To think that Ward I’m on should just abandon pretence they have visiting hours?

[MarieVanGoethem]

I’ve been in hospital since the 3rd of July. On current Ward since the 9th. I fully support a bit of flexibility with visitors where possible & needful, don’t get me wrong.

Thankfully I’ve not had a repeat of my time on the acute ward when I had a night with the [volatile & abusive] woman opposite me’s son sitting in the chair by her bed, where he was not meant to be, which was opposite my bed. (To be clear, he v definitely wasn’t allowed to be there & Official Questions Are Being Asked about why he wasn’t removed.)

However, when visiting hours are 2pm to 8pm, people rolling up before half nine is... & yes, that means visitors as well as patients are overhearing Ward Rounds. And people stay well beyond 8pm as well, about 10-10:30pm being the standard. So I’ve had several days where the bay has been full of the noise & bustle of extra people (I’ve only been allowed up unaccompanied since late Sunday afternoon; & my ability to walk as far as the day room with one of my visitors [which of course is ALSO busy anyway] was only reached a few days before & tbh couldn’t really be relied on) 12[+] hours.

I’m now at the point where I’m “just” waiting for a care package to be arranged. But “medically fit for discharge” =/= “boundingly good health”. Woman in bed opposite currently has about half a dozen visitors (who traipsed in last night at almost quarter to eleven to take some more pictures of the view to go with the ones they’d taken a few hours earlier - to be fair they’d spent a few of hours in the day room after a few in the Bay); woman beside me has 2.

Am willing to accept I may be being grumpy-frustrated because I’ve been v ill & it’ll be far too long for my liking before I’m better (well, for a given value of better, don’t think the complex health needs are going anywhere ); my NJ tube is irksome; I have a sore throat & earache; & although I am now allowed up alone I’m still walking like I’m doing some kind of interpretive dance & until yesterday my feed was running for 20 hours so was having to trundle an IV pole (a sticky-wheeled one, naturally) about most of the time (will get 6 hours off today though: upped the feed rate: woo!); etc etc Reasons, blah... but it does all just seem a bit pointless having the rules really; & I’ve people who could visit me if they trotted up outside hours, but it just feels Wrong. I’ve literally NEVER been on a Ward that ignores Visiting like this. Closest I’ve come is the time my friend was allowed to stay an extra 30 minutes (we didn’t notice time, they didn’t announce end visiting & nobody else was visiting our Bay at that point) because my nurse thought it was really good for me & we weren’t disturbing anyone.

So essentially, AIBU unreasonable to think this Ward needs to either stop pretending they have visiting hours; or actual enforce the 2pm-8pm rules [other than in specific/exceptional circumstances]?

Yanbu. Other people's visitors are one of the worst parts of being in hospital I find. Personally I think visitors should either be carers for the patient or people who are usually cared for by the patient (e.g. their children). Anyone who is there to talk loudly, disturb other patients or generally be a pain in the neck should be banned.

A relative was recently admitted to hospital and although it stated in all the ward literature and posters that they had visiting hours, they actually run on some sort of flexi-time now as it is said to be more beneficial for patients.

In my culture, we do not allow nurses to provide personal hygiene care for our loved ones unless absolutely necessary so this suited us.

Having been in recently I think they are going to have to give up on visiting hours simply because of the under staffing.

I’m youngish and normally well. Can’t nock the surgical care but the “ general care “ was so lacking that I was glad to have someone with me for instance at 1am, with 2 useless hands ( one compromised by my problem , one with a badly sited drip). I actually would have not eaten without help - sandwich in packet , pot of rice pud, juice in airline pot .
Then I need help to change into a gown and clean my teeth.

Urgent op next morning. Didn’t get washed /changed / teeth cleaned till family came to take me home.

Again needed help to open food etc and actually bring food that was pleasant and edible from the shop - and the bliss of a decent coffee. I’m not picky but a half cooked floury baked potato with no butter is inedible post op when you’ve had neck surgery and can’t even wash it down with glugs of water.

I waited 40 mins twice to get painkillers after the anaesthetic wore off - once at 5 am “ one nurse for 2wards” and at 9 am “ they are all in handover” ( how inconvenient if me )

When my mum was on a Geri Ward we showered her and fed her. She didn’t shower for this 1st week 😞 as we didn’t realise.

