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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Class wedding - just me or is it a bit creepy?

313 replies

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 22/07/2019 09:09

CofE primary, quite churchy. Rural catchment so no choice of schools unless you want to drive. They are organising a Class Wedding for one of the KS1 class - basically role playing a wedding at the local church.

Is it just me or is this creepy? Can't put my finger on it but it feels entirely inappropriate for small children. It's one thing kids messing about playing but another thing to be told by a vicar that God will not permit divorce. And there is no way this school will demonstrate a Jewish or Hindu wedding, let alone a gay one. And how do the kids whose parents have split up or never married in the first place feel?

AIBU?

OP posts:
SarahSinclair · 22/07/2019 10:38

It’s not creepy. Now, if they were rollplaying a church funeral...

WorraLiberty · 22/07/2019 10:41

And how do the kids whose parents have split up or never married in the first place feel?

Like they're learning about a wedding ceremony? Confused

RosaWaiting · 22/07/2019 10:42

"If you don't want you children being taught a religion don't send them to a faith school."

but sometimes there's literally no choice.

OhNoooNotAgain · 22/07/2019 10:42

It's not like years ago with extended families where kids would experience tons of weddings- they may not get to experience any!

I think it's great... And I'm sure they'll be taught that there are many variations and that this is just one example.

ChaChaDeGregorio · 22/07/2019 10:45

YANBU- at all.

For all the reasons you and @OrchidInTheSun said.

Shockers · 22/07/2019 10:46

Both the Catholic and CofE schools I worked at did this. We also went into our church to act out a baptism and the Passover meal. We celebrated Diwali too, with a special lunch.

Buddyelf · 22/07/2019 10:46

@RosaWaiting OK but you then can't kick up a fuss if they are then educated in the religion the school is part of.

ChaChaDeGregorio · 22/07/2019 10:46

Bravo @FrenchFancie !

SirGawain · 22/07/2019 10:47

It’s not creepy. Now, if they were rollplaying a church funeral...

Ooh! I could offer this to our C of E school Grin

OtraCosaMariposa · 22/07/2019 10:51

When my oldest was at pre-school they did a whole "learning topic" around weddings - they found out about weddings in different cultures, made favours, came up with a menu for the reception, learned about all the different roles like bridesmaid or best man, brought in photos of weddings they'd been to or their parents' weddings - they loved it.

And the end of it all was a mock wedding with everyone taking a part. It's not creepy at all.

misselphaba · 22/07/2019 10:52

DDs class did this and I definitely felt a bit creeped out by it. The kids enjoyed it and the pics were kind of cute but there is something weird about getting 6 year olds dress to dress up as a bride and groom. I also feel creeped out when girls wear mini wedding dresses for their First Communion so I may low a low threshold for this sort of thing.

Divgirl2 · 22/07/2019 10:53

We did this in my (non-denominational) primary school about 20 odd years ago. It was a fun day, not creepy in the slightest.

ohcanada · 22/07/2019 10:57

One thing is roleplaying in a classroom as a teaching method, another is dressing up and going to a church to 'get married'. Very weird OP!

Original poster
NotAnotherJaffaCake · 22/07/2019 10:57

There is no discussion of weddings in other faiths at all. If it were in the context of a balanced RE curriculum with other faiths, fine. But it's not.

And whilst I do have the theoretical choice to send my children to another school, why the bloody hell should I have to? I should be able to expect balanced education at my local school. Not a one sided, patriarchal view which completely fails to demonstrate the richness of life in the UK today.

OP posts:
ohcanada · 22/07/2019 10:57

I agree it would be nice to teach about weddings in other cultures and faiths too as they are so different

dottiedodah · 22/07/2019 11:00

My children attended a COE school ,and I have a feeling something like this was done .Thing is if you want a more diverse school ,then a Church School isnt really for you!.Whether we like it or not Church Schools will promote Heterosexual values .You cant really send your child there and then complain !

dottiedodah · 22/07/2019 11:02

Having said that ,I do remember a day when we visited a local Mosque with them .So the children could see how other cultures worshipped !

Kungfupanda67 · 22/07/2019 11:03

My son’s class did this in year R as part of their celebrations topic. They also organised a birthday party for the class bear. They wrote menus and invitations, thought about what they’d need for each event and the differences between them. I don’t think anyone had a problem with it, and actually I think a girl played the groom (the class chose who would play each part).

JasperTheFriendlyGhost · 22/07/2019 11:05

My dc primary school did a wedding in the local church but with teddy bears as the bride and groom

jellycatspyjamas · 22/07/2019 11:06

And whilst I do have the theoretical choice to send my children to another school, why the bloody hell should I have to?
Because you don’t agree with the fundamental ethos of the school - expecting the school to change to suit you when they’re clear about being CofE is a nonsense.

Sammy867 · 22/07/2019 11:07

I attended a COE primary and remember doing this in primary. I also remember studying it in my Christian senior school as well with a role play. It’s a bit of fun and a Good learning experience.

We also studied other wedding ceremonies but didn’t role play these so I think they don’t stay in your memory as easily. It would be strange if they aren’t teaching other religious ceremonies but I imagine it may be that there’s more emphasis placed on the Christian ceremony. Are you certain they aren’t teaching other religious ceremonies at other points in the year? We focused a term on each major religion in senior but in primary we focused on religious holidays with information on other religions mixed into the learning but focus was definitely on the Christian religious beliefs

MillicentMartha · 22/07/2019 11:07

At my DS’s special school they had a ‘wedding’ when one of the teachers was getting married. I’m atheist but just thought it was cute, TBH. I don’t get the angst. They were aged 3-5.

All my DC went to a C of E voluntary maintained primary school, (ie the church had a big say in its running) and I just explained their services etc., to my DC in a ‘some people believe this’ kind of way.

None of them believe in god and don’t seem particularly scarred.

Basecamp65 · 22/07/2019 11:13

I find it creepy and a bit yuck as well.

I remember playing weddings as a child but this was definitely without adult involvement. It was also when gender roles were more traditional and getting married seemed an automatic thing everyone did.

I do not think it will do them any harm to be honest but it seems a bit weird.

Whiskeyqueen2457 · 22/07/2019 11:13

My sons go to a c of e school too and have done this and a baptism at the local church and to be honest I didnt have a problem with it. Lots of people get married and baptise their children, the school are just explaining what happens and it was a lot more fun for the kids to get dressed up and act it out with a party in the classroom afterwards instead of sitting in and reading about it.
For context the school also took them to visit a synagogue and also celebrate other religious festivals with them.

Original poster
NotAnotherJaffaCake · 22/07/2019 11:14

expecting the school to change to suit you when they’re clear about being CofE is a nonsense.

I am not asking them to change their ethos.
I am not asking them to change their Christian underpinning.
I am not asking them to stop the Christian assemblies.

I do think that they should teach religious education to provide children with an understanding of other religions, and with the understanding that RE is like geography or history, not as a chance to reinforce Christianity, which already runs through the school on many levels. And for the school to understand that actually, role playing a wedding in church for little children is something that is not particularly inclusive, nor does it do a great job of underpinning the serious commitment that marriage is, and that I and others feel it's not the most suitable thing for younger children to be doing.

OP posts: