AIBU to speak to the school on the last day?

[The2Ateam]

My yr6 DS - last day - today, has not been behaving himself at school recently. Low key but annoying, disruptive behaviour which the school have not spoken to me about at all.

Last week he was held back from a school picnic due to bad behaviour - again no notice to me.

This week missed class party because he disrupted a singing session - again no word to me from the school. Then the whole of the year, some 70 children were asked to write on a price of paper the name of the persons(s) being disruptive. This was rad out and four kids, including him missed their parties.

I’m not sure how I feel about the lack on contact from the school about his behaviour and the punishments which this year are fairly significant being that they are the ‘last.’

AIBU to ask to speak to the teacher on the last day of yr6?

Note: I am always very supportive of school action, especially when my children have been misbehaving.

decide a public shaming is their first port of call to deal with it.

It isn’t the first port of call. The OP said this is a recent thing, but it is several incidents. And in his report it says he is bright but needs to focus more. Anyone who has ever seen a primary school report knows exactly what that means.

And in his report it says he is bright but needs to focus more. Anyone who has ever seen a primary school report knows exactly what that means.

So what on earth is wrong with primary teachers that they can write 'needs to focus more' rather than 'is disruptive in class'? Why the need for such opaque euphemism? And if they're going to be so mealy mouthed, how can they expect parents to sit back and accept things when they go for the nuclear option of public humiliation!?

Medievalist

A teacher would never be allowed to put the word “disruptive” in a child’s report. Can you imagine the parents?

Personally I think that is insane, and if I were ever a HT I would make a point of using language that accurately describes its object: “X has a tendency to/is known to/often disrupts the learning of others around him.” What is wrong with that? Nothing. What would happen? Parents would go batshit crazy.

I think the public naming and shaming was a bit(really!) brutal, but if better handled, the realisation that the rest of the class do not find him entertaining can be an eye-opener.
I have seen a "Jack the Lad" type completely gobsmacked by one of his peers, when being ticked off for wallying about; it was part of the rules of "the game", with cross teacher being part of the fun, convinced that his mates though him no end of a card. When one of his peers just said "Jack, will you just shut up and let us get on with our work?", and the rest of the class muttered in agreement, he looked so gutted, I (almost) felt sorry for him. He was then more amenable to a private chat about tiresome behaviour interfering with the learning of other boys. In that case, a bit of a smokescreen, as the work was giving him pause for thought, and finding a playmate seemed a better option than making a bit more effort.
Are you sure that messages have been getting home? One particularly devious little treasure intercepted his detention slip, and dashed out of the end of said detention to douse his head under the drinking fountain, as he would have been collected late anyway after after-school swimming club, forgetting that the lack of chlorine smell, and dry towel and costume, gave the game away.
Another well-organised sinner had two home-school contact books on the go, having "lost" the first one and obtained another on from the school secretary. When uncomplimentary staff remarks appeared on the page requiring parental signature, he would swap notebooks. You've probably heard the saying, "If they had brains, they'd be dangerous!"
When you have duly read the Riot Act, try to get to the bottom of it: avoiding work he can't manage, and not wanting to lose face? Keen to improve social status? Worried about being at the "bottom of the heap" at his new school?
It's probably not going to help much if you contact at the end of term, but if you go in after the holidays and emphasise that you don't want younger DC to fall into the same trap, it would probably help.

I think the public naming and shaming was a bit(really!) brutal, but if better handled, the realisation that the rest of the class do not find him entertaining can be an eye-opener.

Imagine the same scenario in the work place, your colleagues vote to say who is more annoying, you loose, you are the annoying one. I bet that you would give a fuck about it being an eye opener, you will be feeling upset, confused and heartbroken.

This is unlikely to get you to think about your behaviour and correct it, it would probably sink you and make you feel miserable until you find another job. But hey ho, it is ok to do the same to a kid! No wonder he is misbehaving!

Imagine the same scenario in the work place, your colleagues vote to say who is more annoying, you loose, you are the annoying one. I bet that you would give a fuck about it being an eye opener, you will be feeling upset, confused and heartbroken.

The analogy isn’t people who are annoying in the workplace; it is people who flout policies.

hercule do you do this at your school? There should be no place for 'showmanship' that isolates children and is open to abuse especially when it exists alongside a discipline policy that escalates without involving parents. It's a poor 'show' on the part of the school and thank goodness most schools recognise it as that.

LillithsFamiliar

I’m a SAHM. But I have on occasion used a similar strategy: “Who thinks Bob deserves to go to break?”

