AIBU to speak to the school on the last day?

[The2Ateam]

My yr6 DS - last day - today, has not been behaving himself at school recently. Low key but annoying, disruptive behaviour which the school have not spoken to me about at all.

Last week he was held back from a school picnic due to bad behaviour - again no notice to me.

This week missed class party because he disrupted a singing session - again no word to me from the school. Then the whole of the year, some 70 children were asked to write on a price of paper the name of the persons(s) being disruptive. This was rad out and four kids, including him missed their parties.

I’m not sure how I feel about the lack on contact from the school about his behaviour and the punishments which this year are fairly significant being that they are the ‘last.’

AIBU to ask to speak to the teacher on the last day of yr6?

Note: I am always very supportive of school action, especially when my children have been misbehaving.

It was an interesting discussion Herculepoirot2 but you've kinda spoilt it now 🤷‍♀️

I’m still finding it interesting. Sorry that isn’t the case for you. Not sure what I actually did to “spoil it” other than go against the prevailing viewpoint?

I would imagine the threat of not going to the picnic/end of year party was made at some point to get your ds to behave. It would appear that he continued with his bad behaviour despite this.

I don't see any problem with him missing out on the fun. I'd bet most of his classmates were glad he wasn't included as well. Hopefully he'll stop acting like an idiot.

I'd be embarrassed that he doesn't seem to be learning from his mistakes.

Why are you so invested/taking this post so personally?

hercule is no more invested than anyone else replying to this thread and she is in fairness responding to posters directing at her, specifically.

I’m sorry to disappoint you but my son is none of the things you describe.

That you know of, in school
You openly state that you haven’t heard this from school’s point of view yet, so with all due respect, he could be.

YouTheCat No warning. I made him packed lunch for the pinic. Also, please do not insinuate my 11yr old son is an idiot.

Also, please do not insinuate my 11yr old son is an idiot.

She wasn’t. She wrote acting like an idiot. Which, according to your OP, he has been. I am beginning to see why the teacher has been reluctant to contact you in the final weeks.

I think the OP would be right to raise it. The school picnic would be a huge thing for an 11 year old and excluding him on the say so of other children (assuming this is what happened) and without any discussion with me would make me feel very uncomfortable as a parent.

I appreciate that children can be badly behaved and that this child probably was. But, if teachers want to ban a child from a big event like this, they need to own and be able to substantiate that decision. They also need to show that they have followed due process as per the school's behaviour policy. I can't believe that random children writing down the names of naughty children on a single day amounts to this.

If my child was named in a public poll of who was the most disruptive child in the year,

I don't think this is what happened. The children weren't asked to vote on who are generally the most disruptive. They were asked to write down the name of who they saw being disruptive in that singing lesson.

It wasn't really a vote.
It was just writing down an observation from that lesson

It wasn't really a vote.
It was just writing down an observation from that lesson

Yes, like taking statements from pupils who were there, as part of the ‘investigation’. OP may be getting a version of what actually happened. I don’t think the OP is being unreasonable to ask about this for clarification but it does sound like the consequences are fair if so.

I appreciate that children can be badly behaved and that this child probably was. But, if teachers want to ban a child from a big event like this, they need to own and be able to substantiate that decision.

THIS. How likely do you think a bunch of 11-yos are to make an accurate assessment of this? How likely are they to include their own best mate? Or the alpha girl or boy in the class? And how much are they going to be concentrating themselves if they are spending the lesson craning their neck to see how their peers are behaving?

I'm wondering whether you should speak to the school to say you were supportive of their actions, but would have liked to know, as you could have reinforced the message.

How likely do you think a bunch of 11-yos are to make an accurate assessment of this? How likely are they to include their own best mate? Or the alpha girl or boy in the class? And how much are they going to be concentrating themselves if they are spending the lesson craning their neck to see how their peers are behaving?

If you ask sixty people who was misbehaving, and the same four names - names you are expecting - come up again and again, it’s a pretty safe bet you have the right people. Teachers aren’t generally that daft that they’re going to punish a child who they could see with their own eyes was behaving.

Ah well, imagine what fun he’ll have as a teenager, and what jolly japes he’ll get up to. Bless his little heart.
I wonder what his behavioural choices will be as he gets older. It’s always interesting to see what becomes of the children I’ve taught, a decade or so later.

