Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to speak to the school on the last day?

125 replies

The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 07:59

My yr6 DS - last day - today, has not been behaving himself at school recently. Low key but annoying, disruptive behaviour which the school have not spoken to me about at all.

Last week he was held back from a school picnic due to bad behaviour - again no notice to me.

This week missed class party because he disrupted a singing session - again no word to me from the school. Then the whole of the year, some 70 children were asked to write on a price of paper the name of the persons(s) being disruptive. This was rad out and four kids, including him missed their parties.

I’m not sure how I feel about the lack on contact from the school about his behaviour and the punishments which this year are fairly significant being that they are the ‘last.’

AIBU to ask to speak to the teacher on the last day of yr6?

Note: I am always very supportive of school action, especially when my children have been misbehaving.

OP posts:
presumedinnocence · 18/07/2019 09:22

Disruptive children can really spoil things for others, it's good that he has been sanctioned like this. I wouldn't expect to be informed at the end of year 6 at a state school, but things would be handled very differently at a prep school...

herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 09:23

And I think getting the other students to vote is spot on.

CellularBlanket · 18/07/2019 09:28

If the whole year group felt that your son was disruptive that should be a very good lesson for him. Kids often think it is "them" against the school. It can be quite a shock when they realise that being disruptive actually makes them pretty unpopular with a lot of people that they might otherwise want to be friends with.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 09:32

CellularBlanket I do actually agree with you. The issue for me is a) it was an over reaction to a one-off incident or ongoing issues that I feel should have been flagged to me to deal with.

OP posts:
greenlynx · 18/07/2019 09:39

I’m not sure about this writing names bit, but I would like to know more about what’s happened so I would ask his teacher even on the last day. I would be concerned was it a show off, tiredness or following the wrong crowd. It’s good to know to avoid problems at high school.

BarbariansMum · 18/07/2019 09:43

I dont understand why they needed 70 children to teach them who was being disruptive. Surely the teachers would know? Or was this vote related to one incident?

I think you should go in and find out what's been going on so you can talk to your son about it properly.

VenusTiger · 18/07/2019 09:46

Asking 70 kids to write a naughty list is giving them too much authority over one another imo. They are not and should not feel as though they are the teacher. I disagree with this idea completely.

Maybe after the first denial of treat, your DS became defensive and didn’t want to go to any of the other parties/picnics. I can’t say I blame him when 60 odd kids in his year are writing his name on a list! It became self fulfilling.... what a stupid idea of the school! He probably didn’t feel like spending time with them after that!

herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 09:47

I dont understand why they needed 70 children to teach them who was being disruptive.

They probably know who is causing the issues. Asking the other students brings home the message of responsibility to the group, that you do not actually have the right to take time from other people, and that they have every right to call you out on it.

TanMateix · 18/07/2019 09:47

I would talk to them not seeking an apology or an explanation but to ask them if there is something specific about your child’s behaviour you need to be aware before he leaves. As somebody said upthread, you will hear nothing once he is secondary school so it is easier to get some insight from his group teacher now rather than trying to put the puzzle together from the view of multiple teachers at a time you are only offered the opportunity to talk to them ONCE a year.

TanMateix · 18/07/2019 09:49

By the way, asking the children to nominate who is behaving badly is WAY out of order! Nice lovely bullying opportunity there, can’t believe the teachers need the opinion of young pupils to point out who the problematic are.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/07/2019 09:56

I dont understand why they needed 70 children to teach them who was being disruptive.

Agree it's a bit of an odd way to do this. Maybe they were hoping a bit of peer pressure might help them to recognise that their actions are annoying their classmates?

OP, have you asked your son why he behaves like this?

Annasgirl · 18/07/2019 09:56

Hi OP, I'm in Ireland so not sure how your system works but I think your DS will be moving on in September? Will he be going to a completely different school or will it be the senior part of this school?

My DS was often in trouble at school at 11, we had lots of conversations with teachers and head teacher to no avail. We moved his school for another reason last year and the difference has been immense, our child is happy and a model student. Sometimes it is that the school does not suit the child and unfortunately we are not always all. in a position to change this. I have 2 other DC who never had an issue at the school and they went / will go through the full time. But for DS the move was a complete new start - I hope this happens for your son too.

