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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to speak to the school on the last day?

125 replies

The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 07:59

My yr6 DS - last day - today, has not been behaving himself at school recently. Low key but annoying, disruptive behaviour which the school have not spoken to me about at all.

Last week he was held back from a school picnic due to bad behaviour - again no notice to me.

This week missed class party because he disrupted a singing session - again no word to me from the school. Then the whole of the year, some 70 children were asked to write on a price of paper the name of the persons(s) being disruptive. This was rad out and four kids, including him missed their parties.

I’m not sure how I feel about the lack on contact from the school about his behaviour and the punishments which this year are fairly significant being that they are the ‘last.’

AIBU to ask to speak to the teacher on the last day of yr6?

Note: I am always very supportive of school action, especially when my children have been misbehaving.

OP posts:
covetingthepreciousthings · 18/07/2019 08:02

Last week he was held back from a school picnic due to bad behaviour - again no notice to me.

How did you hear about it? And why didn't you question the school at the time as to why they hadn't informed you about it.

DogsandBoysmeanMud · 18/07/2019 08:05

Welcome to senior school!! You won't hear anything next year.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 08:09

covetingthepreciousthings He told me about the picnic on Friday. I was surprised but fairly relaxed- as I said, always a supporter of teachers - I gave my son suitable advice as he was quite cagey about the reasons why. I must add that I work so no chance to catch teacher at pick up time.

OP posts:
LIZS · 18/07/2019 08:10

Many Year 6 kids get to a point where they outgrow primary and feel above the rules or get anxious about the transition to senior. There is no point school flagging it up at this late stage. If he had missed one activity why did you not address it then?

LIZS · 18/07/2019 08:11

Posts crossed, so he did not control himself after first time. He may find senior school discipline harsh unless he realises he will need to follow rules.

NailsNeedDoing · 18/07/2019 08:14

Are you sure you've had no notice? The behaviour was never mentioned at any parents evening or in any report?

Even if you didn't know that there was a threat to make him miss end of term treats, your son will have known and has chosen to behave badly anyway. It's probably a good lesson for him before he starts secondary.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 08:16

LIZS Yes, this was the main thrust of our convo. I have another child at the school otherwise wouldn’t bother. I’m concerned it wasn’t raised with me and not sure how I feel about asking the rest of the year to effectively vote on who is bad bit. I would have liked to have been more involved.

OP posts:
HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 18/07/2019 08:17

What did you want to say to the teachers? Was it to apologise on behalf of your son for disrupting what should have been an enjoyable last few days for all 70 children and their teachers? YABU, your son should do his own apologising in Y6.

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 18/07/2019 08:20

Year 6? No. Fuck them. Not being dismissive, but it is so fucking petty (of them, not you) He will have a new start in September, it may be the making of him.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 08:21

HobbyIsCodeForDogging Yes, apologise is one thing. Understanding fully what happened the other as DS is expectedly cagey. Request to be more involved should anything like this happen with my other child. Also, wanted to see what other OPs thought of the punishments, if they were proportionate. Not wishing to enable bad behaviour obviously.

OP posts:
IsobelRae23 · 18/07/2019 08:22

I’d be more concerned about the fact that out of 70 children, they all identified the same 4 as being the trouble makers, disrupting lessons etc. It’s shows their levels of behaviour for so many of them to notice.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 08:24

IsobelRae23 Agreed, Which is why I am surprised I haven’t been involved?!

OP posts:
ElliT · 18/07/2019 08:29

My son has a tendencie to be disruptive in lessons. I am aware of this and have regular meetings in school to discuss strategies for controlling his emotions. He was being particularly bad a few months ago so his teacher decided that the whole class were to discuss who is the most disruptive and how it makes them feel whilst he had to sit and listen. Basically listen to himself being slated by the whole class. I was furious at first because it's not nice to single a child out in that way. But in fairness it worked. Only for a short while because hes back at it now. It's hard for me to understand because at home he is so well behaved I cannot tell you. I hope it's a phase that will fizzle out. He is in y4 just to add

CountFosco · 18/07/2019 08:30

Talk to them and say you would like to be informed so you can back them up. Point out that many parents next year will feel the same. Y6 boys can be a fucking nightmare, I'd want to know if DS was one of them, dread them turning into those boys who assault girls in secondary school (might be biased because primary school is excellent whereas secondary is less so).

herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 08:34

Teachers are probably shattered, and just looking forward to the quiet. Yes, they might have contacted you, but focus on your son’s behaviour, not their failing here. You’re stuck with him, they are not.

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 18/07/2019 08:38

Maybe speak to them early in the new term and say that you want to avoid potential issues with your child still at the school and would be grateful for early communication should there be a problem in school.

NicciLovesSundays · 18/07/2019 08:41

Speak to the school, by the start of the next term they might not remember what you are talking about and its important you understand what has gone on.

herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 08:43

I don’t really understand how you know it’s “low key” if they haven’t spoken to you about it.

namechangeninjaevervigilant · 18/07/2019 09:00

I think you’d be mad to say anything today. If it’s anything like any school I’ve ever worked at they will nod politely, smile, pay lip service to whatever you say and then forget it as soon as you leave to enjoy the staff party.

Leave it until next term. If it still seems important that will be the time to raise it when everyone is fresh and full of energy for the new school year.

MT2017 · 18/07/2019 09:08

I think you’d be mad to say anything today. If it’s anything like any school I’ve ever worked at they will nod politely, smile, pay lip service to whatever you say and then forget it as soon as you leave to enjoy the staff party.

^^ absolutely this!

Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 09:10

herculepoirot2 by low-key I meant anything he’s previously done at school I.e. told off for talking too much.

As for being ‘stuck’ with him - I most certainly am not. I love him and proud of him in lots of ways. Feel sorry for your children if you feel stuck with them. Have you spoken to anyone about this?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 18/07/2019 09:11

OP

I don't like the listing of names at all - sounds very mean and humiliating.

If it was at a level that needed a public outing🙄 I definitely think a phone call from the school was warranted.

I would want to know what has been going on, last day or not.

Also I would be reading the riot act to my son if the feedback is, he was being very disruptive.
I wouldn't put up with him being a disruptive child in school in any way.

I would be giving some consequences if you get an awful report.

I would not want him thinking he can behave like this going forward.

Strange the school thinks public humiliation is the way to go having not been in contact at all with the parents.

Either way I'd want to know exactly what has been going on.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 09:13

namechangeninjaevervigilant
MT2017
Foxyloxyplus1
NicciLovesSundays

Thank you all - and others for taking time to reply. It’s good advice to avoid the last day of term - agreed!

OP posts:
Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 09:16

billy1966 thank you. Final report was fine. Very average I would say, hitting targets and one more. The criticism is always “clever, bright, confident but needs to focus more.”
He’s had the riot act and more...

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 09:21

Feel sorry for your children if you feel stuck with them. Have you spoken to anyone about this?

Well. That was defensive. 😂

Seriously, OP, no, I don’t feel stuck with my child. But I am stuck with her. And if she can’t behave in Y7, she is stuck with that. So I am responsible.

You have a child who at 11 years old, cannot behave in class or avoid disrupting the learning of others. That’s the issue here. Not his poor teachers, who I assume have been trying to correct his disruptive behaviour for a while.

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