I know IABU but can I just say here....

[BadBadBadPerson]

(because I cannot say it anywhere else) - primary school plays can be utterly shite!

Just sat through two hours of too long Yr5/6 school production.

Each child is/was wonderful. And truly I think this - (used to volunteer there so I know a lot of them personally). And I know it is hard work to put on. Some spoke/sang/acted better than others. Everyone tried hard. It was a great team effort. Most smiled. They all had a lovely time. Etc etc. Yes. Agreed.

But OMFG as a whole event....urghhhhhh. Shite.

Not quite clear enough speaking by everyone to follow the play. Too long (12 scenes this delight had). Trying too hard to get every pun ever invented in. But puns only work if they are spoken clearly...otherwise they fall very, very flat. Trying to get every child on stage, even if just for one line. The hall wayyyy too hot. The sound effects tooo loud.

And then at the end everyone saying how wonderfully marvellous it was.

I know, I know I am a totally grumpy bitch.

Thank god this is DC3 and this is the last one I will ever, ever have to sit through. looks back resentfully at the 13 years of primary school plays I have smiling watched

Go ahead, tell me I am a total bitch...

They're always at least an hour too long. Teachers please take note, 45 minutes max would be perfect.

So true. Just awful. The school hall is a sauna, and it's always the same kids chosen for the "solos" and to make matters worse, they are almost all terrible. So I have to sit sweating through an hour and a half of my DC being second tree on the right while the chosen few whisper or dirge through their lines; and then I have to be nice to their parents about how talented their kids are before telling my kid that that was the most realistic tree I've ever seen. So good to know I'm not alone!

Haha, I feel your pain.
Unfortunately this years was so bad that when my 2 (who were both in it - we have a year 3/4 show as well as a year 5/6 show) asked me what I thought, I told them, without thinking, that I was glad it was over and wouldn't have to watch it again. It was awful - the whispering, the pauses as the mic is passed round between the 4 narrators where 1 whispers, 1 shouts, and the other 2 aren't clear due to mumbling and missing teeth. The terrible, terrible songs and random characters. The sinking feeling as when it finally finishes you realise you still have to clap for every child and teacher, then donate to the PTA as you leave. Then for the next day everyone posts videos and exclamations of how brilliant it was on the Facebook class group, so you do the obligatory 'like' on a couple so you don't look like a mean cow.
My 2 found it funny that I didn't like it, as they actually didn't enjoy being in it! I did tell them how wonderful they were though.

The years fly by but some of the hours, Jesus wept.

I hated every single school play I’ve ever been forced to watch
It’s the parents who just have to have the front row seats and sod everyone else
Then they start waving cameras/phones about so you can’t see jack shit
The ones that sit behind you having a gossip-loudly
Then the kids come on-and none of it makes any bloody sense
Your child always has a lower part (cos it’s the same two that get the main part year in year out)
The singing goes on fooorrreeevvveeerrr
And at the end the teachers have to go through the half hour of speeches and other crap
Years of my life I’ll never get back but I always sit with that fixed grin and gush how proud I am of them
My dad has the right idea-he refused to go to any-ours and his grandkids-I wish I had his guts

I see the progress made across the years and genuinely value the contribution of every single child. It may be the only chance that particular child ever has to learn an instrument/perform in public and that experience all contributes to being a well rounded person

Admit it, though @unicorncupcake - descant recorders are teachers' revenge on parents

Actually, when DS was 3 and at nursery, they did a nativity play. I recall the angel picking her nose all the way through; someone cried, someone shat...

I don't mind the school performances, I usually have a little tear watching them. It is the day long sports day in the heat with lots of waiting around I can't stand. I don't know why our school insists on having sports day all day rather than a couple of hours like most other schools.

I'm dreading this inevitability. Unless they're your own, and even then....children singing makes us all want to scream. An audience at any school play/performance are simply held hostage by their own manners. If the fire alarm went off, there would be an involuntary sigh of relief.

I like them. I cried during ds's leaver's show. The kids try so hard, except the ones who try to hide behind their friends (ds) and mouth the words rather than sing them.

I'm a soppy cow but I love them.

