I know IABU but can I just say here....

[BadBadBadPerson]

(because I cannot say it anywhere else) - primary school plays can be utterly shite!

Just sat through two hours of too long Yr5/6 school production.

Each child is/was wonderful. And truly I think this - (used to volunteer there so I know a lot of them personally). And I know it is hard work to put on. Some spoke/sang/acted better than others. Everyone tried hard. It was a great team effort. Most smiled. They all had a lovely time. Etc etc. Yes. Agreed.

But OMFG as a whole event....urghhhhhh. Shite.

Not quite clear enough speaking by everyone to follow the play. Too long (12 scenes this delight had). Trying too hard to get every pun ever invented in. But puns only work if they are spoken clearly...otherwise they fall very, very flat. Trying to get every child on stage, even if just for one line. The hall wayyyy too hot. The sound effects tooo loud.

And then at the end everyone saying how wonderfully marvellous it was.

I know, I know I am a totally grumpy bitch.

Thank god this is DC3 and this is the last one I will ever, ever have to sit through. looks back resentfully at the 13 years of primary school plays I have smiling watched

Go ahead, tell me I am a total bitch...

But as music and drama teachers we can’t win, because every year there are threads on here complaining with vitriol about teachers who just pick the same kids every year to have the lead parts and then other parents complain that we’re not giving people a fair chance, but when we do give every child the opportunity to have a line or two we get lambasted because they go on too long or you can’t hear all the words etc etc. I’ve done countless school productions and concerts over the years and yes some things have objectively been dire. However I see the progress made across the years and genuinely value the contribution of every single child. It may be the only chance that particular child ever has to learn an instrument/perform in public and that experience all contributes to being a well rounded person. As a music/drama teacher I find sports day utterly tedious and yet I sit through them every single year, cheering the kids on, because it’s important to give them that experience. I still have kids 10 years on that talk about ‘when they got a splurge gun’ in Bugsy Malone, or who tell me with glee that they can still remember all the colours in Joseph’s coat. Those shared memories are priceless, and in the same way that residential trips have value beyond their actual activities, any team effort and experience that makes children work together in different groups outside their comfort zone has a benefit to them.

But two hours is far too long-performances should be an hour max and have no interval #goldenrule

I've got to give a shout out to the teacher who wrote the play at DDs primary school end of term play. I may be biased because DD had a role.

The play was based on Robin Hood. Every time the Sherrif of Nottingham was mentionrd, DD jumped on stage, dressed as a "cow boys and indians" sherrif shouting something or other.

The play was great fun.

Well done that teacher!

You are right, they are often awful, mostly because too many children. Yesterday was dd's and for once it was actually enjoyable, not too long and only 30 kids

I sat through leavers assembly today, seemed everyone else cried apart from me, I'm not sure what the bits that I was supposed to cry at were. Leavers assemblies seem to bring out the sadness Olympics though.

But yes, on the whole, they can be fairly tedious

I've seen a few awful ones - DS was in a play in Year 2 where they passed one microphone around between them , even during the action scenes. Really hard to follow the plot but I suppose it would have been worse without it!

I've been to some good ones as well though, the Year 6 production of Beauty and the Beast was bearable. Only the kids who wanted a big part had lines and the rest just joined in the songs and dances.

@DonkeyHohtay

"Pirates of the "Curry-Bean".

Arrrgh! Yes, DS did that in Yr6, last year. He was 'Gooseneck'. Dear god, the whole thing was awful. But we smiled and clapped.

DS loved it though, which was the main thing.

I agree, we had to seat though 2 hrs 15 mins one year!!!

Oh GOD yes, you are not alone OP. At least I only have one DC, who is now at secondary school. They still have musical shows, but the standard is a bit higher ie the only kids who take part are the ones with enthusiasm and some aptitude (though I remember an utter horror when DS was in Year 7 with a succession of 12-year-old girls who all thought they were Katy Perry, and a piano in dire, DIRE need of tuning. And they kept the lights up, so I was nearly turning inside out in the effort not to flinch at some of the agonising wrong notes.)

YANBU! I used to dread the bloody piggin' school concerts/school plays. Our kids would be on 'stage' for maybe 2-3 minutes to 10 minutes maximum, out of 2 hours, and we had to sit on a shitty uncomfortable chair, in a boiling hot hall, listening to, and watching what was basically a bore-fest for the most part. We would sometimes have to pay for the privilege too! (£5 each!)

Wait til your kids graduate University @BadBadBadPerson Now THAT was a chuffing snoozefest. It lasted from 8.30am to 4pm, just hanging around for 7-8 hours; queuing up for cap and gown, queuing up for a photoshoot (goodbye £125 for the cap and gown rental and the photos,) queuing up for food, drink, and toilets, then queuing for Graduation souvenirs, then a long, long sit-down, while they spend 2 to 2.5 hours handing out the 'degree certificate' to some 350 Graduates.

