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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you think of drug use once somebody is a parent?

106 replies

Jessy111 · 17/07/2019 00:44

It's none of my business I know, but I'm interested in opinions.

A mum of two young children, aged around 6 and 18 months, has been 'recreationally' taking crack cocaine every so often to get high with another friend when the children are being looked after by either family or friends babysitting. I couldn't tell you whether she does it when the children are home but I would hope not.

During the week she works full time and appears to be a totally normal parent, the children appear clean and well cared for and she certainly doesn't 'look' or behave like a drug addict so unless you knew she was doing it you would never have guessed.

My opinion is that it's selfish, dangerous and irresponsible and if she isn't addicted now then she soon will be - I can't get to grips with how a mother of young children with a seemingly normal life and things going for her could be so irresponsible in her role as a parent.

I've also in the past known of other parents who 'recreationally' take drugs on nights out or gatherings in friends houses, taking cocaine and similar stimulants.

I'm from a place where this is sadly the norm in the circles I grew up in, but am fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to move away and am fortunately no longer surrounded by people who think this type of behaviour is acceptable when you have children.

I'm very much live and let live in regards to recreational drug use that doesn't affect me personally but surely the line has to be drawn once you become a parent?

AIBU to think you shouldn't be doing drugs whatsoever when you become a parent? Do you think 'recreational' use is fine so long as the children aren't exposed to it?

OP posts:
fairynick · 17/07/2019 00:47

If the parent is able to just use of a weekend when kids aren’t around without ending up dependent, then surely it’s the same as going out and getting pissed which nobody would bat an eyelid?
I get that it’s just NOT the same, but I don’t see the difference really. Both very dangerous drugs that are addictive and can destroy people’s health and lives, but one is acceptable and one not.
I think it’s a really interesting debate too haha

Original poster
Jessy111 · 17/07/2019 00:54

FWIW in my late teens way before children I quite enjoyed dabbling in ecstasy, I had a few experiences with magic mushrooms and tried cocaine myself more than once.

By 20 it wasn't my cup of tea anymore, but I'm not a hypocrite that thinks badly of people with no responsibilities who do still enjoy that type of lifestyle, it's just continuing it once children come on the scene that doesn't sit right with me at all.

I think I'm ultra aware of how dangerous it is and aside addiction there's always the potential for overdose. I couldn't bring myself to take any of those risks if I have children dependent on me.

OP posts:
EarlyModernParent · 17/07/2019 01:06

Overdose, the sourcing of it bringing you into contact with dangerous people, risk of being attacked when high (crack is especially dangerous when you binge it) or going nuts yourself, risk of heart attack. And the come down is awful, and presumably this happens when the kids are back home so there is very possibility she is snappy angry Mum for a day or more. Not good at all.

AquaPris · 17/07/2019 01:08

I mean... this isn't a joint on a weekend away, it's CRACK. No one does crack recreationally - it's a life destroying drug.

Do you mean powder cocaine? Or do you really mean CRACK?!?

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 17/07/2019 01:29

Actually smoking crack?

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 17/07/2019 01:30

Smoking crack isn't a cheeky joint or a few beers

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 17/07/2019 01:34

If this was my friend id definitely have a word with her and see if she needs some support in not smoking crack...

HellYeah90s · 17/07/2019 01:45

Crack?! Its one thing taking drugs when you are childless, that's your choice and you can live with consequences.

But it is utterly selfish with children, even weed would be stupid, never mind crack cocaine!

HelenaDove · 17/07/2019 02:06

Wonder how much recreational drug use costs the NHS.

EmeraldShamrock · 17/07/2019 02:08

If whe is smoking crack recreational, she won't be for long, she'll be begging outside the supermarket, selling every she and the DC own.
I done plenty of drugs from weed ecstasy cocaine pre children, I would never risk my DC now, even then when I didn't care about myself I would never touch heroin or crack.
It is not a sneaky joint, it causes normal people to rot to the core, I'd keep a very close eye and wouldn't hesitate to report if I noticed changes around the DC.
The road from occasionally crack uee to full on sell your child addiction has a short path.

MiniMum97 · 17/07/2019 02:09

I think there is a big difference between doing crack cocaine and most other drugs and alcohol because it's so addictive. I would be concerned about anyone trying to do that recreationally. I am not sure that is possible in the longer term. Sure she's not just doing cocaine, rather than crack cocaine?

