To ask you to give my head a wobble re MILs comments

[SensationsThaisweetchilli]

My MIL lives overseas. The plus point is that I get to avoid her for most of the year. The downside is that we spend 2 weeks as a family in Dh’s home country annually and we stay with MIL.

MIL is the type to always have a sly dig or passive aggressive comment ready and loaded. My favourite examples include:

• on observing me reading to my DD, ‘oh that’s lovely. I never had time to read with my DC, but oh well, at least my house was clean’
• on my WEDDING DAY when FIL observed I looked lovely ‘doesn’t she, but her family turns to fat’
• on coming back from a run ‘well done dear, but remember to work in some squats to help with those hips of yours’
• gleefully, at my GRANDMOTHER’S FUNERAL ‘you poor thing, your face is so puffy’

Dh and I have been married 12 years so I have an absolute goldmine of examples, as she is indefatigable. For the most part, I’m secure in the knowledge that Her behaviour stems from her own insecurities and will cheerfully agree with her which drives her mad.

However, after 3 DC I’m now getting older and fatter. Having exhausted the topics of my parenting and housekeeping, she has now decided to focus on my appearance. I’m finding it unexpectedly difficult, mainly because I am insecure in my looks.

I’ve tried asking her if she meant to be rude, but that devolved into a lengthy rant about some women being too sensitive and emotional. I don’t want to sink to her level and make digs at her.

Any advice on getting through such delightful questions as ‘why are you so wrinkled?’ over the next 2 weeks?

Tell her very calmly that bitter people die early and at the rate she's going ahead into last 5 years!- also tell her that you will tell her grandchildren YOUR children that they won't be able to visit granny anymore as she is horrible and not a good role model!- she's a dickhead!

"Gosh MIL, your self esteem must be at rock bottom if you feel the need to make personal digs at me like this. I do understand that you can't help it though, it's a lifetime of hurt and anger bursting out at the seams and it's not really about me at all. Here, let me make you a coffee and we can have a chat about why you feel so insecure even with a loving family around you. DH thinks it's perhaps because of blah blah blah

Show her you are not prepared to put up with her rude comments.....by not going on the holiday. If your DC hear any of her comments then think about the effect on them. I would waste the money rather than spend 2 weeks being insulted by her.

You are enabling her bad behaviour by even turning up at her home.

My FIL is a poisonous toad and makes lots of comments under the guise of 'humour'.

I now just blow raspberries at him every time he makes a 'funny' comment. It makes him laugh, diffuses the situation and they are happening less frequently...

Take them a present next time you visit,I'd go with the Bodyshop's drops of youth range.Hand it to her and say nothing,the title of the range should say everything......

i think I laughed in her face after the Kafka comment😂

Trying to remember some other blinders - she bought me some sort of compression bra (???) after kids to suppress my unladylike boobs back into place. DH stood up for me very quickly on that one!

Next time she says something, give her a hug and tell her you're so sorry. If she asks why say "I'm just sorry for all the negative emotions that you must have inside you, and that the only way you seem to be able to deal with them is by projecting them on to me like this with all these horrible comments"

Gosh, some of these are corkers, but that must be very difficult for you. My MIL has no filter and sometimes says some things that are offensive, but I know her well enough now to realise that she actually just thinks she is making a neutral and/or constructive observation/suggestion! Yours sounds like she is purposefully trying to hurt you.

In your shoes, I would get a notebook and conspicuously write down any nasty things she says. If she queries what you are doing, just say "well, I agreed with DH that I would write down any mean things you say to me and when you get to [10] he would [do nice thing for me][book me a nice hotel room for a couple of days]", so then she can see that nasty comments will be recorded and you will profit from them!

Over invested

No advice Op but wanted to share with you the comment made by my not so D Aunt yesterday. Arrived to see her after a funeral and she offered us tea or a drink. I laughingly said we’d all been on the G&Ts all day and she replied ‘Oh your middle name is Gin’ . She meant it as well as is convinced I am a complete piss artist.

Good luck, do let us know how it all goes.

I would either go with the notebook option or simply say 'Oh do Fuck off' every time.