well, visitors staying round the clock, which is the whole point of the thread, kind of gives the lie to ”people have busier lives, it would impact too heavily on them to have to stick to set visiting hours”?

I was simply raising why more flexible visiting is necessary.

Ok some people take the piss and doss around the bed making a racket.

Some work full time and have kids and other commitments and will also have a need to be there for whoever is ill. So in these circumstances flexible visiting is a good thing?

My band 6 backed me up. I probably could have took it further it to be honest its same shit, different day. We are always in the firing line. You kind of get used to it.

Maybe your managers taking a firmer line would make it easier for all of you. You sound worn down by it, but that’s a crying shame

A pp referenced when “matrons ruled the wards”. It’s a shame that’s no longer the case, removing that layer of management seems to have led to utter chaos and anarchy.
Bet nobody ever abused the nursing staff under matron’s eye without being carted out in a headlock.

Crosscrosscrackers that backs up my point about the public having less respect for healthcare workers now. And you’re right it’s a certain amount of entitled me me me attitude too.
I know it’s a load of hassle but it can be worth taking these things further. Relatives can be banned for abusive and aggressive behaviour - depending how committed management are to upholding the warning signs on the walls!

I’ve just been remembering a formidable matron I worked with in the 80s. She was a nun and wore her full habit and veil. No one pushed their luck with her! She had a killer stare that stopped you right in your tracks. She had her faults - no filter and no diplomacy for a start. I remember her shouting down the length of the ward to me “come on nurse it’s time to teach you how to lay out the dead”!! the patients faces were a picture!
But she would have made mincemeat of any trouble maker without batting an eyelid. She had our backs 100%.

The surgical ward I end up on has strict visiting. It’s 1:30-3pm and 6:30-8pm and they ring a bell to signal the end of visiting and will throw people out if they don’t leave. Outside of those times if people want to visit you have to sit in the day room at the front of the ward.

I much prefer that to open visiting, especially as often most people have loads of visitors and it’s not pleasant sitting there with all those people in the bay as well. If they stuck to the two visitors at a time rule it would be much better.

I don’t understand why all hospitals no longer operate this, Southwest

Some people require a carer there at other times. My child as an adult will require someone with him all the time and a randomly appointed carer wouldn't work.

Well, maybe operate a case by case basis then.

Some people actually needing a carer shouldn’t open the floodgates for others to have full extended families hanging round the ward round the clock.
And there should be no question of anyone behaving in an abusive manner towards anyone else in the ward being allowed to remain, whatever their purpose in being there.
Or allowed to return, either. It’s probably the tolerance for this behaviour that’s changed rather than the inclination to the behaviour in the first place.

A carer being there is what would stop my son behaving in an abusive ( although not deliberately) way towards other people, which is why he would need at least one there.

I wasn’t talking about the patients . They kind of have to be there...

I visited my terminally ill
Husband everyday out of visiting hours with consent from the ward. 2-8 doesn’t work when you have school children that you still have to get to school and pick up. Especially when the hospital was an hour away and non of his family bothered.

End of life care and dedicated carers, spouse or, translator (as demonstrated by the other two patients in my case) obviously not included.
Something will have to change because situations like staff being intimidated (I witnessed this myself on the ward) or threatened is not on.
Because of my experience in that ward I refuse to stay now. I've had two surgeries since, both done as day surgery so I recover at home.
Seeing it once was enough for me, God knows how the staff manage.
It's madness.

I have only been in Hospital once, to have my child. I have worked in and visited lots!
The thought of being ill and in my pjs in a hospital bed with a bunch of strangers coming in and out and staring etc fills me with DREAD. The invasion of privacy, horrific. I hope to god I am never ill.

I can understand that some patients prefer company, for others the loss of dignity that comes with an audience when they have to lie in bed at their most vulnerable, that's pure hell

YY

I don't think flexible visiting being convenient to someone outstripped my right to some dignity to be honest.

End of life care/carer requirements/children etc are a completely different case and - as we all should be - should be somewhere private and dignified.

When I was in last week I had a sudden flood and ended up sat in a pool of my own blood - I said 'shit!' and put my hands in it - I them had to get off my bed try to wipe my bloody hands on wipes and grab some clean clothes and incontinence pads as I was having to wear those and walk across the ward dripping to the bathroom with four male visitors gawping (and they were).

At the time I just got on with it but I'm quite upset now thinking about it - when people who are generally able to self care and are not so ill they need care from family are in - no there shouldn't be men on a gynaecology ward 11am-8pm.

I was also given two blood transfusions in full view of everyone - not so bad but people really stare and I just wanted some peace and quiet.

I was so much happier in my own room but then they removed me as someone else needed it.

I also refuse to wear nightwear in hospital as there's no way I'm sitting there in pyjamas with the world and his dog watching me.

I think it's not really for visitors to say that there's nothing wrong with extended visiting if they haven't been the patient themselves. You feel incredibly vulnerable, often feel and look like shit and you don't want strangers constantly in and out of your 'room'.