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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you whether you had any issues with your surname being different on your passport to your children's?

112 replies

CheshireDing · 22/07/2019 22:05

DH and I have been married 10 years, I didn't want to change my surname on marriage but DH said otherwise it was 'no deal'. I wasn't happy about it and went along with it because I loved him, wanted to marry him etc etc.

Anyway fast forward to now and I still do not feel happy using my married surname. I kept my surname at work anyway and my signature has never changed (as both surnames as roughly the same characters in length). All my friends know me as my original surname (maiden name), my FB is my maiden name/email is etc. Over time I changed a couple of my bank accounts to my married surname but as I said I have always kept the same surname at work.

I have now done a Deed Poll and got my driving licence back in my maiden name, I have sent it off to the bank to change my surname back and have changed it on silly things like Ebay/Amazon etc. I prefer my maiden surname, I don't really like my married surname (which I know sounds bad as it's the children's surname) but it's not really 'me'.

I am wondering what to do about my passport though. I have read in the past on mn though that people say it is easier at airports if you have the same surname as your children.

Is this REALLY true though ?!

Also what surname would I have on my gravestone Hmm random I know but this is why I now don't know what to do.

Help me lovely mumsnetters Smile

OP posts:
IAmNotAWitch · 23/07/2019 00:42

I have never had a problem, but if one of us is travelling with the kids without the other we always carry a letter of consent from the absent parent, along with certified copies of the birth certificates and a certified copy of the other parent's passport.

I was only ever asked once about this as we went into Canada, but once all the documents above were shown it was fine. And of course it was Canada so it was a very polite and non-threatening request. Grin

DH has the same last name as the boys but still carries the same documentation, better safe than sorry.

IsobelRae23 · 23/07/2019 00:55

When me and exdp took mine and our son, we all had different surnames- never a problem!

Grobagsforever · 23/07/2019 07:02

So you're 'allowed' to change it back one OP or will husband 'no deal' you again?

WhiteDust · 23/07/2019 07:19

I have now done a Deed Poll and got my driving licence back in my maiden name,

I don't understand! Your passport needs to be in your 'deed poll' name.
You have no choice!

As for travelling with children, DC have a different surname to me and I have travelled with them alone. To America too with no problem at all.
I can only imagine that they know they are my children when passports are scanned, (I.e. the computer holds the details I provided when I applied for the Children's passports -Names/address of mother/Father etc?) .

lola006 · 23/07/2019 07:31

Canada wants a letter of consent even if you do have the same last name.

Recently I was asked for proof that DD was mine (different last name) as we went through immigration at the eurotunnel (I always have a letter from DH) while my friend and her DD (same last name) did not have to provide proof.

Unicornhamster · 23/07/2019 07:40

My DH has problems travelling with DS even though they have the same surname. DH was leaving his birth country (both on british passports) and was stopped by them and told next time he needed the kids birth certificates and marriage certificate. No problem leaving the UK though.
I have travelled with DS with different surnames and had no issue.

Doidontimmm · 23/07/2019 07:50

I got stopped this year going to South Africa. I had to show my daughters birth certificate (she is a teen) and they wanted proof her dad knew she was going on holiday! Thank goodness she had texts where he had said have a great time etc!

CodenameVillanelle · 23/07/2019 07:54

I've only ever needed to produce a photocopy of his birth certificate.
His father (same surname but non eu national) had to hand his phone over and the border control phoned me to confirm he had consent to take him away but I'm sure that's because DS has a British passport and they were driving in a vehicle full of things so they may have been worried about abduction.

ghostyslovesheets · 23/07/2019 08:05

My 3 have different names to me - I've never had an issue (in Europe) but I do carry my marriage certificate and deed poll certificate to show I once had the same name and changed it - never needed to show anyone though.

lyralalala · 23/07/2019 08:10

I don't understand! Your passport needs to be in your 'deed poll' name.
You have no choice!

Married women can use their married or maiden name. You can also use a passport until it runs out, even if you’ve changed your name on everything else

After I changed my name from Stupidfirstname Lyra Middlename Surname to Lyra Middlename I still used my “old” name on my passport for a year until it ran out. I was also Lyra Middlename instead of Lyra Marriedname for five years until that one ran out. Your passport only has to match your tickets (and supporting documents when it’s issued)

MountPheasant · 23/07/2019 08:21

I’m confused as to why you deed polled it? As far as I’m aware once married you can use either name? Why involve deed poll?

