I know IABU but can I just say here....

[BadBadBadPerson]

(because I cannot say it anywhere else) - primary school plays can be utterly shite!

Just sat through two hours of too long Yr5/6 school production.

Each child is/was wonderful. And truly I think this - (used to volunteer there so I know a lot of them personally). And I know it is hard work to put on. Some spoke/sang/acted better than others. Everyone tried hard. It was a great team effort. Most smiled. They all had a lovely time. Etc etc. Yes. Agreed.

But OMFG as a whole event....urghhhhhh. Shite.

Not quite clear enough speaking by everyone to follow the play. Too long (12 scenes this delight had). Trying too hard to get every pun ever invented in. But puns only work if they are spoken clearly...otherwise they fall very, very flat. Trying to get every child on stage, even if just for one line. The hall wayyyy too hot. The sound effects tooo loud.

And then at the end everyone saying how wonderfully marvellous it was.

I know, I know I am a totally grumpy bitch.

Thank god this is DC3 and this is the last one I will ever, ever have to sit through. looks back resentfully at the 13 years of primary school plays I have smiling watched

Go ahead, tell me I am a total bitch...

Jesus Christ the year 6 production my DD was in last night got a fucking standing ovation!!!!

It was total shite!

Everyone was going on about what a talented bunch of young people they are and I just couldn’t work out if maybe they were seeing something I couldn’t, or maybe it was deliberate bullshit?! I don’t know, awful!

It did feel like a cash cow, yes. And you’ve just reminded me that I laboriously typed up dd’s masterpiece for my child in print, and I haven’t received the ‘book’ yet - better chase that sharpish.

6 kids! I did it 6 times lol. And you’re SO right.

Between the awful ‘orchestra’ and filing the kids on for their 3 words I just wonder how many hours of this hell I’ve done?

Then there’s the costumes! Mummmmmm. ‘I’m a star/reindeer/postcard (I kid you not) and all these kids overlap so I had to try to be creative.

Oh and the worst ever.... one of my boys didn’t want to perform so he was ‘backstage’ which meant filing into watch 90 minutes of hell for him to come out and bow at the end!

And don’t think it stops when they get to secondary. It really doesn’t. It’s all fresh hell though. Clubs, drama shows, award evening etc etc.

OMG, I cringed so much when I watch any of mine (probably because I was the female lead!)

OP, you are correct. most of the time, they are completely 💩. As for the puns they belong in a CBeebies show for 2 year olds! I remember I found them slightly cringey at 11, at 19 they would make my skin crawl off my own skeleton 🤦‍♀️

Having said that, it’s not really about the —poor sods— parents who have to sit though the —abomination— show, it’s all being done for the kids and as long as they’re having fun, then that’s all that should matter in my opinion.

So you know what, unpopular opinion but OP I believe that you ABU! ( although I will probably feel different once I have kids

Oh I did like our SEESMA productions. Local schools together in our local theatre. They were much more fun.

And I like Carol concerts, which one of new heads introduced in our final year.

You do know the parents who cry, are actually crying with relief that there will be no more! (Or that’s what I used to tell myself so I wouldn’t feel like an evil witch)

I watched ds2's last night.

I had wine (they were selling it there). I remembered the pain from last year (joint yr 5 and 6 production) and came prepared with cash.

The further down the glass I got, the funnier and better the performance got.

To be fair, some of it was truly funny. When I could hear it. Some of it was dire.

But the Leavers' Service at the church was awful Should've provided wine there too...

I agree, but having been the one trying to teach the little darlings their parts and making props and handling disgruntled parents because their child hasn't got the part the parent wanted, I beg you to please muster a smile as you pass the teacher. Last years KS1 Christmas production had me in tears multiple times, I ended up sewing costumes for children whose parents didn't sort anything (which was doubly annoying as it was last minute and my letter had said if you need help with a costume please contact me ASAP) I was screamed at by parent unhappy with the casting, I dropped the stage on my foot, twice, it was not fun, but worth it to see proud parent and create memories.

It's carol concerts I hate. For some reason the teacher in charge of music insists on teaching the children a load of tuneless dirges. If we're lucky we'll get "Away in a Manger" and "Good King Wenceslas" - never any other carol. It really sucks the joy out of the Christmas season.

