To ask you whether you had any issues with your surname being different on your passport to your children's?

[CheshireDing]

DH and I have been married 10 years, I didn't want to change my surname on marriage but DH said otherwise it was 'no deal'. I wasn't happy about it and went along with it because I loved him, wanted to marry him etc etc.

Anyway fast forward to now and I still do not feel happy using my married surname. I kept my surname at work anyway and my signature has never changed (as both surnames as roughly the same characters in length). All my friends know me as my original surname (maiden name), my FB is my maiden name/email is etc. Over time I changed a couple of my bank accounts to my married surname but as I said I have always kept the same surname at work.

I have now done a Deed Poll and got my driving licence back in my maiden name, I have sent it off to the bank to change my surname back and have changed it on silly things like Ebay/Amazon etc. I prefer my maiden surname, I don't really like my married surname (which I know sounds bad as it's the children's surname) but it's not really 'me'.

I am wondering what to do about my passport though. I have read in the past on mn though that people say it is easier at airports if you have the same surname as your children.

Is this REALLY true though ?!

Also what surname would I have on my gravestone random I know but this is why I now don't know what to do.

Help me lovely mumsnetters

Ive had questions going into the uk, but we have a different name and nationality. I take birth certificates with me if im travelling alone with the dc, but last time I offered it the border control looked at dd then back at me and said no in a very knowing voice.

I've been asked a couple of times, but only on return to the UK. Once when my 3 year-old son was clinging onto my leg whining "Mummy, Mummy, Mummy", so I think it was clear he was mine.

The other time, they just asked the children who I was, and where Dad was (obviously he'd fucked off to stand around at the wrong luggage carousel.)

Me and DD, whose a baby, have been asked for additional proof everytime we've flown back to the UK just me and her. No problem as I always take her birth certificate but I'm not sure what they would do if I didn't have it on me!

No problems. I have a different surname, nationality and ethnicity from my dd and we travel without her father. I bring her birth cert and a copy of the court order saying that she lives with me, and I do get asked for it regularly, but it's not a hassle.

DS (4) was in a strop with me and shouted, literally right in front of the passport control desk 'you're not my Mummy. You're a beast called Owl!'

Love this story!

Regarding gravestones, my mother who used my father's surname was buried as FirstName OwnName, beloved wife of Husband MarriedName and dad's dates were just added later when he died. She was English but we're all in Scotland.

I was stopped twice when we had different surnames....just Married so my passport changed and my eldest still had my maiden name. I had to start carrying birth/wedding certificates with me when travelling in europe.

DD has her dad's name instead of mine and I'm questioned every time we travel, usually at the UK Border. Didn't have her birth certificate (they don't do birth certificates in Finland) but was waved through eventually each time.
DS has my name and I wasn't questioned about him (travelled with DD and DS, got the 3rd degree about DD and nothing about DS)

I've had the 'structured conversation' at passport control - sounds like idle chit chat but actually designed to see if we're at ease with each other ('Back to school? Done your homework?' Is not because they're interested. It's because the way you answer can show up whether you live together as a family)

I've never been asked for a birth certificate, but my DC were old enough to answer for themselves just as thus was becoming widespread. Now they are teens, they can definitely speak up in ways that officials find convincing (a sarcastic teen being mildly rude about a parent!)

We do all look reasonably like each other, which probably helps

The only place I've had a problem is South Africa, which for various reasons we visit regularly. They are incredibly strict. So I take the children's birth certificates and our marriage certificates (super easy to get duplicates, I just keep them with the passports) and then all bases are covered. Never had a problem anywhere else although haven't taken the kids to the states.

My best mate has been stopped twice and nearly missed a flight once when travelling with her DC and her newish husband (the DC have her XH surname) whose name she has taken.

She now travels with their birth certs and a letter of consent from her XH just in case and has had to show it a few times I believe - although to be fair she travels abroad A LOT!!