To get annoyed when people say “why don’t you just adopt”?

[Jojobears]

Often when people are talking about someone struggling to conceive (especially on online discussions) someone will suggest “why don’t you just adopt”

This just really annoys me:

It’s not a straightforward process. You don’t just get handed a perfect newborn. The days that unmarried women and girls were pressured into giving up their babies are (thankfully) gone.

Most children looking for adoption are not babies. Most children have significant issues due to mistreatment or neglect. Many babies have severe issues due to drug or alcohol abuse by the mother when she was pregnant.

The process for adoption is brutal: every single aspect of your lifestyle, personality and past is held to scrutiny by strangers.

Even when the child comes to live with you there can be issues. Severe behavioural and mental challenges. Having to keep in touch with birth families.

It’s not a walk in the park; i bet you every person who flippantly says “why don’t you just adopt” has never actually adopted or tried to adopt

@howmanyusernames. We went through the adoption process a number of years ago. It was drilled into us that we were highly unlikely to adopt a baby. And that almost every child looking for a home would have issues (usually related to parents drug addiction: we live in a council area where it is rife)

I think it depends on your local authority. We actually adopted out of area, and our SW said after we’d adopted that they had ‘lots of babies coming through’.
The training we were given was very much about all the negatives, but after doing research we worked out they give you the worst possible scenario.
Yes some babies/children will have problems, but some also won’t. And you deal with each as and when it happens, like you would a birth child.

I'm single and would love to have children. But just haven't met anyone. My colleagues are always asking why I don't adopt it have IVF. I have MS, so would never be approved for adoption, and I would not want to risk being a single parent with the MS. Although I'm very well with it. It wouldn't be fair on the child if it went down hill. Drives me up the wall.

My impression is that overseas adoption is more of an option for the well off. You still need to go through the vetting process and you will need to pay for this yourself, around £10-£12k. Then facilitation fees which alone can be in the tens of thousands depending on country, legal fees, travel and accommodation costs, plus loss of salary as in the case of most employers you will not be entitled to statutory (paid) adoption leave until your child has arrived in the UK. Not really an option for someone on an average wage.