WIU? Male in Female Area - Child

[Dino1]

DD is 10 and does an activity which requires she gets changed on the premises. The activity is 9-18 years mixed sex. Yesterday DD and others were changing in designated female area and 17 year old male enters and stays. DD says she was in her knickers at the time as were others, they all tried to hide.
I complained to captain who apologised but said if it makes me feel better the male is gay. It doesn't make me feel better. DD was very upset by it and felt vulnerable.
DH says I was unreasonable to complain as these things happen and the boy was obviously not in there to perv but to be with his friends. DH says it's not right but that making a fuss is not going to help anyone.
I am fuming, with DH attitude, with a 17 year old boy/man thinking it's ok to go into female area where young girls are undressed, and with captain for thinking sexuality has any implication and not recognising how inappropriate this is.
I am not unreasonable am I? The captain has apologised and said it will never happen again. Am I overreacting here? I am still angry and feel this is serious and not just one of those things.

Sounds like you have raised a good, alert little girl there too @Dino1 she did great by telling you too!

He doesn't feel threatened, he is the only male.

We're not allowed to say we feel uncomfortable with it. That makes us "bigots" etc. Women must shut up and not feel uncomfortable.

I would actually be really concerned, being gay might just be a front, why else would he stay in there? I would also be angry

"be with his friends. "
He's 17 not 7. She is 10. Klaxon noises if I heard a 17 year old saying that about why he should be getting changed with pre-pubescent children.

Your DH's attitude is disgusting but indicative of the very reasons this shit keeps happening.

Is there anyone else of his age group involved? It’s seriously weird for a 17 year old boy to take part in an activity where the other participants are 10 year old girls, even if it’s technically open to both, unless he’s a bit developmentally delayed.

P

Thank you everyone for validation, I was beginning to feel like I was in some surreal alternative reality where females didn't matter and the dignity of females and children were not important.... Oh wait! 😞

There are girls his age there, it is a mixed age group and DD is one of the youngest.

You're right. Your DH is wrong. 'Making a fuss' (ie standing up for your DDs rights) does help somebody - it helps the girls. And as the captain has apologised and said it won't happen again clearly it was worth complaining about.

YANBU

If it makes a difference the male is the only male on the team, and it is a "traditionally" female activity.

Synchronised swimming?

@JellySlice think more Billy Elliot, which I know is mixed but they seriously lack in males unfortunately.

I'm not asking because I can identify the session or any of the people. I can't. Just that synchro fits the description.

Then the concern I had is less relevant.

Ask your husband why he thinks so little if his daughter’s right to privacy and dignity. Ask him if he is actually happy that a man feels that he has the right to enter a female space, regardless of how the females feel?

Er, tell DH that making a fuss will help your DD and other girls like her! This young person's sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do with it: it's a personal space for your DD and the other girls and it's how THEY feel and think that matters, not what the 17 year old feels or thinks. YANBU.

Your husband sounds unequipped to be a parent to a female, who will unfortunately shortly draw a lot of attention. YANBU to find it difficult to trust the coach. He should know better. Pps have suggested asking to view the safeguarding policy.

I have an 11 yo dd and I would be mightily upset if this happened. This boys sexuality is completely irrelevant.

You're not at all unreasonable. The fact that girls tried to hide is evidence of that and whether or not the guy is gay is irrelevant. I've had gay male friends and colleagues and don't dress and undress in front of them, neither would they be happy if I did.

I don't understand why the young chap went in there in the first place. He should have known better.

Hmph, bah.

Sexuality plays no part in why a young man shouldn't be in female changing rooms, it doesn't matter one bit. I would be furious if that was the response given, esp with her father.

I'd be so upset if this happened to my 11yr old DD, definitely NBU to complain or to take it further.

YANBU, and your DH is being a monumental prick on this.

You need to make an official complaint and raise it as a safeguarding issue with whoever is in charge. Absolutely not OK, and the response so far not nearly good enough.

Good for you and for your DD for seeing through the bullshit.

I was impressed that Phil Neville deliberately stayed away from his team's changing room during the World Cup.
Because he respects space for women. His sister is an international sportswoman - now manages UK netball team. I imagine he knows what is important to women and girls in sport.

He's the only male?

And yet chose to not get changed alone but to go in with young girls?

How very odd.

You must be disappointed with your husband.

"These things happen"-how exactly??

It was inappropriate for him to be there.
I’m glad your daughter told you about it.
I agree- make an official complaint.

Girls and young women do not have to fear rape in order have privacy. They are entitled to personal dignity and privacy, regardless.

THIS!