To think that Ward I’m on should just abandon pretence they have visiting hours?

[MarieVanGoethem]

I’ve been in hospital since the 3rd of July. On current Ward since the 9th. I fully support a bit of flexibility with visitors where possible & needful, don’t get me wrong.

Thankfully I’ve not had a repeat of my time on the acute ward when I had a night with the [volatile & abusive] woman opposite me’s son sitting in the chair by her bed, where he was not meant to be, which was opposite my bed. (To be clear, he v definitely wasn’t allowed to be there & Official Questions Are Being Asked about why he wasn’t removed.)

However, when visiting hours are 2pm to 8pm, people rolling up before half nine is... & yes, that means visitors as well as patients are overhearing Ward Rounds. And people stay well beyond 8pm as well, about 10-10:30pm being the standard. So I’ve had several days where the bay has been full of the noise & bustle of extra people (I’ve only been allowed up unaccompanied since late Sunday afternoon; & my ability to walk as far as the day room with one of my visitors [which of course is ALSO busy anyway] was only reached a few days before & tbh couldn’t really be relied on) 12[+] hours.

I’m now at the point where I’m “just” waiting for a care package to be arranged. But “medically fit for discharge” =/= “boundingly good health”. Woman in bed opposite currently has about half a dozen visitors (who traipsed in last night at almost quarter to eleven to take some more pictures of the view to go with the ones they’d taken a few hours earlier - to be fair they’d spent a few of hours in the day room after a few in the Bay); woman beside me has 2.

Am willing to accept I may be being grumpy-frustrated because I’ve been v ill & it’ll be far too long for my liking before I’m better (well, for a given value of better, don’t think the complex health needs are going anywhere ); my NJ tube is irksome; I have a sore throat & earache; & although I am now allowed up alone I’m still walking like I’m doing some kind of interpretive dance & until yesterday my feed was running for 20 hours so was having to trundle an IV pole (a sticky-wheeled one, naturally) about most of the time (will get 6 hours off today though: upped the feed rate: woo!); etc etc Reasons, blah... but it does all just seem a bit pointless having the rules really; & I’ve people who could visit me if they trotted up outside hours, but it just feels Wrong. I’ve literally NEVER been on a Ward that ignores Visiting like this. Closest I’ve come is the time my friend was allowed to stay an extra 30 minutes (we didn’t notice time, they didn’t announce end visiting & nobody else was visiting our Bay at that point) because my nurse thought it was really good for me & we weren’t disturbing anyone.

So essentially, AIBU unreasonable to think this Ward needs to either stop pretending they have visiting hours; or actual enforce the 2pm-8pm rules [other than in specific/exceptional circumstances]?

All four kids were present for every single day.

why on earth would you drag the poor kids in hospital every single day? If you have a private room, go for it - I still feel sorry for them. If you are on a ward, YAB very U.

I don't see the problem with children coming in for a short while to see their parent. As long as they aren't being disruptive of course. My dc were all under 8 when I was last in hospital so dh just popped in with them for 5 minutes after school every day for the week that I was in. I didn't have anyone else to visit or anyone able to look after dc while dh visited so those 5 minutes a day when I got to see my dh and dc were very important to me. I think it's important for the dc as well.

I would vote for anyone who comes up with a plan to get rid of the communal wards once and for all - even if it cannot be achieved in a day. If we refused the idea, things would start to progress.

Having been in a predominantly single room hospital staffing needs to be massively increased before that can be the norm.

It was so isolating it was quite scary at times because of it took staff 20 mins/half an hour to answer your buzzer there was no one else there.

A woman in the room next door to me fell out of her bed and it was at least 20 mins from me pressing my buzzer to say I thought something was wrong to her being found.

Also if you are in long term and don’t have visitors then it’s going to be incredibly lonely. For that to be the norm I think there was have to be the abolition of charges for the tv and radio. Staring at 4 walls of the one room all day with no one to talk too isn’t necessarily more conducive to recovery than busy wards imo.

I can understand that some patients prefer company, for others the loss of dignity that comes with an audience when they have to lie in bed at their most vulnerable, that's pure hell.

