AIBU to tell my mum about his texts?

[OrangeSlices998]

I just don’t know what to do. NC for this.

My dad text me this morning to see if I had received an essay for his Masters he asked me to proof read - absolutely fine.

Then, straight away I got a bunch of sexually explicit (very very sexual explicit!) messages from him that were not meant for me. I was disgusted, and shocked.

My parents have been married for 34 years, reasonably happy, my mum has been loyal and faithful and the best Mum to us all and I am just devastated he is texting some woman about wanting to do all sorts to her (VOM).

I told him I was upset and asked if they were for mum - said no, but that he couldn’t apologise enough for me seeing them, to do with them what I will, and that he never claimed to be a saint and won’t explain himself over text but face to face.

So, here’s my question - what ON EARTH do I do?! My mum is coming to visit next weekend, do I tell her? I have an older brother but he’d just lose his shit and have nothing helpful to offer. The fallout from this will be huge... Help?

Hello, another update.

I spoke to my Mum on a Wednesday afternoon after agreeing with my brother it was the best time to speak to her given when my DB & SIL could go over and see her without my DF being there.

However, I was very surprised to learn that my Dad had infact told her already! The day before. Not quite the whole truth of what the messages said or our email conversations but enough. It’s been going on a year, I don’t think he had any intention of leaving my Mum for her - well he wants to have his cake and eat it! The OW is someone from work apparently.

Mum was surprisingly okay, she had had no idea and I think was still in shock when we spoke yesterday and today. She’s amazing though and keeping very calm. She’s still coming to see me this weekend and we can talk more then.

Still can’t quite believe this has all happened, but am pleased my Dad took my threats seriously and told her.

Thank you for all your support and advice.

Well at least he did the ‘decent’ thing and told her. Try to enjoy your time with her. Maybe your pregnancy news will be just the tonic to give her something positive to look forward to.

How did your DM take it? I am glad he didn't take the cowards route leaving it to you to break the news.
Jez after 34 years, you never know unfortunately.

I haven't rtft. Has he had affairs in the past.

I would keep my mouth well and truly shut on the matter.

And chew my father to shreds when I see him next.

Ooops, sorry, that'll teach me to rtft.

I am glad that he did and that your mum is as ok as could be expected.

Remember to offer to help if dm wants a new patio....

I wonder if it may be helpful to print out the emails between you this week, and the "cheater's script" that's often mentioned in this situation. If you're dad intends to maintain the status quo, it might be useful for your mum to see his words in writing, and compare what he's saying to the usual script.

your dad

I honestly think you’d have a whole army of MN patio building volunteers if you just say the word...

.

I would be very surprised if he told her the whole truth; just enough and completely minimising his behaviour.

I hope your weekend was as ok as it could be

How is your mother? I have been thinking of her all weekend. How are you now? What a massive responsibility!!!

I hope you're ok. Your dad is an arse. He's selfishly blown his family apart and by lashing out at you has ruined your special time re the wedding and pregnancy. Don't let him blame you a jot. This all down to his behaviour.

What an absolute cunt he is.

I’m naturally (because I’m a normal person!) disgusted by your father’s affair.

However, I’m even more disgusted by how he has treat you. His behaviour towards you has been nothing short of disgraceful.

I hope you are getting a lot of support from your DH bil/sil & friends because your ‘Dad’ has treat you really horribly.

How was your weekend?

Congratulations on your pregnancy 🌷🍰☕️ Did you tell your Mum?