I’m with you! Have done a music assembly, end of year show and a play in the last 2 weeks. Sat running shopping lists, chores to do etc through my head for some of the time! Cannot wait for primary to be over!

My DS has started to learn the saxophone. His teacher said she was thrilled because he could play in the school concert. Just shoot me now....

We've just had the Year 6 leavers play, I think it's a commercial play that they spice up with plenty of local references. A couple of loud, talking and giggling women behind up not only spoiled it for the immediate audience but also were winding up their child on stage so that he couldn't deliver his lines without collapsing in giggles. Idiots, if you're on here I'm sure you know who you are!

To those of you saying you're glad you've seen your last one - just wait until you have grandchildren Mwah haha 😂

at all the hate for The Pirates of the Curry-bean - this ya actually the first Yr5-6 play in years that I enjoyed!

I see the progress made across the years and genuinely value the contribution of every single child.

This. ^^

The years fly by but some of the hours, Jesus wept.

But also this ^^

We are all excellent parents but horrible human beings!

Also feeling the pain of the Young Voices bring-binoculars-and-pray crowd.

Primary school music evening = tedious. 3 hours of kids playing multiple musical instruments with the odd amazing one. I swore i’d never go again. DD was in the choir at the end so I thought I’d sneak down for the last bit - it ran over by an hour! Poor KS1 kids were falling asleep in the stage!

I tend to really enjoy them! I just don't like when they mess with traditional stories! Last year it was aliens at the birth of Jesus. I'm not religious at all but that just felt wrong.

Agree. Our primary school seems to love two hour long plays. Painful.

Primary plays at our school used to be a bit pants, but in recent years they have gradually invested in proper clip on mics for the main characters and now moved to paying for a proper script for the Y5/6 production. It has made a huge difference and the children genuinely have a chance to shine.
DD's secondary school plays are amazing - I've sat through worse productions put on by actual theatre companies.

I'm a primary teacher and also a parent. I went to DD's show with my earplugs ready but was actually pleasantly surprised. The kids speaking could actually act and speak clearly, the costumes were great and came out of the show budget as we paid £5 a ticket, so no need to buy them. The children sang really well and I genuinely enjoyed it. Then the head rambled on for 30 minutes when we all wanted to go home, the little ones were exhausted so that tainted it slightly. But I was very impressed and I have high standards!

A few concerts have been OK @gotmychocolateimgood But for me, 2 out of 3 were a chore.

The few plays my DD were in were good, but the concerts (with 20-odd different 'acts') were dire.

I agree about many parents in the audience being assholes too! Hogging the front so you can barely see - OR - gasbagging behind you so you can't hear. AND when one of their brats comes on, they scream hysterically... CUMM ON CALLUMMMMM!' COME ON LADDDDD!'

Dds yr6 play was just over an hour long. It was pretty good actually but far too top heavy, especially one child. I’m sure the child will go far if they choose to but it shouldn’t have been all about them - something the teacher said made me think they chose the play for the child to play that role. Yet the role lent itself to being split between two people. It would actually be much fairer if the main parts were performed by a few people and scenes made to be stand alone.

You are not wrong; primary p;roductions are generally dreadful. Dreadful!

Secondary shows are so much better... hang in there.

@VenusClapTrap

Young Voices at the O2 was the low point for me. You can’t even see your child in amongst thousands of others, let alone hear them, and for that you fork out a small fortune for the ticket, the t-shirt (which will never be worn again), the CD (which will never be listened to again) and have to trundle all the way to London and back.

Sounds like someone is making some serious money from parents here. I mean, you can't NOT go really can you, if your child is in it?

Hmmm, this puts me in mind of that Godawful Young Writers 'your child in print' bullshit. Not sure if it is still a thing, but it was when my kids were at little school (noughties...) They got the child to write a poem or short story for a competition to get the story or poem into the 'Anthology.' 3-4 weeks or so later, they get a letter informing them of their SUCCESS. Their story will be printed.. Whoop whoop!

And you mommy and daddy, can get a copy of the anthology for just £17.99. And for an extra £20, you can get a further TWO books for both nannies and grandads!! Nearly £40 if you want them all.

Then a few weeks later, it turns out every single child who entered the competition, had a story or poem in there!

Obvious scam is obvious.