Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/07/2019 09:07

What a thread!

OP, be reasonable. If the boots that you bought for your child were too big for her then they would definitely be too large for this other child who has smaller feet requiring a smaller size than you'd bought.

Your daughter must also have known this but possibly didn't realise beyond the fact that the boots fitted better. You're the adult and you do know that this was wrong of her.

You're looking for validation where there is none. I wouldn't call a child a thief but there are adults who think it ok to steal appropriate somebody else's property - because...

What PP said about your child's reputation is very true; she won't regain it once that label gets applied. Give the boots back at once.

roundbottomflask · 17/07/2019 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pepsimax20bigger · 17/07/2019 09:12

The girl with smaller feet wouldn't have worn boots 2 sizes too big home (suspect she's normally a size 2 but they bought a 3 for similar reasons that your size 3 daughter was wearing a 4). That coupled with the fact that 1 of your boots is at lost property at the school would make me think that your daughters boot was lost on the trip and she came home wearing someone else's boots. She probably noticed the size difference but couldn't find her own so wore them home anyway.
You need to give this man his daughters boots back. It doesn't sound likely that they 'swapped' (as the size 4 would have fallen of the other girls feet) and your boot is at school surely you can see that?

JacquesHammer · 17/07/2019 09:13

What PP said about your child's reputation is very true; she won't regain it once that label gets applied. Give the boots back at once

And who would that label come from? The adult. An adult who labels a child as “a thief” in what is a very ordinary school situation is fairly abhorrent.

WillLokireturn · 17/07/2019 09:18

I disagree with the more recent PPs and agree with earlier PPs.

Both girls could have accidentally swopped (or there could be a third child/pair!) Other child could have been the one that took OPs DDs! She sounds incredibly careless. If it all happened when away she'd have asked teacher that she only had one boot or no boots!

For whatever reason, other DC has been wearing swopped boots since then and has been careless in subsequently losing one of boots- as parents would have noticed otherwise when unpacking.

If had been genuinely lost on trip parents also would have noticed within a day or two after trip. It wasn't.

Now other dad wants to swop one boot for two a month later with a child that may not even have his DDs original pair, only because his DD has lost one she had in her possession! His DD must have worn or taken them into school and lost if one was found at school. After residential trip the belongings don't go straight into school, they go home off the coach.

YANBU to reply
"Sure, if you believe you mistakenly have my DDs boots , bring the pair into school to show me, I will check them and ours and swop if that's the case."
(If not I don't know how I can help you, as DD had a pair not one when it seems that your DD took them)

It's not your fault his DD has lost a boot and is suddenly unhappy They haven't taken any due care of the boots she had and has responsibility to do so . It's for them to replace like for like if you do end up swopping back. It's a bit meh, what can you do?

All this talk of thievery is ridiculous. No one stole anything. OP is not a CF, the other dad is and he knows it!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/07/2019 09:19

No, Jacques, the children at school. This man's daughter doesn't have her boots when OP's daughter has them; that is going to get out and kids can be very cruel.

OP is in the wrong for knowingly keeping boots that are not her daughters. Her daughter getting 'a name' for this would be a dreadful aftershock.

Most on the thread wouldn't keep the boots because it's wrong to do so, but even the 'light-fingered' types - I think - would return them because whilst it's easy (and oh so much fun) to egg on a poster into wrong-doing on a thread, real life has consequences.

Original poster
daffalicious · 17/07/2019 09:20

I'm going to call the dad after this coffee.

My daughter had no idea she had the other girls boots. They are identical.
She did say that the other girl has definitely worn her walking boots recently when the class went on a long walk.
I definitely do want to return the other girls boots. But I do also think they need to return ours.
The girls have honestly been wearing the wrong boots without realising but now they have lost 1 they have noticed that fortuitously it was the wrong size and so their pair is safely with us.
The tone of the text showed absolutely no concern that one of our boots is lost as their kid has left them at school.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/07/2019 09:21

Willloki, making surmises of what happened doesn't mean that that is what happened. The only facts are that OP's daughter has returned with boots that are not hers and doesn't have possession of her own boots.