My primary school plays weren't half bad. We would never have got away with mumbling (used to have a ton of dress
rehearsals leading up to it) and we were involved in making the scenery and pulling the curtains too. Also the parents made our costumes and made them for other children who’s parents weren’t able to.

Now even the standard of the kids shows my drama group put on have dropped. You are lucky to hear the ones with main parts and everyone else just mumbles and you can tell a lot of them don’t know the words to songs or haven’t learnt the scrip. They are performing to a fee paying audience so it would be interesting (or not) to see the plays the school will put on as we’re not at that stage yet.

Saying that it’s probably to do with funding and lack of time the teachers have compared to 20 years ago. Also lack of parent volunteers. I will try to help my child’s school but it’s difficult when most parents work full time now.

I take your recorder recitals and I raise you....endless stupid cup shuffling. Remember that, maybe 8 years ago? Moving cups around for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON? Child after bloody child. Even my soppy mother was ready to snap after sitting through that end of term bollocks.

Yabu i get they can be tedious but they and the teachers have worked hard. They are proud of themselves.
Plus if like to see you write and direct a play for up to 100 people giving everyone a part so their mum doesn't moan!

Plus our parents sat through our things. It's tradition!

Oh and i have 4 kids so i do feel your pain still

Oh PP 3 DC playing the violin - respect to you for your resilience. At least at concerts you have a seat. My real dislike was sports day!

Uniformly terrible. Apart from the bit where my brilliant DC are centre stage of course. Then they are OSCAR worthy.

I agree with you! My children's school is massive (90 children a year) so at ds leaving ceremony they had 90 children to try and give a speaking part to. While it was beautiful and moving I did get bored listening to them all if I'm honest.

@BadBadBadPerson

I've just survived through Cinderella Rockerfeller and the ofsted/census/grammar nazi and the bear was quite funny. Not as funny as the two sisters in drag however but more so because the two boys playing the parts were actually very good.

Largely though, it's unmitigated tedium in a hotter than hell hall.

It doesn't stop either, DD's university concert was pretty dire too - other people's children! Each parent sits through it to see their kids 5 mins of fame. She always closes it and opened the last 2 in addition so I can't sneak off at the interval even.

Hahaha I am loving this

When I had my first DC I asked my mum what she would have done differently with us her reply was;

‘Musical instruments, none of you are accomplished at any musical instruments, I had to beg you all to practise and the dreadful musical concerts I had to attend, if I had my chance again I wouldn’t bother’

Year 6 doing Grease mumbled American accents and totally inappropriate story.

This thread has made me even more grateful for DD's Y1 teacher whom I suspect did some proper theatre directing before becoming a teacher!

One hour max, no interval sounds about right.

Loved the story of the disaster pm performance with the missing baby Jesus .

Agree that secondary concerts are bearable. Enjoyable, even. DD joined the girls' choir and said she was performing at the music department's Christmas concert, I was filled with horror and ideas of screechy violins and out of tune droning but actually, it was very good! Super high standard from everyone and kids with a lot of musical ability.

Primary school shows are just urgh though when they get past the cute 5 year old angel picking their nose and fighting with the shepherds in the nativity stage.

I’ve just remembered the really horrific thing about the carol concert. The Calypso Carol. I hate it with a passion.

One year the screen showing the lyrics didn’t work so they just repeated the same bit over and over for 93 hours. I still wake up in a cold sweat even now! 😭😰

OP I hear you!! I look around the audience and think am I the only person who thinks this is shite! Love your post and YANBU

This thread is making me laugh!

We’ve had to watch some utter tripe over the years. The ‘recitals’ are the worst (even the word ‘recital’ makes me cringe - it’s a state primary with probably two or three kids with any talent for a musical instrument, for goodness sake; the rest of it is just the painful inflicting of screechy recorders and clanging triangles on knackered parents for two hours).

Headteacher at DDs primary is also a massive musical fan, so every year the school production is a full on singing and dancing affair with not a single child who can sing in tune. Over the years either DH or I have had to miss a production due to work and the other one has gone instead. We call it ‘dodging a bullet’ behind the DCs backs .