To ask you whether you had any issues with your surname being different on your passport to your children's?

[CheshireDing]

DH and I have been married 10 years, I didn't want to change my surname on marriage but DH said otherwise it was 'no deal'. I wasn't happy about it and went along with it because I loved him, wanted to marry him etc etc.

Anyway fast forward to now and I still do not feel happy using my married surname. I kept my surname at work anyway and my signature has never changed (as both surnames as roughly the same characters in length). All my friends know me as my original surname (maiden name), my FB is my maiden name/email is etc. Over time I changed a couple of my bank accounts to my married surname but as I said I have always kept the same surname at work.

I have now done a Deed Poll and got my driving licence back in my maiden name, I have sent it off to the bank to change my surname back and have changed it on silly things like Ebay/Amazon etc. I prefer my maiden surname, I don't really like my married surname (which I know sounds bad as it's the children's surname) but it's not really 'me'.

I am wondering what to do about my passport though. I have read in the past on mn though that people say it is easier at airports if you have the same surname as your children.

Is this REALLY true though ?!

Also what surname would I have on my gravestone random I know but this is why I now don't know what to do.

Help me lovely mumsnetters

Been to New York, LA and Chicago as well as Sydney and Auckland and have been stopped and investigated (not me but both my friends. They were very nice and I understand why they do it.) Yes it adds on a few hours.

Meant 2008!

My wife has a different name to our children. We ended up in seperate lines and I had to be escorted back through security to prove that I was dad! After that she has always carried a birth certificate. Other than that no issues.

Only time I've been asked anything about dc having different surnames was 1 question "why do they have different surnames" I explained the truth they had different dad's
Although my surname is only the same as my youngest on my passport. I figure as the other 2 dc are teens they will be able to explain that I am their mum.

Just read about your husbands ‘no deal.’
Oh dear.
No.

I had to show DD's birth certificate when I travelled back from France (Eurostar) to the UK a couple of months ago. The U.K. immigration officer at Gare du Nord asked to to see it as we have different surnames.

Also perplexed that you'd married a man who offered up such an ultimatum as a condition of marriage

I've been stopped just as often with my younger kids who I share a surname with as my older kids who don't. They don't only rely on surnames - I think people just think the names thing has become more of an issue as immigration has got tighter generally.

I travel reasonably frequently and have only had a problem once (and that was coming back into the UK.)

Passport control demanded to see proof that DD was my daughter because pulling on my trousers and screaming Muuuuummy I need a snack nooooooow!!! wasnt sufficient.

On that occasion husband was luckily in passport control too (in a different queue as not British) so he was pulled out of foreign queue to confirm my DD was our daughter.

Officer advised me to travel with DCs' birth certificates in future (and also recommended a letter from my husband saying I have permission to travel with her when we travel without him which I still find odd).

I have a different surname to my children. Never had an issue leaving the country but have been stopped and questioned by Border Control on arrival at both Heathrow and Manchester airports. I was told it was to prevent child trafficking. If Border Control only have this tactic to stop the exploitation of children, I really despair.

We got asked our relationship to my children coming back through Gatwick last month as me and my partner have different surnames to my children but they didn't ask for proof even though I offered it to them

There were lots of signs up at our regional airport when we flew home from holiday last week as part of the new signage for when we leave the EU and apparently join Gilead.

I also have had problems in Greece, especially when traveling from there to Turkey. Like a pp it doesn't help that I look nothing like my children who all take after their dad. I often travel without dh and after a particularly arduous Greek border experience I now carry a certified copy of the kids passports signed, witnessed with a signed copy of dh passport. I know plenty of people who have had no problems tho.

Agree about the shock about wedding, that was a dick move.

This happened once, I was asked why I didn't have the same surname as my child. I said because it’s not actually a legal requirement to change a surname upon marriage.

I get why they ask though.

I've a different surname to my children but never been an issue so far. Both DC's do have my maiden name as one of their middle names so that links us passport-wise but I still carry birth certificates with me.

Just make sure you take DC birth certificate, I have taken my son away for last 7 years and been asked for it everytime except once, they just check it at the controls and it’s fine. He has his dad’s surname and we are separated and never married so I just have my birth name.

Is there a reason why there can't be space for the names of parents/ guardians on child passports?

Never ever ever been stopped properly with different surnames, and I've travelled internationally. A couple more questions when kids couldn't answer for themselves, but mainly now as older some trivial questions that are more jokes ie such and such, 'who is that and if we let you past you'll be good and no arguing?' Parents and aunt have taken abroad several times, never mentioned issues. Key is to have contact details page on passport completed apparently. You do get the occasional jobs worth when coming back in to the country, and it varies massively - for example I've carried through my son sleeping on my shoulders and no eyes batted, to my son skipping up to the desk and a telling off for it - which I think is a massive customer service issue much rather than my issue.

'no deal'? Fuck that shit.

My DC have two surnames in their passports - mine & ExP. They could not look less like me, but I've never been stopped or even questioned in the last eight flights I've done solo with them.

But seriously -' no deal' unless you changed your name?? Why didn't he change his?

Is a photocopy of birth certificate and marriage certificate ok?

Coming back from France I had an issue (was on my own with my three kids, two had a different surname to mine).

The customs guy was asking what the situation was and told me off for not having their birth certificates. He asked “are their different fathers?” At which point my then 16 year old son shouted from the back of the car “we don’t know who our dads are” (they do!) I could have actually killed him

Now that world security is being stepped, all over for various reasons, you will more than likely run into problems. My advice would be to take a copy of your sons birth certificate with you when you travel together.
I have heard of people being stopped from flying, so, better safe than sorry.

I haven't, but 18yo dd recently went on holiday with a 17yo friend and was stopped coming back to the U.K. and they were both thoroughly quizzed. Apparantly they told dd she could be child smuggling! 😁 They told her friend next time she needs a letter from her parents saying she is allowed out the country.

They both thought it was odd they were stopped in their way back, but not on the way out the U.K. not sure a child smuggler would bring them back!

One time it was queried, my surname different from DS on passports. I've travelled just me + DS a few times. I just stared at the immigration officer like "Yeah? And...?" DS confirmed I was his mum. And off we went.

... I love Iamnotagoddess's 16yo DS :)

I had a different surname to my baby for a year and she also looked nothing like me. We were given very suspicious looks at UK border once.

My mum recently told me she wants her maiden name as well as her married name on her gravestone. She was married 48 years til my Dad died recently.

I don’t really feel like my married name either and have also wondered whether to change back.