Look, I don’t give a monkey’s if a kid doesn’t like it. They shouldn’t be disrupting the lesson. No sympathy whatsoever.

There should be no place for 'showmanship' that isolates children and is open to abuse especially when it exists alongside a discipline policy that escalates without involving parents

Totally agree.

And I will say why I have no sympathy. These children are the children who decide that their voices should be the only ones heard. These children are the ones who prevent their peers from learning, and often mock their desire to learn. These children are the ones who are disrespectful to staff. These children are - very often - the ones with parents who have simply failed to instil respect for education and for others.

And then you get the “You humiliated my child” brigade defending them.

The closer word is probably “embarrassed”. And good.

Honestly I think a teacher is eminently poor if they discipline by embarrassment.

JacquesHammer

And I don’t care what you think. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But nor do I agree with you.

But nor do I agree with you

See. It’s ok. That’s called being grown ups.

And these children may have a poor home life / are acting out some trauma but let’s not let anything like that get in the way of proving a point.

TeddybearBaby

Nothing to do with proving a point. Dealing with their behaviour. Giving them a chance to overcome that poor start in life by understanding that they go to school to learn, and so does everyone else.

And of course, there are plenty of children with poor home lives and past trauma sitting there being robbed of their education by children who have stable, affluent home lives, and who are just spoiled rotten and think everyone wants to hear from them, all the time. They don’t.

Sounds like he needs to learn to behave himself

It's such a shame that the two issues are being conflated when in fact they are very seperate.

Under any circumstances I would not support a child being disruptive and interfering in a teacher's ability to teach, and a students ability to hear and learn.

I also very definitely support schools that have a very low tolerance of bad behaviour.

But for the school to use public embarrassment as their discipline of choice is not acceptable.

Discipline does not have to equal mortification.

Discipline is about stating what is and isn't acceptable.
It's about boundaries and consequences.
It's about being consistent and fair.

It is not about gathering children together and mortifying a few of them for their bad behaviour.

If that tactic was used to establish the biggest dicks in a place of employment, there would most definitely be grounds for a bullying complaint.

Of the dozens of teachers I have met in the excellent schools my children have attended, I can't think of one that would employ such a lazy method of discipline. The have all been far to professional to do so.

It's about boundaries and consequences.
It's about being consistent and fair.

And I would totally agree with this, if teachers were given the tools and support to do it. All too often, they’re not. A teacher will call home (tick - professional), and say what behaviour they are calling about (tick - professional) and say what consequence will be given (tick - professional).

The parent will say something like, “What are you telling me for? At school he’s your problem, isn’t he? And feel free to give him detention, but in school time, and he can’t miss his break.”

OR

“But how do you know my son/daughter was involved? He/she says you’re picking on him/her. Do you have statements from the rest of the class to back that up?” (Because, of course, it’s always okay to involve the rest of the class when you think they will back up the child, not the teacher).

OR

“I’ve spoken to my child and already called the Head. We’ve agreed that it’s a clash of personalities and there will be a change to the other class.”

And so on.

Teachers resort to more informal methods of discipline because the systems that make sense aren’t working.

herculepoirot2

Why are you so invested/taking this post so personally?

I’m sorry to disappoint you but my son is none of the things you describe.

My husband and I are not the parents you described, nor have we failed as you describe.

Sorry to disappoint again but my issue is not that my child was humiliated or embarrassed but a question as to the teaching tactic used. I am grateful for the opinions I have been given and the advice.

Sorry again but I am not looking to defend my child’s behaviour or contradict the school. And again, my son has been read the riot act and much more.

Sometimes the actions taken by teachers are wrong, not often but in this case not flagging up issues earlier so we could work together is one of them

Is that ok? You can take a break now, you must be quite tired.

N ot read all the posts.

I think if it's really bothering you,and it sounds like it is, it certainly wouldn't hurt.

Don't expect them to give any craps though! You're son "isn't th ei problem anymore". I imagine that's why they haven't bothered in the recent weeks; no point, not much can be achieved now anyway.

Of course you ha ve the right to know, and i think its good that you're concerned about your kids behaviour (some would probably blank the negative stuff and treat it as a "phew! Got out of that one" in terms of teCher speaking t o them etc).

🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t know what to say to you there, OP. It’s a public forum. It’s an interesting discussion. I’ll post as long as I wish.

And I suppose I just wonder why, if you and your husband are dealing with this effectively, it hasn’t stopped.

I don’t know what to say to you there, OP. It’s a public forum. It’s an interesting discussion. I’ll post as long as I wish.

It was an interesting discussion Herculepoirot2 but you've kinda spoilt it now 🤷‍♀️