*on top of the lack of sleep and rest due to the noise from other people.

Floralnomad the staff are not there to control visitors...its a hospital, not a prison, not a school, and not a police station. If people cant control themselves and behave in a hospital then they are obnoxious and usually violent individuals and nothing a nurse will say to them will make a bit of difference. I guess all the people moaning have never worked in a hospital! Ive been a patient and know how hard it is for the nurses and know how hard it is for the patients. Ive also been punched by a patient and intimidated by a relative and thats why i would never TELL anyone to leave because its too much hassle

by the way, you can have a private room....upgrade to a private hospital, you can self pay or have insurance...but beware, if you become very ill you may be turfed out back to the NHS....even if you have paid because they might not have the specialist staff or care that you need....or your insurance could also say 'you're not insured for that'...they are notorious for that

If behaviour has deteriorated to that extent there needs to be proper security provision put in place. Nobody should be too intimidated to ask a lout to leave a hospital ward, that’s insane.

Families have to provide all basic care, feeding, washing, changing etc

So lots of wards need to give content access to carers. Most ill people need a carer of some kind.

My DH is in an out of hospital and it has been the same in a number.

When I was on the recovery ward although visiting hours were set (aside from birthing partners) the lady opposite me had several family members until about 3am, they were then back at 7! They were so loud as well, kept waking baby up, and the mum kept poking her head round my curtain on the way to the sink and I was trying to establish breastfeeding so started to get really awkward. Me and my partner asked them to be quiet and asked staff to remove them but they didnt. Some wards I can see it's necessary, but they should be respectful- I do understand staff are so overstretched though.

lemonlady , if visitors are being noisy and disturbing other patients then it is their responsibility , as carers , to tell the offending relatives to be quiet or go to the dayroom / outside the ward . You do not allow rowdy visitors to disturb everybody else .

Don't most hospitals have wifi and single rooms have tv.
I would prefer that to chatting to other inmates.

queenbeee , only the newest hospitals are single room and they bring a whole new set of issues although agreed it does remove the problem of other patients visitors .

Don't most hospitals have wifi and single rooms have tv.

The cost of the tv and WiFi is prohibitive for many people

Don't most hospitals have wifi and single rooms have tv.
I would prefer that to chatting to other inmates.

most prisons don't have communal dorms, sadly most hospitals still do.

Oh god I am totally going to get flamed for this.
I have been in hospital many times over the last few years and yes the influx of visitors at all times of the day is hard when all you want to do is rest and try to sleep. Difficult when you are in pain.
However..I have mainly found that it's been the ward reception desk that's been the worst. Nurses laughing, not being quiet, discussing their personal lives loudly. Not being discreet at all. Patients buzzing needing help and nurses ignoring them and wanting to keep on gabbing about their weekend. This hasn't been a one off, it's happened many times. Some nurses are absolute gems. Efficient, empathic but I have found many are not. I can only tell you my experiences. I am now due to go into hospital again soon and I am absolutely dreading it. 😔 x

I wrote a very long reply. And then I lost it. And am simply too tired to start again. But was (having been too ill last couple of days to reply) worried people might think I’d just been goady & run away.

Couple of things though, before I give in to
the urge to nap again - where I mentioned “flexibility where possible & needful” & “specific/exceptional” circumstances” that would of course cover the sort of things people are mentioning like someone needing end-of-life care or care from familiar caregivers only. And although the AIBU was specifically about this ward like a great eejit I didn’t explain there’s adequate staffing to provide support with bathing, dressing & eating as required other than a couple of days where they were not only rammed but also short staffed & everything still got done, just slowly; & there are not patients on here requiring end of life care; nor is it even usual for them to have high needs patients (is also only ward I’ve ever been on that frequently has several empty beds at a time).

However, please don’t think that means I underestimate how hard the nursing staff (& nursing assistants) are working; nor how grateful I am for the excellent care I’m receiving from them. I’m very sorry if my OP came across as nurse-bashing &/or opening the floor for others to do so @crosser62 & @TwinsTrollsandHunz - it really REALLY was in no way my intention & I (foolishly) didn’t consider that possibility.