Happy to be corrected!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/07/2019 08:42

Dd who kept her maiden name did have to produce her child's birth certificate (child had her dh's surname) as well as the passport when travelling abroad without her dh. I was with her. - ferry to France - and TBH was glad to see that they did check.
Luckily dd had known in advance so was prepared.

CodenameVillanelle · 23/07/2019 08:42

She shouldn't have needed to use deed poll but plenty of organisations don't understand this and still demand some signed declaration that women are going to use the name they were given at birth (which remains their name after marriage, even if they choose to go by a different one)

underneaththeash · 23/07/2019 08:51

I don’t understand why this ‘no deal’ is an issue. Everyone has things that they won’t compromise on when thinking of getting married. I wouldn’t have married someone who didn’t want children, wanted to live in another country, ever wanted to let his mother live with us, or wanted to go to the football every weekend...I also think it’s much easier in a family if everyone has the same last name.

Anyway, i was away with a friend and her children and she was stopped yesterday at border control in the UK as she has a different name to her children on her passport.

CollaterlyS1sters · 23/07/2019 08:59

@underneaththeash Everyone has things that they won’t compromise on when thinking of getting married. I wouldn’t have married someone who didn’t want children, wanted to live in another country, ever wanted to let his mother live with us, or wanted to go to the football every weekend...

Every single one of those things has an actual impact on the family. What is the impact of a woman keeping her own name, like her husband did?

Those other examples also do not have a huge history of controlling misogyny behind them.

I also think it’s much easier in a family if everyone has the same last name.

Great. He could have changed his name then, couldn't he?

Namelessinseattle · 23/07/2019 09:28

I think the stories where the dad is called from another queue is hilarious- what proof is there that he’s the dad? In Ireland it says anytime a single parent travels with a child they need a birth cert and a letter but my SIL (same name) has never been stopped I was once asked where’s his dad- I pointed to dh behind me. I keep saying I might just send them through with MIL or SIL to show how stupid he whole thing is

lljkk · 23/07/2019 20:05

Calling dad from another Q confuses me: Immigration control (of any country) say to travel with your group intact & take any queue that any one of you is eligible for.

user1471592953 · 23/07/2019 20:20

I haven’t been stopped at immigration but was warned I might be in future if travelling alone (immigration saw the name differences in the passports). Since then I carry DCs birth certificate, a marriage certificate and a letter of consent re the DC from my DH when travelling.

stopgap · 23/07/2019 20:35

Yes. Attempting to leave the UK with my American children, so an added hurdle. My husband had to speak to someone in customs before I was allowed to proceed and fly to Europe.

Namenic · 23/07/2019 22:05

@lyralalala - oh I get it, real application but substitute photo... i don’t think it would be that much harder for parents to name their kids with the same name as themselves or change their name if they wanted to go into the business...

Smorgs · 23/07/2019 22:11

I live abroad and have kept my passport in my maiden name. Whenever I travel with our two DC I always get asked to prove our relationship at the UK border. Therefore I always travel with their birth certificates along with their passports.

Cerseilannisterinthesnow · 23/07/2019 22:26

I was wondering this too OP. Recently married and DD who isn’t DH still has my maiden name as issues with her dad not wanting me to change it to married name. Will taking her birth certificate suffice? We are going to Greece in October. I know when DD dad too her abroad they needed a letter off me to say I consented to him taking her

Tsubasa1 · 23/07/2019 22:34

I always carry the birth certificate and a marriage certificate just in case. However, I have never been asked for it at any airport! My childs name and surname are Turkish and mine are both English and i still dont get questioned!

ILoveAnOwl · 23/07/2019 23:28

We've only once had a problem and since then I take their birth certificates and our marriage certificate. Obviously we've had no issues now I carry all the documentation with me...

It was especially amazing that we didn't get stopped this year as DS (4) was in a strop with me and shouted, literally right in front of the passport control desk 'you're not my Mummy. You're a beast called Owl!'

CellularBlanket · 23/07/2019 23:38

Never had a problem and been travelling with 2 kids now for twenty years. (Obvs they are now grown up!)

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