To ask you whether you had any issues with your surname being different on your passport to your children's?

[CheshireDing]

DH and I have been married 10 years, I didn't want to change my surname on marriage but DH said otherwise it was 'no deal'. I wasn't happy about it and went along with it because I loved him, wanted to marry him etc etc.

Anyway fast forward to now and I still do not feel happy using my married surname. I kept my surname at work anyway and my signature has never changed (as both surnames as roughly the same characters in length). All my friends know me as my original surname (maiden name), my FB is my maiden name/email is etc. Over time I changed a couple of my bank accounts to my married surname but as I said I have always kept the same surname at work.

I have now done a Deed Poll and got my driving licence back in my maiden name, I have sent it off to the bank to change my surname back and have changed it on silly things like Ebay/Amazon etc. I prefer my maiden surname, I don't really like my married surname (which I know sounds bad as it's the children's surname) but it's not really 'me'.

I am wondering what to do about my passport though. I have read in the past on mn though that people say it is easier at airports if you have the same surname as your children.

Is this REALLY true though ?!

Also what surname would I have on my gravestone random I know but this is why I now don't know what to do.

Help me lovely mumsnetters

Why would you marry someone who gave such an ultimatum?

Not RTFT but no. Traveled abroad about 3 times

It really irritates me. I got asked on returning to UK for proof ie birth cert. 1. Why do passports not have an optional space to put an alternative surname (ie married or maiden name)? 2. Why do they care about us returning to UK (we are UK citizens)? I can understand about taking kids out of the UK - but there are hardly any checks on departure.

They both thought it was odd they were stopped in their way back, but not on the way out the U.K. not sure a child smuggler would bring them back!

But they might however try and bring a trafficked child back on a British passport (fake or obtained illegally)

I changed my name but a friend who didn't has had lots of problems, exasperated by an acrimonious split them exh dying. Even carrying the court order for sole parental authority wasn't enough to satisfy immigration officials though they did thankfully accept his death certificate!

Ps dd(16 at the time) was asked by Canadian immigration where her dad was - her answer was (truthfully) arrived on an earlier flight, they let us through but warned that I should have had permission to travel from him - she was 16 and has an adult passport.

I was questioned coming back to the UK. I had had a really rough day and they then proceeded to ask me for documentation that the children were mine. I remember snapping (inside) and very politely asking if he wanted to observe me breastfeeding my youngest who was due a feed. The poor man looked petrified and waived me through...

@paddington I've shown a photo on my phone before, other times they've just told me to bring it next time. (I'm not married but marriage cert should be a big help!).

It's just annoying there's no set rules. Some have never had it, I've had extra questions over 50% of the time and some have had hours of interrogation.

When my boyfriend, who does share the child's surname, was bringing my child out to a different EU country where I was working, by himself, we were advised he should bring copies of my offer of employment and my passport etc. No one was slight interested though!

@lyralalala - if you were going to fake a passport or illegally obtain one, you would pick one that had the same name surely? Do they ask for birth certs of every child entering the country? If not, then why is screening on surname an effective action?

I've found Holland to be the worst. I always carry birth certificates after being grilled in Holland where it must have been obvious by the way my kids were hanging off me that I was their mother

Hmmm, ok, thank you all. Printed off birth certs and marriages certs too then.

Maybe if my ashes are thrown out to sea/similar it won't matter what I call myself as I won't need a gravestone then

Given that he was so extraordinarily unenlightened about you keeping your name after marriage, how on earth has he reacted to you changing it back by deed poll?

But they might however try and bring a trafficked child back on a British passport (fake or obtained illegally)

True, but then I'm not sure how a handwritten letter from the parents saying the 17yo travel with the 18yo would stop that. Anyone could write such a letter.

@Namenic it would depend entirely what was available to them. I imagine it’s easier to defraud the photo element of a passport than a name.

It’s something that only occurred to me because there was a mix up with my DD’s passport and of arrived with the wrong photo (that caused lots of fun at the passport office!).

Just in the same way that they don’t stop every single person coming through and patting them down then they must get some results on asking random, or seemingly random, people about their connections to the children involved.

I’ve never been stopped with DD1 despite different surnames, but she’s a mini clone of myself. DS2 has the same surname but has a different skin colour, eye colour and accent to me and unsurprisingly we’ve been stopped several times.

Travel abroad with my kids about 3 times a year. I always carry a letter from their dad giving permission to leave the country.

Have never been asked for letter, although my friends were asked once when they took ds away for a week in Spain.

My kids have been asked maybe 3 times about our relationship when we enter back into the UK. Nobody appears to care when we leave.

I def would not risk it if I had much younger kids, I would bring their birth certificate.

Different surname to my DDs and different ethnicity (more like my husband).
Have only been questioned once -in Portugal- as I called then toddler DD1 by a nickname, rather than her passport name. Was clutching baby DD2 and they said nothing about her!

We fly several times a year. It is a lot easier now they are big and can tell officials who they are/who I am.

I do not understand this 'letter from other parent'. I could write my own- how would they know what the father's signature looked like?
All seems a bit pointless

It terrifies me that border control doesn’t routinely ask for proof of relationship.

That means anyone who turns up at a border with a child - who may be kidnapped or trafficked - stands a good chance of just waltzing through.

I truly wish any adult whose name doesn’t match that of their accompanying child would be queried further.

@lyralalala - why would it be harder to do the name than the picture? Hehe - but it’s probably easiest to do a fake birth certificate!

My DC have my DH’s surname but they have my middle name (a family name from my side) as one of their middle names.

I have never had any problems travelling with them and wonder if this is why. We do share a name just not the surname.

Could you do that OP - give them your maiden name as an additional middle name?

I think the name thing is a bit of prejudice. So weird that they care more about people bringing children into a country rather than someone kidnapping a citizen from this country?!

@minipie my daughter has my middle name and my surname as an extra middle name and I've been questioned/ asked for birth cert many times. Further down the thread, there's people been pulled for a long time who had birth certs and letters etc.
Doesn't seem to be much of a pattern!

@Namenic because to do a fake name you’d need fake birth documents and to get round checks. To do a fake photo you only need someone with a passport bribable enough to say ‘yes this is a likeness of this child’

Especially when you are renewing a child passport - no one in the passport office is going to pick up on the fact that the blonde haired blue eyed 7yo in the photo isn’t the same 2yo in their old passport as they look so different

That’s why the photo mix up on my DD’s passport wasn’t picked up in the final checks

It’s really not weird that the bother more about kids coming in than going out - there are simply more trafficked children than there are kidnapped ones being taken from the country