Oh & also official visiting hours are 1400-2000 according to the frequently-updated Trust website (which has kept up with recent [as in, within my stay] changes to key staff) & that is in line with other Wards, so think reasonable to assume correct.

(Am afraid this is probably v disjointed; have had feed come down & obs done & indeed even attempted eating some lunch [am in group of NJ-fed people who continue oral intake, yes; to my extreme frustration have lost weight despite this]; apologies.)

Our hospital allows visitors to assist with meals for the patient, but anyone else has to stick with strict visiting times!

I think that having strict visiting times just isn't practical anymore. I think open visiting from say 10am - 7pm is fair for all. There is time for morning ward rounds and everyone to have breakfast and a wash first.

People generally have busier lives, more women work now, where there was a time more women stayed at home with kids or were housewives so would have had the freedom to visit peopleat specific times.

While visiting isn't vital, it's often very important to a patient to have familiar faces around them especially those facing very serious illness or injuries. I know I would want to be there for someone more than just a window of time.

Having said that I do think there needs to be rules and they should be enforced.

No more than 2 to a bed. Take it in turns and go for a brew or a walk if there's a bigger group.

Noisy or upset kids are to leave immediately and only come back when they are calm and quiet.

No music or tv without headphones

Keep all noise to a minimum

People generally have busier lives, more women work now, where there was a time more women stayed at home with kids or were housewives so would have had the freedom to visit peopleat specific times.

Sorry, but WHY would all visitors be female?

OP I hear you. And by the way I hope you are doing a bit better and making good progress.
I’ve been a patient (cancer), and was a nurse for 26 years so I’ve seen both sides of the visitor problems. I have to say when I started nursing in the 80s there wasn’t a problem. Visiting was two hours in the afternoon and two hours in the evening, at the end of visiting one of us went round with a hand held bell and rang it loudly in every bay. If anyone ignored it they had sister to answer to and she was scary! Exceptions were made for very ill patients but they were normally in a side room anyway.
But boy have times changed! Now some wards are as a pp described quite accurately “a zoo”. There are numerous reasons I suspect;
Busier hospitals
Less staff
Less respect for the staff from the public
A culture where hospital managers put PR ahead of patient well being.

I wish we could turn back time in the way that wards used to be run. They weren’t perfect by any means, but I do believe on the whole they worked better for the patients.

Well, visitors staying round the clock, which is the whole point of the thread, kind of gives the lie to ”people have busier lives, it would impact too heavily on them to have to stick to set visiting hours”?

Last time I asked a family nicely to either stick to visiting hours or to have less people at a time I ended up cornered by 3 of them swearing and tell me all the reasons I am a shit nurse. I'm a reasonably new nurse and I am assertive and will challenge things that compromise care/ dignity but so many people have a me, me, me attitude and feel entitled that it makes it nearly impossible. Obviously when people are end of life or have deteriorated or live miles away it's different and we are flexible. Our visiting hours are already 2-9 that's 7 hours of other patients being watched, gawped at etc when they feel unwell, have had shitty news, been given a poor prognosis etc. I really do feel strongly about visiting hours but there's only so much I can do. Quite honestly I get abused enough by patients and their families just by being a nurse. I can see why my colleagues don't invite it.

Same as the patients who insist on having their curtains drawn, meaning I can't see the other patients at all because the are blocked and the other patients get no sunlight at all. I appreciate wards are not ideal but with the lack of ability to build a private room on my 13 hour shift (usually 14 by the time I actually finish) there is only so much I can do.

They should have been marched out by security and banned from coming back, Cross. Allowing a nurse to handle this sort of nonsense alone is outrageous. Doesn’t anyone have your back?

Sorry, but WHY would all visitors be female?

Why do defensive? Jesus.

At no point did I say that all visitors would be female.

I was simply explaining why more flexible visiting times are more appropriate in this day and age.

A long time ago there were more staff, matrons who ruled the wards and people (yes women) could be more flexible with their time as many were housewives and stayed with the kids. Meaning someone would more likely be able to visit at a very specific visiting window.

In this day and age things are very different and there is more need for flexibility and with visiting.

Ok?