DD CAUGHT on tablet after bed time with??

[RRRplus1]

DD - 11, was allowed to stay up late tonight, when it came to her bed time, I took her to bed, she asked if she could go on her tablet for half an hour, I said no because I'd already let her stay up late.

DH went to check on our baby about 15 mins after she was taken to bed & he poked his head in her room and caught her on her tablet. I was nearby and heard him say "busted" and also heard her ask him not to tell me, he obviously did! She was in her room crying loudly.

DH wanted to go to her as he felt guilty that she got so upset and that he may have exacerbated the situation by loudly saying busted and potentially winding her up, he said, she was upset saying that I had said no, and now she was in trouble.

Was I unreasonable to ignore her crying, and not to go into her, but to call to her, to bring her tablet down and then go to bed. Not saying anything else about it?

And to ask, in the morning should I carry on as if nothing happened, or should the tablet be confiscated?

Just to add for context, I would never expect her to go on her tablet after bed time she is normally very good at doing what she is told and therefore wouldn't have thought to make sure it wasn't in her room, but maybe from now I should make sure it's out of her room at bed time.

@StreetwiseHercules - prison? Seriously ? How is not having constant access to a tablet and a phone in any way a bad thing? That's the most ridiculous comment I've read on here for some time (and there is a lot of competition for that accolade). I would argue that encouraging your children to do more than sit in front of a phone or a tablet for hours on end speaks far more of a loving home than the other way round.

@streetwiseHercules

I don't mean to be rude, but have you actually read my op, or any of my updates?

I said in the op, and then again in updates that she wasn't going to bed at 7pm last night! It was around half 9/10pm. 7pm is on school nights, which I have since said that I have recognised that it is too early for her now.

Thank you very much to all the advice, harsh or nice, I have taken everything said on board with regards to bed time, ideas for rules about the tablet, where I went wrong in how I dealt with the situation and also being more aware of what she is actually doing on her tablet.

It's very frustrating to have to repeat yourself over and over again, about key points you actually wrote in your op to make sure you didn't have to keep repeating yourself and also, once you've explained yourself, people don't read that either. So for that reason I will leave this thread now. But thank you all for your time!

“We already have a rule that there is no tech in the bedrooms.”

People who take this approach are storing up real resentment. Playing computer games in your bedroom is part of growing up and all of your childrens’ friends will be doing this entirely normal activity.

Kids are sensitive and there is no need to making growing up harder than it needs to be.

I only know a couple of families who allow consoles in kids bedrooms streetwise. The remaining kids appear to be unscathed.

For one thing, they're so expensive it's not an inconsiderable cost for more than one child!

Just keep it downstairs at bedtime but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. All kids disobey their parents sometimes.

Is it just me who thinks that this is a complete non event?

Child sneaks device into their room at bedtime, parent catches them, takes device away. End of story.

I don't know why all the tears and punishments. All seems ott.

Most kids will try their luck with stuff like this.

I don't often agree with Streetwisehercules but I absolutely do on this. I think you're heading for a teenage explosion if you don't negotiate some of your rules a bit.

Kateandme
I think I can explain it. I'm a 54 year old woman and using my iPhone at bedtime keeps me awake. It's stimulating and interactive. Conversely a book will relax me nicely and I sleep much better because I'm moved gently into sleep unless it's an especially gripping book.
Same applies to my 10 year old DD.
OP we've agreed that no one has an iPad/tablet in their bedroom overnight. This benefits is all, obviously as she gets older this may change a bit. A couple of times she's sneaked it in and been found out. My response is to laugh affectionately, say 'good try, but it's going downstairs'. She knows iPads are quite addictive.
She knows this sort of bedtime boundary puffing is ages old and a rite of passage because she knows I read books under my duvet with a torch and listened to the radio in bed and my mum caught me 😂.
But if she pushes the boundaries too far I explain why and what I think the consequences should be and ask her to think about if she thinks it's fair. I acknowledge she won't be happy about loss of privileges and say that's natural and normal. But part of life. So far this works pretty well.

I think no tech in bedrooms is a sound rule - better for sleep and safety, and the child is less likely to grow up with phones dominating their life from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep.

I think about 9.5 hours sleep is about right for 11 year olds my 10 year old DD goes to bed at 9pm on school nights and sleeps to 6.30-7.15 needs to be up at 7.30 at weekends/holidays she stays up till 9.30 occasionally 10
if on school days she needs to be up at 6.30 she needs to be asleep about 9 so 8.30 bed then half an hour reading would be about right , if she doesn't wake until 7am then bed at 9 and lights out by 9.30
I would go with no tech in bedroom and a more flexible approach to beditme even in school time lots of clubs don't even finish until after 8.

In bed by 8 then lights out at 8:30ish.

Depends on your child.
My 12 year old functions on less sleep than my 11 yr old
. Always have always will.

12 yr old is better at regulating own bed time, 11 year old will get into a right state if she doesn't get 10-12 hrs a night

7pm bedtime at 11!! My kids were often still doing activities then- football practice, swimming, rugby etc. Please don’t send her to bed at that time in High school, she will really be made fun of.