I’m not complaining about the care - I know everyone is doing the best they can , but I’m so glad I was discharged at 24hrs post op. Long stay you need a relative there a lot of the time if you have significant needs I fear

I think people visiting before official times isn’t too bad. So for example a shift worker on lates could go early. But the 8pm kick out should absolutely be enforced. Poorly people need their sleep!

When DH was in during his last few weeks, I was there outside of visiting hours, as were our boys. That was permitted because he didn't have long to live, and as soon as a private room became available he was moved into it so we could visit whenever we wanted (and I could stay overnight with him). I was very conscious that other patients didn't have the same flexibility (they weren't quite as poorly) so we were discreet, as unobtrusive as we could be, and absented ourselves when doctors came round, apart from when they came to see DH (he had brain tumours and was confused so couldn't have relayed the info to us or make decisions about his own care).

So I sort of disagree with your OP in that in some situations, it is useful or necessary to visit outside of visiting hours, but I do agree that visitors should be considerate, whenever they visit.

Most hospitals have relaxed in recent years, signage may be out of date. It was 10 am - 9pm last time we had someone in hospital and they encouraged visitors at lunchtime to help with feeding

There will always be special circumstances and these seem to be catered for very well in my local hospital where they also enforce strict visiting times.

The hell of the maternity ward however will stay with me always.

@UrsulaPandress

That's all very well and good but I doubt there in an NHS hospital in business right now which can adequately keep a whole ward clean, medicated and fed at a timely basis so I'd be ignoring any restrictions to ensure the health and safety of my relative.

When did they abandon visiting hours? It hardly seems conducive to recuperation and recovery if the ward is as busy as Piccadilly Circus.
Seems a very unwise policy.

There are some people who just don't know how to behave. Bloody awful woman in the bed next to my mum who had a whole string of scumbag visitors who seemed to think they were in a pub.

No privacy afforded to other patients who didn't want to be stared at, commented about, asked rude questions like "what you in 'ere for then?"
"look at that one over there!"

I think the nurses and HC staff just try to blot them out, no doubt having been on the receiving end of their abuse all too often.

Bring back dragon matrons.

Speak to the ward manager . In our trust the rules have been relaxed from 2 til 10pm and we are flexible for example when someone is confused or distressed and having a helpful visitor actually calms them down . However some people take the Piss and have multiple visitors at all hours disturbing other patients. I’m afraid that I took exception to an Asian family who visited 8 at a time and played the call to prayer loudly. It was just such an imposition on the elderly ladies in the same bay. Rules are there for a reason and the nurses are sometimes too busy or fearful to make a fuss.

I agree - bring back those matrons who could clear a room with a glance. Surely everything has to be in the patients' interests, not the visitors'?

No OP YANBU

Last time I stayed there were three other beds in the ward all occupied but none of the other ladies spoke English so all needed family to translate from 7am.
Two of the families had one or two early visitors but one woman had her adult son.
Her adult son, his wife (also no English) another woman and four under tens.
The son was loud, belligerent and obnoxious constantly. Shouting the odds at everything, shouting at the kids, calling staff etc. Smelly take away food three times a day.
It was a bloody circus.

YANBU, I feel for you, I recently had a hospital stay and it was horrible. I’m not sure I could have coped with more than the 4 days I was in so I think you have a right to feel fed up. Visiting times were 10am until 9pm, I didn’t really have any visitors and after having surgery I just wanted to rest which is almost impossible when people are being noisy all day. When I was moved to the ward the lack of privacy really upset me, I’m quite a private person and I don’t want people staring at me when I’m ill. Also most people on my ward had stomach issues and kept being sick, I have a phobia of people vomiting so it was truly awful not being able to get away from it.

Wards should be abolished, they are a nightmare.

They are justified in A&E and intensive care , but anything else is an outdated hellish concept.

When you are unwell, other people's visitors are a complete nuisance regardless of the time frankly. There's not enough staff to help out, so YOU need YOUR visitors to take care of you, but then understand that they are disturbing other people.

Normal human being should behave in hospitals, be quiet and considerate. Unfortunately, half of them are animals, loud, disruptive and a pain in the ass.
Adding the nurses who insist on trying to open the bloody curtains every 10 minutes and removing what little privacy you can have
AND communal toilets with 1 bathroom per floor.

