I know IABU but can I just say here....

[BadBadBadPerson]

(because I cannot say it anywhere else) - primary school plays can be utterly shite!

Just sat through two hours of too long Yr5/6 school production.

Each child is/was wonderful. And truly I think this - (used to volunteer there so I know a lot of them personally). And I know it is hard work to put on. Some spoke/sang/acted better than others. Everyone tried hard. It was a great team effort. Most smiled. They all had a lovely time. Etc etc. Yes. Agreed.

But OMFG as a whole event....urghhhhhh. Shite.

Not quite clear enough speaking by everyone to follow the play. Too long (12 scenes this delight had). Trying too hard to get every pun ever invented in. But puns only work if they are spoken clearly...otherwise they fall very, very flat. Trying to get every child on stage, even if just for one line. The hall wayyyy too hot. The sound effects tooo loud.

And then at the end everyone saying how wonderfully marvellous it was.

I know, I know I am a totally grumpy bitch.

Thank god this is DC3 and this is the last one I will ever, ever have to sit through. looks back resentfully at the 13 years of primary school plays I have smiling watched

Go ahead, tell me I am a total bitch...

Agreed. Glad it's not just me. Some school plays: brilliant. Others (Darwin Rocks), utter, utter bollocks. Purgatory.

My ds goes to a two class in take primary. His year 6 play is a shared event with year 5 so that's 120 children to find parts for

I am the soppiest parent out and would tip up to the opening of a paper bag, but my Lord, those plays are impossible to follow.

It doesn't help that ds is a shy introvert and buries himself at the back of the stage so I only catch an occasional glimpse.

Yanbu.

And the mumbling! Oh god! When you can't hear a word they're saying. And every fibre of my being wants to scream 'SPEAK UP!!!'
Instead I sit there smiling like a deranged lunatic.

Totally agree. I don't even have kids at school yet but as a teacher have sat through enough, ones I've helped with and ones I haven't.

It's frustrating after weeks of rehearsal when kids still don't speak clearly, or they turn their backs to the audience, or none of them are singing.

The last two I saw though (School of Rock and Lion King) have been fabulous!

Following did through primary - every bloody harvest festival was exactly the same, dd was just one class further up each time.
Boring as hell but smiled through each one

Two hours! Who's brainwave was that?

Is it appropriate to share here now that I watched my dds y5&6 performance this morning and it was blooming marvellous.

Generally they're hideous.... But I'd never tell the kids that. The other day I had to sit through a recorder concert. Oh the pain!

YANBU
(Although for me it was music concerts and sports days)

@arethereanyleftatall a couple of the years have been brilliant. A couple we had were Dahl-esque Cinderalla/Snow White AFAIremember. Funny, well cast (clearly spoken narrator helps) and not too long.

Tonight's was just awful.

@PeevedNiamh - I feel your pain all three of mine played the violin...9 years of violin concerts

I can grit my teeth through the plays, but the fresh hell that is 30 beginner recorder players, the same again of inept tambourine bangers and an assortment of children manhandling tiny violins and over-blowing flutes in a broiling room for an hour is where I really struggle. DH refuses to take his turn at the sound torture, so it’s always me, on the hottest evening of every year...

I think I shall be cracking open the champagne at the Yr6 leavers assembly hopes they don't sing

Yes. Awful things. Especially if there are recorders. Or street dancing. Or both.

Totally agree.

I literally danced a jig around the lounge when our school got a new Head and their first move was to scrap the annual Christmas "show", I remember watching one - Cinderella and Rockefeller or something equally awful - and losing the will to live before poor CInders had even met her fair godmother. Just AWFUL. And another dreadful one about "A lad in trouble". Pirates of the "Curry-Bean".

Just stop writing this shite. Schools, stop buying it.

This year the head replaced the 2 hour shite show with 30 minutes of Christmas carols in the hall Much less painful all round.

Air pods, hair down to cover your ears, audio book on.

It’s the best way to get through these things.

Its the combination of all the instruments at once (they call it an ‘orchestra’) that is genuinely painful. But they’re all trying so hard (including the adult helpers) so you have to somehow smile.

Mine put on Joseph the musical years back and it was so bloody long, it was in a large local theatre but half the kids didn’t have mikes so you couldn’t hear anything and only 1 of the whole year was better than tone deaf (my own DD included). It was hilarious and brilliant but also bizarre and I ended up paying £15 for a DVD of it which is unwatchable 😂😂🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh yes our school did a steel drums concert. 30 plus drums banged by year 4 kids with zero sense of volume or rhythm. I could of cried with relief when it was all over

Mine did young voices at the 02 and that was so much better it was brilliant

Oh you lovely, lovely people. You are making me feel less of an evil bitch.

I am just so done with the whole thing now. Year 6 leavers madness seems to have taken over...plays, parties, assemblies. DC3 is ready to leave. I am ready for them to leave. A whole heap of overly sentimental, over-hyped shite. bahhumbug

I may also have a bit of PMT

Just not being able to see because you are in the middle, vertically challenged and there are two six foot dads in front of you. Then they get up with their ipads. Nobody can move into the aisles because they are ushered back due to fire regs. And the school hall is flat and children are not allowed onto more than two foot of staging. I'm so glad those days are over for me.

The Nativity playsAll of my 3 DC were a little shy... all played sheep/similar - all looked totally bewildered for the duration... And the recorders..🤦🏻‍♀️ Very sweet but😬😬😬

I feel your pain. Yesterday I sat through 2 hours of Cinderella Rockefella for the Y5/Y6 class. It's a very small school so around 32 kids in the play. They still managed to drag it out to 2 hours. And inventing roles purely to give every child a chance makes for much confusion. My DD was a bear who had to drag a grammar nazi off the stage ffs!

Not a grammar nazi - a censor - or so I think anyway - he kept telling people they couldn't say what they were saying.