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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit angry with DP

120 replies

PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 19/07/2019 08:16

Or is it just pregnancy hormones playing a part?

To cut a long story shorter. DP has a younger brother in his 20's, hes a bit of a cocky lad but is alright. He has a new girlfriend who is abit gobby chavvy?

DP asked q few weeks ago if they could sleep at put house while were away for 10 days next month. I said absolutely not. It means they would have to sleep in our room as currently doing a nursery in spare room.

I just dont like the thought of someone have free reign of our house with my belongings in while were not there for that period of time.. or any period if time.
There are things I have that are private and although it's not nice to assume they'll go rummaging around, it really puts me on edge (I suffer with anxiety).

This morning, DP accidentally let it slip that they will be staying, even though I said I didnt feel comfortable with it.

It seemed like he tried to cover his tracks and say he was only coming to some work on our kitchen floor for a day. I said I didnt like it but if it was just a day then I'll have to deal with it, but DP kept pressing me on why they coulsnt stay the full 10 days and kept calling me horrible. I feel like he has invited them to stay and is going to let them behind my back. I said I aanyws to lock the bedroom doors and take the keys, he went mental about it so I think there more to it than just a day!

Should I just let them stay? I feel like I'm going to worry all holiday about qhata happening in my house :( I do feel abit horrible, so AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 19/07/2019 15:54

@bertandrussel.

My compromise was to lock the bedroom doors and they can come but he waant happy with that so if he wont compromise with me then it isn't happening.

Tbh I think it stems back to when I was a younger teen my older brother stayed home and has a house party while I was on holiday with parents and I came home to my underwear strung around everywhere and photo on the internet of boys wearing my underwear. It was not nice.

I'm going home tonight to tell him no, they canr and wont be staying. There is absolutely no reason they need to stay at our house when his dad has a 4 bedroom house with only one son left living there, him and his girlfriend can go there.

OP posts:
Original poster
PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 19/07/2019 15:57

I didn't assume being pregnant meant I had a final say, to those who think I did.

Only said it for context as I dodnt know of I was being unreasonable or just being emotional due to hormones all over the place.

OP posts:
Original poster
PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 19/07/2019 16:00

@MRex they have no reason to stay.

The girlfriend lives 45 minutes away from us, DP's brother lives 20 minutes aqay, that's 20 minutes for him and 45 minutes for her, a longer journey to work every day. I just dont see why they would want to unless it's purely to have sex without parents home..

I. Do. Not. Want. People. Having. Sex. In. My. Bed. Unless. It. Is. Me.

OP posts:
diddl · 19/07/2019 16:08

Well if they don't live together I would say it's pretty obvious why they want to stay.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 19/07/2019 16:16

YANBU. Ick.

MRex · 19/07/2019 20:08

Oh yuck. No, I couldn't be having that. Your DH needs to come up with a way round this.

GabsAlot · 19/07/2019 21:16

Is there anyway you can leave a key in the door on the inside and go out another way then noone can get in

Awrite · 19/07/2019 21:25

Stick to your guns.

No need for them to say. And, I'd say you have a very understandable reason given what happened to you when you were a teenager.

Not that you need a reason for not wanting your privacy invaded.

Bestlife19 · 19/07/2019 22:42

You’re not being unreasonable. I’ll have certain people stay to watch our cat but not just anyone. Good friends, not my own sister on my hubbies sisters, because they are either nosey or unreliable. My close friends who I trust stay. It’s your home and should be what you feel comfortable with. It’s nothjng to do with them being chavy you obs just don’t trust them. Hubby is bad having them stay when you said no- it’s your joint home and a joint decision. Xx

Nanny0gg · 19/07/2019 23:17

It's one thing if they stay when the OP is there, but entirely another when she's not.

They're not her relatives, it's her bedroom and stuff, it's her house and stuff and I'm sorry, but I don't believe for a second that the gf won't have a look in the wardrobe or some cupboards.

She should definitely have the veto here.

Pywife2 · 20/07/2019 09:36

It's not only your home, it's also your DP's. Why do your wants trump his? I would let them stay, YABU.

This isn't a case of the OP's wants trumping her DP's. In a marriage, both partners should respect each other's wishes and he's made a suggestion for a course of action she has a problem with. In a similar situation, if my DH really didn't like something I suggested, and it bothered him, I would respect that. If it created problems, we'd have to talk it over and come to a conclusion together, but he would have the veto. I'd expect the same treatment from him.

The problem is, OP's DP has ignored her wishes and gone ahead as if he's the only person involved.

billy1966 · 20/07/2019 10:09

Definitely YANBU.

His brother wants a little holiday playing grownups in your bed.

Absolutely not.

Stick to your guns.

If your partner allows them stay at your house without your permission I would call that a huge breach of trust.

I would lock your bedroom door and tell him it's because you don't trust him.

Mind yourself OP.

He doesn't sound very respectful of you.

BrendasUmbrella · 20/07/2019 16:38

It is his home too, yes. So if the OP wanted to invite people to stay, he should have the right to veto it. It's a home for both. Both should be able to say no to unwanted guests.

Mitzimaybe · 22/07/2019 09:20

What happened when you told him no, OP?

TheSerenDipitY · 22/07/2019 12:57

i would ask him straight, " are they staying here while we are away" if he says yes, i would tell him im staying home go on holiday by yourself , if he says no i would lock the bedrooms doors and any other doors, just in case, and when i got home if they had stayed there i would strongly suggest that he goes and sleeps somewhere else for the time being, as yes he lied to you

Original poster
PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 22/07/2019 13:34

I told him no, I'm not comfortable with it and if he were in my shoes I would say no too.

He was about short and blunt but said it was fine and would ask him to come and do our kitchen before we go.

I just cant help but feel like they're going to come here anyway now as i know his dad has a key that he will give to his brother. I think I've lost a little bit of trust.

OP posts:
TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 22/07/2019 13:40

Our cat sitter stays when we go away, better to have someone around. Put two mattress protectors on and burn the top one when you get home if it makes you feel better. Bil is clearly doing some work for you for free too, favours are reciprocal.

billy1966 · 22/07/2019 14:30

OP, photograph each room before you go and you'll know if anyone has been there.

It's very poor and extremely disrespectful if anyone stays at your house after you have said No.

lmusic87 · 22/07/2019 14:45

Its your home, do what you want

Original poster
PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 22/07/2019 15:26

@TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan

Actually were paying him quite a lot of money to do it Hmm

OP posts:
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