Our country is an embarrassment in term of health care.

It's just ridiculous. In our local hospital visiting is 10am-10pm. Which is basically code for "we don't have enough staff so if you want your relative to get washed and eat properly someone needs to be here".

FIL is in hospital at the moment and we try and make sure one person is there all the time as he has dementia and the hospital just don't have the staff to keep him safe (he's currently in for a broken hip that was sustained while in hospital for a chest infection). But I don't see how people on his ward are expected to actually recuperate.

It's stiflingly hot. It's bright all the time - even at night the corridor lights beam in. And it's constantly noisy because there are just a constant stream of visitors all day, everyday, alongside the usual noises of hospitals.

Yabu visiting hours are draconian. People should be allowed friends and family with them when they are unwell.

it's strange isn't it, how you get more visitors than you ever might, when you're feeling like shit and just not up to having people around?

I try not to visit people at hospital tbh.... they get inundated and sometimes rest is what they need. I will fetch things for them, but it will be drop by, not a stay.

I think there is a difference between visitors and those providing care. Mum recently had several hospital stays, we did 24/7 with her in a 6 bay ward. Yes some visitors are inconsiderate and don't seem to understand the need to not treat it like a social in the pub but then there are people like us that have a Mum with moderate dementia which is seriously exacerbated by GA and she talks gibberish, sees things that aren't there, accuses people of having a party/being violent/committing robery if left alone and when mobile will set off at a rate of knots and go "visiting people" ie getting in the face of other patients - we provide something that calms her down, is familiar and helps nursing staff have time for others - she really does need someone with her 24/7 when ill. My understanding is that now whilst they try and provide single sex wards/bays its not always possible and whilst caring rather than visiting we are mixed sex - brothers sisters and dad we all take a turn. We are usually one person except at handover and frankly without us being there you would be in for a hell of a more uncomfortable night with Mum running around

@MyDcAreMarvel "Yabu visiting hours are draconian. People should be allowed friends and family with them when they are unwell."

But at 10:30 at night? Who goes and sees their friends/family that late normally?

Nurses are too fearful to enforce yes, they have 5000 other jobs that they need to be doing without taking on argumentative, entitled, unreasonable, rude, aggressive and obnoxious people who have probably demanded a great chunk of time from them asking 5500 questions that breach confidentiality about their perfectly capable of answering the questions family member in the bed.

They have no time to take that on as well.

The visiting restrictions are there for important clinical care reasons.

There are of course exceptions to that which are considered with sympathy, empathy and flexibility.

We just want to do our job.
We try to do our jobs well under excruciating, difficult challenging circumstances.
For fucks sake, another stick to beat us with.

No wonder there is the shortfall of 40,000 nurses in the UK now. No fucking wonder.

It’s not open visiting that is the problem , it’s the staff not controlling the visitors they’ve got in . My mum was in hospital for an extended period last year and my sisters and I were literally there all the time except overnight - the care on all the wards she was on was appalling and we needed to be there . When she was at her sickest we also did the night shifts . I do agree though that the staff need to tell noisy visitors to keep it down and I don’t think children should be running amok ( which they were where we were) . If you don’t want your doctors round overheard ask to speak to the Dr in an office .

YANBU. It sounds like hell on earth.

In an attempt to cheer you up, though, can I suggest that when you're better you further develop your interpretive dance and turn it into a full-length piece with which to win your fame and fortune? I'd pay to see it

In many hospitals there just isn't the staffing to manage everything, so often having a visitor is the only way you get things done.

I've been fortunate enough that the few times I have been overnight in hospital I haven't had to be in a ward, bar once many years ago. Had a CS with dd and had my own side room with own bathroom. When I was in for a few days with pneumonia I was in an isolation room, so again private rooms and facilities, as they were concerned I might have had swine flu as well (I didn't.)

Visiting hours at our local teaching hospitals, including the maternity wards, is 8am to 8pm generally. The odd ward/unit may have different ones where there are more needs.

TBH the chatting of the odd visitor never bothered me - on the one time I was on a ward. However, the bright lights and heat in every hospital really did! I was always relived to get home to actually rest and recuperate.