WIU? Male in Female Area - Child

[Dino1]

DD is 10 and does an activity which requires she gets changed on the premises. The activity is 9-18 years mixed sex. Yesterday DD and others were changing in designated female area and 17 year old male enters and stays. DD says she was in her knickers at the time as were others, they all tried to hide.
I complained to captain who apologised but said if it makes me feel better the male is gay. It doesn't make me feel better. DD was very upset by it and felt vulnerable.
DH says I was unreasonable to complain as these things happen and the boy was obviously not in there to perv but to be with his friends. DH says it's not right but that making a fuss is not going to help anyone.
I am fuming, with DH attitude, with a 17 year old boy/man thinking it's ok to go into female area where young girls are undressed, and with captain for thinking sexuality has any implication and not recognising how inappropriate this is.
I am not unreasonable am I? The captain has apologised and said it will never happen again. Am I overreacting here? I am still angry and feel this is serious and not just one of those things.

YANBU.

Yabbers If the boy identified as a girl, there would be many, many individuals and groups, the latter including some receiving public funding,who would say It's perfectly OK and categorically tell you that you are a bigot for suggesting otherwise. See Mermaids and Stonewall. The NSPCC refused to answer questions hypothesising just such a scenario here on Mumsnet, when they had agreed to a webchat about safeguarding. Girl Guiding UK similarly.

They stopped having shared changing facilities at my DD's primary at Y5.

Would your dh ok still if your dd was 18 and a 20 year old male came in the changing room. Probably not.

You actually thought there might be a situation where a man approaching adulthood should be in a changing room of young girls and that people would say that was ok? Doubt it.

Two people on this thread have minimised it and implied that OP is making a fuss. Her own DH did the same.

Sadly some people regard women only spaces as very unimportant.

I think dh would say it's fine if he says he's gay,

This is a men and non men thing isn't it.

He thinks it’s ok? But it’s not his call who enters the ladies area is it?

YADNBU OP, I have 10 & 12 year old DDs and would have immediately demanded the young man leave the changing area. You were perfectly within your rights to complain in order to protect the privacy of your daughter and the other females in the room. I would be disappointed if my DH reacted as yours has. Being gay has absolutely NO bearing on the situation whatsoever. Good for you!

I hope your husband is not voicing these views in front of your daughter. Because, if so, what he is teaching her to do is to put up and shut up when her boundaries are violated by males.

^^ Completely agree.

This reminds me of a manager I had years ago who kept groping my bottom. When I complained to him, he said it didn't mean anything because he was gay. As though that makes it OK!

OP, well done on supporting your daughter! Her feelings matter!

When I said about feeling validated, it wasn't because I doubted myself necessarily but because the two adults I had spoken to had both made me feel like I was overreacting and it was reassuring to see I wasn't.
Btw, the captain is female.

Surely this is a basic safeguarding issue?

I understand where you are coming from but unfortunately female spaces no longer exist and males now have access.

I just can't understand why this young man thought it was okay to enter the female changing rooms. What man thinks it's okay to enter female changing rooms? Just stay out of female spaces ffs.

No, not legally.

DH says I was unreasonable to complain as these things happen

What ‘things’?

Does your DH feel he could meander into the ladies changing room himself, if the fancy took him? I literally can’t grasp why he’s so adamant that you must accept this because there’s nothing amiss with it. I’d be quite concerned, tbh.

Interestingly I had assumed the captain was male...

I think that it’s a sign of the times and one of the reasons that female rights are so easily and rapidly being eroded that if your dh (a male you’d normally consider to be reasonable and get these things, especially if his dd is involved), a gay 17yr old male (plus presumably his female 17 yr old team mates he was chatting to) and a female dance/whatever etc captain are all happy to dismiss this as a non issue and not really see what the problem is then how easy is it for those that actively want to manipulate the system

The captain is female. . How old?

Wibble
Cross post. Agreed. Totally. I’m assuming captain is fairly young.

What a strange response from a female captain.

It took you a very long time to drop that little nugget, OP. Strange that you would forget to mention it.

@S1naidSucks not sure why it's relevant. The relevant genders are my DD and the male in the changing room.
It's not a "little nugget", it's something I mentioned as I saw a few posts and realised that others had assumed that the captain was male, so I corrected.
Why is it relevant, and why the attitude about it? What difference does it make?

I’m not really seeing the relevance either, I have to say?

Did this guy have I’M GAY tattooed on his forehead? Your DH is being a prick and the captain needs to have a shirt sharp course in safeguarding, he is also a prick.

Ok, the captain is female. Not relevant, she clearly doesn’t have a fucking clue about safeguarding.