I wouldn't speak to them. It won't achieve anything - it will probably make you feel quite a lot worse rather than better. Some harsh comments about the child's behaviour - maybe he's finding the upcoming transition difficult to deal with. Let it go and let him have a nice summer.

Something seems off to me in the version of events.
Based on my experience, I could see a situation where following an incident of disruption, pupils were asked to write down who was responsible.

I can't see a situation where a poll is done asking who the most disruptive children in the class are so we can ban them from an event just because the school feel like not having 4 kids in.

All things considered it sounds like in the final weeks of term (which is usually after the reports have gone out), some students have been disruptive, have had to be challenged on their behaviour repeatedly and as a result of their behaviour they lost the privilege of some of the treats. I don't see an issue with that.

I'd personally have called home if the decision was made the day before or earlier but if the decision was made morning of then it is reasonable of school to decide they aren't willing to have a child in a treat activity who has willingly chosen to disrupt lessons.

Yes, it might have been worth asking for the teacher's version of what happened with the "70 kids naming disruptive students" as it sounds odd. I guess he's left the school now though.

hercule you seem (deliberately) to be missing the point. This isn't about the DC being upset. It's about the school admitting they can't monitor a class properly and that they will act on anonymous votes without any corresponding evidence and without the need to discuss/involve parents. It's lazy. It goes against best practice. It hampers relationships within the school and it doesn't improve children's behaviour.
It's not collecting bystander statements (which is an acceptable policy) as the DCs did not have to justify, explain or even take ownership of why they put a name on a bit of paper. Although your posts do make me wonder if someone on the school management team has also completely misunderstood the theory behind bystander statements.

It's about the school admitting they can't monitor a class properly and that they will act on anonymous votes without any corresponding evidence and without the need to discuss/involve parents. It's lazy. It goes against best practice. It hampers relationships within the school and it doesn't improve children's behaviour.

Rather than me missing the point, you appear to have made up the point. The OP hasn’t spoken to the school. We have no idea what corroborating evidence the school has (and, rather than talk about “evidence” - this isn’t a trial - I would prefer just to say “what the teacher saw”). Nobody has admitted not watching the class.

@LillithsFamiliar
It's about the school admitting they can't monitor a class properly and that they will act on anonymous votes without any corresponding evidence

No, it's not. I agree with @herculepoirot2. You seem to have made up "the point" here.

I didn't call your ds an idiot. I said he was acting like one. I reckon he'd had plenty of warnings that day and had carried on regardless hence missing the picnic.

I appreciate that most year 6s are a bit giddy at this time of year but it seems his classmates had had enough of him and his friends too.

To be honest, at this stage of year 6 the only consequence some of them will listen to is missing end of term events. However, they definitely should inform you of such a consequence is put in place.

There’s not much point sadly
That’s said i reported some nasty bullying in the last week .
Onwards and upwards

OP is the school trying to use restorative practice? This reads like a very ill judged attempt. There has been a massive push in the city I work in across all areas for years (including bin men)! Used proprely it can work very well but most people cannot use it properly and it is not always appropriate.

Hobby I disagree. Everyone who has questioned the school's policy has also criticised the DC's behaviour. No-one has criticised the policy because it's upset the child. It was a false equivalence.
will yy it seems as though the school haven't really understood the principles of it at all. Their approach is a complete hash of a variety of best practice guidelines.

@LillithsFamiliar I think we're talking about different things because that makes no sense in reference to anything I've said

On the subject of your child missing the school picnic and you not being informed.

I used to work in secondary schools and it was our standard practice to inform pupils and parents that any child whose behaviour was poor would miss significant events such as trips and the end of Y11 prom.

Inevitably, when we used this sanction (and we had to do it every year, to more than one pupil), parents would come into school and harangue whoever they could get hold of (most wanted me when I was the head, but usually it was the head of year who copped it), alternately shouting, begging, pleading, abusing, etc.

Pupils not allowed to do the trips were always suitably cared for and occupied in school, though most parents in such cases gave the child the day off by keeping them at home.

I offer this only to illustrate what happens in schools when parents are told such sanctions are being applied.