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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit angry with DP

120 replies

PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 19/07/2019 08:16

Or is it just pregnancy hormones playing a part?

To cut a long story shorter. DP has a younger brother in his 20's, hes a bit of a cocky lad but is alright. He has a new girlfriend who is abit gobby chavvy?

DP asked q few weeks ago if they could sleep at put house while were away for 10 days next month. I said absolutely not. It means they would have to sleep in our room as currently doing a nursery in spare room.

I just dont like the thought of someone have free reign of our house with my belongings in while were not there for that period of time.. or any period if time.
There are things I have that are private and although it's not nice to assume they'll go rummaging around, it really puts me on edge (I suffer with anxiety).

This morning, DP accidentally let it slip that they will be staying, even though I said I didnt feel comfortable with it.

It seemed like he tried to cover his tracks and say he was only coming to some work on our kitchen floor for a day. I said I didnt like it but if it was just a day then I'll have to deal with it, but DP kept pressing me on why they coulsnt stay the full 10 days and kept calling me horrible. I feel like he has invited them to stay and is going to let them behind my back. I said I aanyws to lock the bedroom doors and take the keys, he went mental about it so I think there more to it than just a day!

Should I just let them stay? I feel like I'm going to worry all holiday about qhata happening in my house :( I do feel abit horrible, so AIBU?

OP posts:
MissingTheMissletoe · 19/07/2019 08:19

I’ve regularly watched a house for family or friends and had them do the same to me so I don’t really get the problem

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2019 08:22

I would have let them stay, but your husband must know about your mental health issues and that that's what's causing your reaction, so maybe he could try to reassure you more.

Get a safe from Amazon for any private paperwork.

TheSerenDipitY · 19/07/2019 08:25

i think i would be annoyed that hes lying about them staying rather than calling you names because you dont want them to, and the fact that he mentioned it and you said no and hes invited them anyway... thats more of an issue to me

Ihavepatrick · 19/07/2019 08:26

Yanbu I wouldn't let them stay, your dp is being an arse. You're pregnant so it's your decision.

Monsterdogs · 19/07/2019 08:26

My sister is always welcome at my house. She has a chavvy bf too and i accept him on her behalf. I would be angry if my DP said they couldnt use our house if we were away.
However, if it is making you anxious you should come up with a compromise. Maybe let them in the house but lock your bedroom door? They could always sleep on an airbed

Topseyt · 19/07/2019 08:27

With the exception of my MIL staying to look after our then very young children while we were away for a few days, I've never had people actually staying in our house without us being there. I wouldn't be comfortable with it.

I've had neighbours and friends coming and going to feed the cat whenever we were on holiday, but nothing more.

I hope your DP isn't trying to deceive you here and is letting them stay for the whole ten days. I'd be furious if that happened.

NameChangeNugget · 19/07/2019 08:28

I think YABU

SpotlessMind · 19/07/2019 08:28

Yanbu- it’s your home not an airBNB. I would feel exactly the same as you about anyone staying at mine. But actually, whether anyone else would/wouldn’t feel comfortable is irrelevant- your husband asked and you said no, doing it behind your back is awful.

Greywalls12 · 19/07/2019 08:30

I'd feel the same, your DH's being a dick

Treaclesweet · 19/07/2019 08:32

YANBU. I would not have some 20 year old dixkhead and his girlfriend who I didn't know very well rooting around my house while I was away! I'd be super annoyed at your DP also for going behind your back.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 19/07/2019 08:32

YANBU. I wouldn't like this either; people I didn't particularly care for, shagging in my bed and using my house as who-knows-what. They could well invite others round for parties too. No way.
You don't have to justify your reasons for saying no to this, but it also sounds very much as if your dh has already told them they can stay. That is your bigger problem. Not only has he gone against what you agreed, but he's also lying to you about it. Not good.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/07/2019 08:33

Why do they want to stay?

Your DH is being massively unreasonable if he’s gone behind your back on this. I think I would lock the bedroom door and hide the key.

Cheeserton · 19/07/2019 08:33

Hell no! NOBODY stays in our bed/bedroom, because like you I just hate the idea. I totally respect that others are more comfortable with it, but people have different boundaries and it's clear the idea upsets you a lot. He should be more respectful of that and he knows he's doing wrong because he's sneaking around hiding it from you. YANBU.

Tish008 · 19/07/2019 08:35

You have every right to not want anyone staying in your house, my home is my sanctuary and I wouldn't want people staying in my bed., no way.

If you're not happy with it, that's all you need to say.

PeggySuehadababy · 19/07/2019 08:35

I'd probably keep the bedroom locked with your valuables in it, and don't give access to it; for the rest I'd allow them to stay. Is that a possible solution?

Stressedout10 · 19/07/2019 08:36

Yadnbu tell him and bil no yourself and lock them out of your room

Percypigparade · 19/07/2019 08:36

What's the stuff about him doing work for you while you're away?

Hwory · 19/07/2019 08:36

So they want to play house whilst your away?

No thanks!

I also suffer with (diagnosed) anxiety and my home and bedroom are my safe spaces. Intruders not allowed.

Also bit gross that they’ll be shagging in your bed. Yes I know clean sheets, hotels etc but you KNOW THEM.

LannieDuck · 19/07/2019 08:37

I agree with an earlier PP - it's the lying and going behind your back that's a problem.

amylou8 · 19/07/2019 08:38

YANBU I would hate this too. And DP going behind your back is even more unacceptable. If you're worried about what is going on at home there is no way you will relax and enjoy your holiday.

crustycrab · 19/07/2019 08:39

"You're pregnant so it's your decision." Wtf? Must've missed the memo that I get to do what I like when pregnant Hmm

Sounds like you are happy for them to come and do work for you but not happy to let them stay in return. Don't get what the gf being "chavvy" has to do with it either

Sparkle733 · 19/07/2019 08:39

I definitely wouldn’t let them stay either especially if she’s a new girlfriend not like you know her very well either.
I’d be locking the bedroom and taking the key.

BlueSkiesLies · 19/07/2019 08:42

I almost always have pet/housesitters stay when I’m away

What do you actually think they are going to do in your previous house that will sully it for your return?

Cook dinner? Watch a tV? Maybe have sec in your bed - tell them to get clean sheets on for your return.

Pywife2 · 19/07/2019 08:42

We let my friend stay at our house when we go away, so I wouldn't have a problem about that, although I agree it does feel strange.

But if my husband was against the idea, it wouldn't happen. I have too much respect for him to go behind his back and arrange it anyway, then put emotional pressure on him to accept the situation. It wouldn't matter what this was about, it's the way he's handled it that's the problem, as if your opinion doesn't count, only his.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/07/2019 08:43

Why do they want to stay? Do they both still live with patents, in which case you’re home will be used as a shag pad for 10 days .... I wouldn’t like that one bit

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