Putting that to one side I don't have any issue at all with parents using drugs recreationally, in the same way that I don't have any issue with parents drinking recreationally.

I also feel very strongly that parents don't have to stop being their own person, just because they have children. I also am in the camp that believes that children don't always "come first". I think everyone in the family is important and different individuals may "come first" in different situations. Children are not the centre of the universe and I think it's unhealthy to bring them up to think that.

All these things are connected in my mind. Why should a parent give up something they enjoy in their own time to wind down, enjoy themselves and/or relax just because they now have a child.

Durgasarrow · 17/07/2019 02:20

I think it's terrible.

EmperorBallpitine · 17/07/2019 02:22

I think there's a big gap between occasionally putting yourself first, and going off taking dangerous drugs. Its irresponsible and selfish. Your child relies on you and it would ruin their life if you became seriously addicted or died.

avamiah · 17/07/2019 02:45

EmeraldShamrock,
I totally agree with you .
Yes crack cocaine is a very serious addiction and you become very addicted very quickly to the point that all you think about is getting the money together for your next high and meeting a dealer .
People lose their families, home ,job and self respect very quickly if they do not get into rehab.

TwistyTop · 17/07/2019 02:51

Smoking crack is pretty absurd. It's so addictive. I'm very surprised by this. She's playing with fire here.

But recreational drug use in general? I see it as not much different to alcohol. If someone smokes weed or uses MDMA during a weekend when they don't have the children (say, at a festival) then that's probably not going to cause any additional problems further than drinking lots of alcohol would.

Personally I wouldn't use anything stronger than marijuana in that situation, because I'd be concerned that something would happen and I'd need to get back for my kids and be fully alert, but then again I wouldn't get legless drunk in that situation for the same reason. If someone chose to get really pissed or take drugs then I would think it a bit irresponsible, but not the massive deal that some people make it out to be.

HelenaDove · 17/07/2019 02:57

Ive never touched drugs Its never interested me. Ditto booze.

There is a hell of a lot of hypocrisy on this site though Compare this thread with the recent obesity one. I thought it only fair to ask the same question that gets asked on there.

HelenaDove · 17/07/2019 02:59

See ive never been drunk. But i dont feel superior to someone who has.

avamiah · 17/07/2019 03:12

HelenaDove,
What are you actually talking about?
What’s your Point ?

EmeraldShamrock · 17/07/2019 09:59

Ive never touched drugs Its never interested me. Ditto booze.
Helena is defending the cost of obesity on the NHS.
@HelenaDove you're a nice poster but this thread is not about obesity or social houses, I often wonder why you have to bring threads to these issues.

EmeraldShamrock · 17/07/2019 10:06

I watched a full on crack deals at the bus stop on my way to work outside a busy shopping centre, the dealer was giving everyone big happy hugs, slipping them their crack, taking their cash.
I know this dealer from the area, shes already lost her kids.
I did report it, but if the garda spent more time watching instead of moving on the homeless they'd see it themself.

NoCauseRebel · 17/07/2019 10:07

Doing illegal hard drugs is not remotely comparable to a glass of wine or being obese.

I personally would report her to social services. I don’t care whether other people think that doing crack is ok - it isn’t, or that it’s not for us to judge - actually yes, it is.

EmeraldShamrock · 17/07/2019 10:08

Btw I never needed hospital care during my recreational drug use days.

Lindellia · 17/07/2019 10:11

It just makes me think of Peaches Geldof. And her baby son, alone for 8 hours, with her dead beside him.

Original poster
Jessy111 · 17/07/2019 10:13

It's definitely crack cocaine she's taking, I don't know if that's all she does or whether she does anything else but I know for sure she uses the washed up stuff that turns into a rock after being mixed with something else, ammonia I think.

I don't think parents having a joint at a festival or on holiday when not with their children is nessecarily bad, Its the hard drugs that concern me because of the associated risk.

I think she's skating on very thin ice as far as her life is concerned and I'm astonished she's not already addicted, if she is then she's able to mask it really well because like I said in my OP you would never ever know.

She's not a friend of mine but a friend of a friend, unfortunately I don't see her often enough to keep an eye out for her kids.

Fortunately she has a supportive family so if things start to go pear shaped no doubt they would be onto it.

OP posts: