To ask what you think of drug use once somebody is a parent?

[Jessy111]

It's none of my business I know, but I'm interested in opinions.

A mum of two young children, aged around 6 and 18 months, has been 'recreationally' taking crack cocaine every so often to get high with another friend when the children are being looked after by either family or friends babysitting. I couldn't tell you whether she does it when the children are home but I would hope not.

During the week she works full time and appears to be a totally normal parent, the children appear clean and well cared for and she certainly doesn't 'look' or behave like a drug addict so unless you knew she was doing it you would never have guessed.

My opinion is that it's selfish, dangerous and irresponsible and if she isn't addicted now then she soon will be - I can't get to grips with how a mother of young children with a seemingly normal life and things going for her could be so irresponsible in her role as a parent.

I've also in the past known of other parents who 'recreationally' take drugs on nights out or gatherings in friends houses, taking cocaine and similar stimulants.

I'm from a place where this is sadly the norm in the circles I grew up in, but am fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to move away and am fortunately no longer surrounded by people who think this type of behaviour is acceptable when you have children.

I'm very much live and let live in regards to recreational drug use that doesn't affect me personally but surely the line has to be drawn once you become a parent?

AIBU to think you shouldn't be doing drugs whatsoever when you become a parent? Do you think 'recreational' use is fine so long as the children aren't exposed to it?

I wouldn’t have a problem with a parent smoking a bit of weed or doing the odd line of coke a lot a party, it’s not dangerous and is very unlikely to affect your children unless you’re doing it all the time.

Crack is another matter though. It’s so addictive and can quickly ruin lives. You’re right to be concerned OP, not sure what you can really do about it though.

That should be at a party.

I think it would be terrible....don't agree with it even when not a parent

My god what a load of selfish/naive people on this thread. Well so long as it doesn't harm YOU or your friends / family and the kids look ok then that's ok then. It's only a bit of fun after all.

How would you feel @Jessy111 if she ends up overdosing or driving her kids and having an accident because she's not in a fit state? You say it's rife where you live so why are you standing back and watching it happen? Any safeguarding person at school etc would be calling social services if they had an inkling and I think you have a moral responsibility to do the same frankly.

@dancingmom

It’s unlikely social services would do anything if it really is only recreational use. They have more important things to worry about than someone doing drugs when their kids aren’t around and then being fine and caring for the children well when they are with them. Which is how the OP makes it sound.

Im ok with weed but nothing else.

Gordon Ramsay did a fantastic tv programme about cocaine. How its made was particularly disgusting

The op doesn't know what's going on behind closed doors. No one does. If she has an idea she could be using crack she has a responsibility to those children.

If nothing else to put the fear of god into the mother who clearly is a complacent idiot.

@Jessy111
Please report her to SS. It absolutely is your place because you're worried about her children. It doesn't matter that you don't have concrete proof, it doesn't matter that her children appear well-cared for, it doesn't matter that there are people closer to the situation than you. These children have a mother who's regularly taking crack. Do the right thing by them.

Smoking crack cant be compared to having a few G&T’s when the kids are at their Gran’s house, crikey. It’s dangerous and stupid.

It’s unlikely social services would do anything if it really is only recreational use. They have more important things to worry about than someone doing drugs when their kids aren’t around
Social services would be all oer this, crack is not a recreational drug, even with the best intentions, it is a fast track highly addictive drug, it is frightening the lengths people will go to get it, it cause crazy psychotic highs and lows.
The streets are much rougher since it hit this area.

The thing is I don't live in the area anymore, I don't even know her address other than it being on an estate I'm familiar with. I know what's happening only because my cousin who I'm very low contact with, is part of the scene and is friends with her.

If I were to ring social services they'd probably mark it down as a malicious report because I don't have enough information to make the report credible, I know what she's doing and where she's getting it from but I wouldn't be able to provide them with much else. I cant see social services finding and drug testing every parent who had a vague report made against them.

That's no reason to do nothing. Even if you voice your concern that's something. This can't be genuine - anyone would make the call if they had knowledge like this. I've no idea why you are even thinking About it

I would hope that people much closer to the situation who associate with her on a daily basis would be reporting to SS if her lifestyle is affecting her parenting, which it inevitably will.

Of course i feel desperately sad for the children and appalled at the mother's behaviour but there's nothing I'm able to do from where I am.

Although I know for sure she's doing it, it would be easy for people to assume it's hear say and take no action on the basis she appears to be a perfectly normal young hard working mother on the surface.

Do you really think social services would take somebody seriously who's reporting from 200+ miles away, can't provide an exact address, and doesn't see the woman or have anything to do with her on a regular basis?

I don't know why you think it's not genuine, it would be a very bizarre thing to make up

Er, yes. You seem to have made your mind up so not sure why you came on here.

To see how the general population felt about parents taking drugs, obviously?

I'm not trying to be deliberately provocative, I just really cannot see the authorities taking such a vague report seriously when it's coming from somebody so far away who doesn't have anything to do with her.

@Jessy111
Do you really think social services would take somebody seriously who's reporting from 200+ miles away, can't provide an exact address, and doesn't see the woman or have anything to do with her on a regular basis?

YES! A couple of years ago, DP's sister was in a violent relationship. I haven't seen/spoken to her in about five years. I live about 300 miles away. I gave them all the information that I could (I knew the name of her road and that was all) and they absolutely followed it up.

Make yourself a new gmail address and send them an email detailing everything you possibly know about the situation including people involved, people she's getting her drugs from, family who're involved, rough idea of where she lives etc. It may well be that someone else has reported her and has given SS more specific details. In this case, your report will help them build a picture. It might be that someone connected (her dealer for example) is already known to SS and they might be able to follow up through that.

Sorry OP but I genuinely don't remotely understand why on earth you wouldn't do whatever you could for these kids.

You can find out her full name and then ring social services with anonymous tip off. I think that might be the most responsible thing to do in this situation. My adopted son had been taken into care at 18 months (when he came to me), due to an anonymous tip from a member of the public regarding his birth mother’s use of crack cocaine. He was taken into police protection and not returned to birth mum when the extent of drug use and accompanying neglect was uncovered.

Ok point taken, I will contact social services. I know her full name and that of her children, and an approximate area where she lives. I also know where she gets it from.

I appreciate I look shit for not having done it already, the only reason is that I genuinely didn't think I'd be taken seriously as somebody so far away from the situation with such limited information.

I know someone well who had never used drugs and hardly touched alcohol at age 19. Within a year he was living on the streets. He first tried what was called legal cannabis and I now think was probably spice but hated it. Progressed onto cannabis but didn't get a lot from it either. Once he discovered cocaine he loved it. Within another few weeks he was introduced to crack which he said was the one and only drug for him, he adored it. This very quickly progressed to heroin which he immediately injected ( never smoked it) And his drugs of choice are now injecting heroin and crack together.
I've seen first hand what people are like on crack comedowns and they're nasty. I'd hate to think of children being around that

@Jessy111 I completely understand but my approach when there was DV situation with DP's sister was that I wanted to feel like I'd done absolutely everything I could. Even if that wasn't enough, I wanted a clear conscience and to help in any small way I could.