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Original poster

DD CAUGHT on tablet after bed time with??

112 replies

RRRplus1 · 21/07/2019 22:32

DD - 11, was allowed to stay up late tonight, when it came to her bed time, I took her to bed, she asked if she could go on her tablet for half an hour, I said no because I'd already let her stay up late.

DH went to check on our baby about 15 mins after she was taken to bed & he poked his head in her room and caught her on her tablet. I was nearby and heard him say "busted" and also heard her ask him not to tell me, he obviously did! She was in her room crying loudly.

DH wanted to go to her as he felt guilty that she got so upset and that he may have exacerbated the situation by loudly saying busted and potentially winding her up, he said, she was upset saying that I had said no, and now she was in trouble.

Was I unreasonable to ignore her crying, and not to go into her, but to call to her, to bring her tablet down and then go to bed. Not saying anything else about it?

And to ask, in the morning should I carry on as if nothing happened, or should the tablet be confiscated?

Just to add for context, I would never expect her to go on her tablet after bed time she is normally very good at doing what she is told and therefore wouldn't have thought to make sure it wasn't in her room, but maybe from now I should make sure it's out of her room at bed time.

OP posts:
Original poster
RRRplus1 · 21/07/2019 22:33

Oh, sorry didn't realise it was such a book, I didn't want to drip feed!

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/07/2019 22:37

Just stop her having her tablet in her room. She really should be around and visible at 11yo when online.

At some point (maybe 14 plus) it can go into room but only til a set time then it comes downstairs for charging.

buckeejit · 21/07/2019 22:37

If she's still crying go to her, bedtime tears are the worst for everyone. She'll be sorry

Sunshine93 · 21/07/2019 22:39

Yes agree with pp the obvious consequence is that the tablet gets kept somewhere by you and accessed only when she is allowed on it and taken away after her allotted time. She shouldnt have it in her bedroom.

Al2O3 · 21/07/2019 22:41

We have to learn to challenge. We need to be able to be non-compliant so when breaking rules really matters we can do so.

I wouldn’t confiscate based on what you have said. I wonder why your DD was howling at being found out. That’s not a reaction that she should become used to.

Everydayimhuffling · 21/07/2019 22:45

She knowingly disobeyed you. Feeling bad and losing her tablet (perhaps for a short time if she is usually trustworthy) is the natural consequence of that. Surely you want her to feel bad enough to not do it again?

reytmardy · 21/07/2019 22:45

Download a parent control app. When it is bedtime it will turn off at the time you set . Then she can't use it after bedtime anymore

MyNewBearTotoro · 21/07/2019 22:46

I wouldn’t confiscate it entirely but I think I would ban her from it tomorrow and then introduce a new rule that it’s left downstairs/ handed over to you at bedtime from now on to stop her from doing it again.

isitwhatitis · 21/07/2019 22:49

Put a passcode on it that only you know and then log her on when she's allowed to use it

Cherrysoup · 21/07/2019 22:49

Ban it for a day, discuss consequences for going on it and insist it stays downstairs after time you’ve said.

StreetwiseHercules · 21/07/2019 22:50

FFS at some of the replies here. The notion that children should be “punished” for pushing boundaries and asserting autonomy is pathetic.

At 11 especially, a child should have a degree of independence over when they go to sleep, especially in the summer holidays.

justilou1 · 21/07/2019 22:50

I don’t understand why we constantly need to get permission to hand out consequences to our kids for bad behaviour. Real life does... they need to learn. Tears won’t get you far at high school or at work. She used the tablet after you said no. Take the tablet. It’s not cruel. It is more cruel to let a kid grow up thinking that they can skate through life doing whatever they want and the consequences will be minimal or nonexistent, only to find it doesn’t work that way after all.

Purpleartichoke · 21/07/2019 22:52

The temptation is so high. I think when this happened we grounded dd from screens for a day.

Now We just have parental controls come on automatically at bedtime on all devices.

Mummoomoocow · 21/07/2019 22:52

I would go to her. There’s no need for emotional coldness here

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/07/2019 22:53

At 11 especially, a child should have a degree of independence over when they go to sleep, especially in the summer holidays

No one here is saying that she shouldn't. Just that she couldn't use the tablet as it was too late. We all know screens are bad at bedtime. It's our duty to limit the screen time near bedtime for our kids so they sleep well. She could read until she felt sleepy presumably.

StreetwiseHercules · 21/07/2019 22:55

“We all know screens are bad at bedtime. It's our duty to limit the screen time near bedtime for our kids so they sleep well. ”

We don’t know that. Studies are entirely inconclusive on that but we are fed this as fact by the “mobile phones give you cancer” junk media.

The idea that children must be punished or “consequences” whenever they put a foot out of line is ridiculous. It’s part of a child’s nature to do these things.

GrassIsntGreener · 21/07/2019 22:58

I'm wondering why she cried so much, was she super tired? or scared about consequences?

If I'd caught my child they'd have just apologised and turned it off. I wonder if the rules are very tight usually and she was scared of a punishment or letting you down?

Every home has it's own set of rules I appreciate that, if she wanted to stay up longer and there's no school the next day maybe she could have permission to read until late instead? That way she can get that extra time and maybe be able to choose (within reason) when to settle to sleep.

StreetwiseHercules · 21/07/2019 22:59

For something like this with an 11 year old the appropriate response is “hey, I thought I said that was supposed to be off, can you turn it off now please?”

End of issue.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 21/07/2019 23:01

What time was this at?. At 11 and in school holidays I would happily read in bed until very late.

boltfromblue · 21/07/2019 23:01

Am I living in a parallel universe? 11 year olds are glued to their phones or tablet

MissingTheMissletoe · 21/07/2019 23:02

Just wondering if you’ve heard of google family link? It’s a brilliant app that you install on tablets/phones etc and lets you keep track of what apps they’re downloading, setting age limits so they can’t access inappropriate content. You can set screen time limits and bedtime hours where the tablet locks automatically at a certain time of night and unlocks in the morning at hours you specify. You can even get it on iPhones

GrassIsntGreener · 21/07/2019 23:04

It isn't the holidays everywhere just yet, not sure if the child has school tomorrow maybe I missed that.

In the holidays in our house it's kind of left up to my children when they sleep. But as I say, everyone has different rules.

boltfromblue · 21/07/2019 23:04

Sorry posted too soon. It's impossible to police it all the time (to the poster who said they should be supervised at 11 or in view?)

We should be teaching our children how to navigate the web, make the devices safe for them and educate ourselves on what they are doing, can do, access and how to deal with the fallout.

The 2johns are a brilliant source of information. www.esafetytraining.org

BikeRunSki · 21/07/2019 23:06

DS’s tablet (and other screen usage egPS4) is banned if I find him on his tablet after lights out. 24 hrs at first, 48hrs etc fir second offence in a week. There is no point having rules if there are no consequences for breaking them.

Hithere12 · 21/07/2019 23:07

These gadgets are completely addictive for adults, let alone kids. I’d just ask her to give it to you at a set time every night.

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