And honestly, if he is leaving, I would just leave it and move on with my life - we never got to the bottom of the bullying of my DS but thankfully it all turned around.

JacquesHammer · 18/07/2019 09:58

I dont understand why they needed 70 children to teach them who was being disruptive. Surely the teachers would know? Or was this vote related to one incident?

I think that's a very odd method of trying to force discipline.

OP - I would go and speak to them if only to understand in what ways he is misbehaving so he works on it.

As an aside is it really the norm that you don't hear your child's progress when they're at secondary? Any positive behaviour points achieved and discipline marks if they get any are uploaded onto the school system so we can see them.

dimples76 · 18/07/2019 10:00

I think that getting the other children to write down the names and the reading them out is an appalling, shaming approach. What kind of values is that promoting? I imagine at least one of the other 4 has SEN. I would be fuming if my SEN child was subjected to that kind of treatment (and not happy about them participating in the vote).

It's a pity that school has not communicated better with you. I imagine that it was a few low level incidents and that by the time they would normally have called a parent in, it was the end of term.

herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 10:00

As an aside is it really the norm that you don't hear your child's progress when they're at secondary

No. There is more likely to be regular contact from different subject teachers.

JacquesHammer · 18/07/2019 10:03

No. There is more likely to be regular contact from different subject teachers

In terms of behaviour though? In response to a PP who said "you won't hear anything".

We have the online system together with email addresses for all teachers.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 18/07/2019 10:10

Some children think being disruptive is cool and showing off to others earns them respect. Having it pointed out by their peers that they see the behaviour as being annoying and irritating and that no one finds it funny or supports them can be an eye opener.

I think it is worthwhile speaking to the school, finding out exactly what went on and perhaps issuing your own supportive punishment if needed.

It might be just end of the year over excitement but it also might be the early warning signs of a real problem developing in secondary school.

Schools like to end things on a good note. It may be less hassle for them to not say anything to you but I think you need the feedback from them.

JemSynergy · 18/07/2019 10:11

I wouldn't bother to approach the teacher about it now, I would consider if it was year 5. However, our school usually sends out a survey at the end of the term so I would comment on the survey about it as the head teacher reads the comments. I don't believe in public shaming but if my child was being disruptive in class I'd want to know about it because it is just isn't fair on the teacher or the class and this is something I'd add on my survey comments.

Original poster
The2Ateam · 18/07/2019 10:11

I have always felt the communication to and from the school is appalling to be honest. As a working parent, I have always felt very excluded. There are no electronic ways of communicating with them at all, cash payments for everything etc. Otherwise a fairly typical inner London school - ofsted outstanding.

My DS was hugely exciting for the pinic and that party, bringing in food etc. I must also add that he will be missing from some of a film they have made for their end of yr6 assembly with parents as some of it was filmed at the two said events. So, hence why I am questioning the proportionality of the punishments v the behaviour, which I am not clear on.

And yes, he starts secondary in september.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 18/07/2019 10:35

Teachers are usually very clear in their behaviour expectations and will have warned him that if cannot be trusted to behave, he cannot go on the picnic. This decision was his really as he did not change his behaviour.

presumedinnocence · 18/07/2019 10:40

To be honest, it sounds to me like you are looking for someone else to blame

PuppyMonkey · 18/07/2019 10:41

Blimey, asking the year group to "write down the names" of the disruptive children. All sounds a bit Jane Eyre to me. Confused

herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 10:45

So, hence why I am questioning the proportionality of the punishments v the behaviour, which I am not clear on.

They sound fair to me. Have you asked him whether he was warned? How he responded to being warned? Why he was talking persistently?

LadyRannaldini · 18/07/2019 10:45

I don't like the listing of names at all - sounds very mean and humiliating.

Having a secret ballot to find out who's the culprit works well because it allows the naming of that person without fear of retribution, it works very well. If they don't like being identified as a disruptive influence who is preventing others from learning then they are old enough to know the solution, behave yourself.
Parents on thiis site are quick to minimise their child's behaviour but tend not to like it being addressed.

herculepoirot2 · 18/07/2019 10:52

All sounds a bit Jane Eyre to me.

I’m sure in Jane Eyre they punish behaviour that isn’t actually bad, and they starve and beat the kids. 🧐