Twice I did that, and I am glad I don't have to do it again anytime soon! And I do NOT miss the school plays, and sports days etc. I mean, I guess I just got on with it at the time, and didn't think much of it, but looking back, it was tedious sometimes.

We also have a Victorian school, with central hall. It's like watching a play in an echo chamber. Every little sound bounces off the parquet floor, the hard walls and the glazed roof. I'm usually wincing as the kids are bellowing their lines.

I fucking hate school productions. And our school is v well funded and does them with bells on. Don’t care if DD is the lead or an extra, it’s literally just the free wine that keeps me going. Usually I zone out entirely and start making lists of things I’d like to do over the weekend.

There, I’m a horrible parent and person.

I do, honestly, sympathise with the teachers and their intention to let every kid have a go, because the kids usually enjoy it. I just wish they'd allow parents to bring in at least a hip flask...
(Oh, and former HT of DS' primary... I will not forget the fact that you used to conclude every appalling performance of atonal bawling and squealing recorders with 'Wasn't that lovely, shall we hear it again?' NOOOOOO FFS NOOOO!)

As a student teacher I helped with the nativity production.
We had a morning show and an afternoon show.
The morning show was perfect. You could hear all the lines. They all where on the right cues etc.
The show after lunch oh my!
The younger children came back covered in food. The baby Jesus doll went missing and we had to carry on without him. They where hyper and forgot all their lines.
It was nothing short of chaos.
In that moment got a new found respect for school shows and what the teacher go through 😂😂
Still as a parent I can't wait for them to be over though. You are not alone.

Both our current schools put on amazing inclusive shows several times a year..their drama departments are fabulous and have raked seating so you can actually see.

I do remember the abysmal DD year1/2 nativity where for 1.5 hours the year 1s just sat there and sang, except DD didn’t sing and as she didn’t have her glasses on she didn’t even know we were actually there. Painful.

My favourite year was the one where two sheep fell off the stage, one kid kept bursting into the same song at the wrong moment and then missed his actual cue, a shepherd poked a star in the eye with overenthusiastic pointing and a fight broke out among the angels.

Omg....wait until your child decides to take up a musical instrument and you have to sit through school concerts for three years....

My proudest parenting moment was when DD2, aged 7, played the part of 'mince' in a production, dressed in a kind of sandwich board ting painted with squiggles. Yes, actual mince, as in bolognese. I think it was something to do with healthy eating, but I had zoned out way way before...

Yanbu I just went to a sports day for nursery kids. It was a shambles literally no teachers they had year 6 pupils in charge of nursery kids. Luckily parents were there but I did wonder what would happen if someones parents weren't there. All they did was hit a ball with a bat throw a bean bag and walk across a tiny little course with a few boxes and planks. I wasted 3 hours of work to go to it too.

I laughed at this.

Last year I sat through one that afterwards parents, who apparently had watched it, were saying with apparent sincerity that they couldn't imagine that there was any difference in standard between that and when it was put on in the West End.

The only way I think anyone might thin that was if they'd watched "The Play that went wrong" and not realised it was a comedy.

I'm not sure what the highlight was for me: Perhaps the whole cast song which seemed to be sung as a competition between stage left and stage right as to who finished first with the least tune?

YANBU Our DD was in a year 6 musical. No idea whatsoever what the story was as neither the narrator nor anyone else spoke clearly (or slowly) enough to be understood and the sound system made it worse not better. Bless 'em all though - I realised that it's not only the talented kids that get leading roles - but it's partly to do with wanting to do it.

I'm glad it's not just me who hates these things. My youngest is so shy, he hates all these things. He was the camel in the nativity!

My eldest DS is in a class mainly made up of girls. At his class assembly this year, there was lots of singing and dancing. All the girls were at the front putting on the performance of their lives. DS and the rest of the boys were all stood awkwardly at the back. So painful.

Young Voices at the O2 was the low point for me. You can’t even see your child in amongst thousands of others, let alone hear them, and for that you fork out a small fortune for the ticket, the t-shirt (which will never be worn again), the CD (which will never be listened to again) and have to trundle all the way to London and back.

When the god-awful compere announced “and now something for the mums and dads” and tried to get the audience to sing along to Nineties tunes I just thought KILL ME NOW

It's the sports days in the guaranteed heatwaves that make me want to slit my throat!

Awww I love the school production!

But I could happily do without the 2 hour hell that is Sports Morning. The entire school split into teams and take part in a ‘carousel of activities’. Parents have to schlep around the field trailing after your DC’s team. It’s mind numbingly boring and usually unbearably hot.

It’s due to take place tomorrow but we’ve received official word that it may be cancelled due to rain. Please, please, please let it be so! ☔️ 🤞🏻 😑

I think schools should have tag-team tickets: see the bit with your child in and then pass the ticket to another parent waiting to see theirs!

I won't have to sit through one ever again - just endured my last one!