GrabbyGertie · 17/07/2019 09:22

She did say that the other girl has definitely worn her walking boots recently when the class went on a long walk

That's makes it more of a them losing it problem.

easterholidays · 17/07/2019 09:24

They’re not your boots. Give them back!

This! There's no way you're going to establish to everyone's satisfaction a month afterwards exactly how a boot went missing and who was to blame. The only incontrovertible fact you have available is that you have someone else's boots. If you don't give them back you're absolutely the CF. Yes it's super annoying that you don't know what happened and it might not have been your DD's fault, but there's nothing you can do about that now (except that next time maybe you'll label her stuff and she'll pay more attention to whose shoes she's putting on!).

But you have to give them back.

LaurieMarlow · 17/07/2019 09:24

I agree that the only thing that’s clear is that you have another child’s property. Yes you need to give them back.

It would be useful to get each of the girls stories to figure out what happened to the misslng boot.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 09:26

She did say that the other girl has definitely worn her walking boots recently when the class went on a long walk.

Yep she’s been wearing them since the Residential and now lost them and conveniently remembered they aren’t her shoes.

I hope the people calling your dd a thief will apologise to you but I suspect there will just be silence.

easterholidays · 17/07/2019 09:26

Ok, the other girl having worn them since the trip is a massive drip feed! Is your daughter 100% sure about that?

littlewriggler · 17/07/2019 09:27

I don't think you need to give them back. If they had been the same size then nobody would have known about the swap and it would be the other girls fault for losing one of her boots. It still is. She borrowed your kids boots and lost one of them.

WillLokireturn · 17/07/2019 09:28

Lying read OPs update. It was logical deduction based on how residential trips and normal parental behaviour works - exactly the way a judge would have surmised....

OPs update is
She did say that the other girl has definitely worn her walking boots recently when the class went on a long walk.
After that other DD LOST on or the boots at school, carelessly, and dad has only become bothered (rubbed his hands!) as he can see a CF method if getting a pair back out of this...

The other girl has lost DDs boots if she had them.
Other dad has to find and replace them. Other girls dad is totally CF to only want to swop now his DD has carelessly lost what may turn out to have been DDs original boots. Other DD did not take care at all of OP DDs property.
Some PPs are ridiculous.

YoThePussy · 17/07/2019 09:28

OP, has your DD broken up from school yet? If so maybe you will not be around for a grand boot swap for a few weeks. This will give the Father time to locate the lost boot ready for the swap over on your return.

Not sure who is Bootzilla but someone is.

LaurieMarlow · 17/07/2019 09:29

Ok, the other girl having worn them since the trip is a massive drip feed! Is your daughter 100% sure about that

I agree.

I feel like you need to talk to both girls together to get the story straight.

pepsimax20bigger · 17/07/2019 09:29

My daughter had no idea she had the other girls boots. They are identical.
She did say that the other girl has definitely worn her walking boots recently when the class went on a long walk.

They're not identical though, they're a size different. I'd also wonder how your dd was observant enough to notice what another child had on her feet one day but didn't realise she was wearing shoes a size smaller than earlier that day.
If the other girl normally wears a size 2, theres no way she was wearing a size 4 on a walk recently. I'm a size 4 and if I put a 6 on, they'd slip off my feet.

You could really cause issues for your daughter here. Tread carefully.

IveNotSlept · 17/07/2019 09:29

I was going to ask if the boot was left on the trip but the other girl has worn them since, therefore your daughter hasn't lost hers and just grabbed the other pair. The parents have clearly only noticed the size when they've lost the boot and thought excellent lets just get our pair back. As the other girl lost yours I'd be inclined to say, "I'd be happy to swap them back once you've found the other".

Original poster
daffalicious · 17/07/2019 09:29

@easterholidays not a drip feed.

The texts from the dad arrived after my daughter was in bed last night. This morning is the first chance I've had to ask my daughter. I have looked at this thread and updated you!

OP posts:
WillLokireturn · 17/07/2019 09:30

Yep she’s been wearing them since the Residential and now lost them and conveniently remembered they aren’t her shoes.

I hope the people calling your dd a thief will apologise to you but I suspect there will just be silence.

This ^^ x100

It was logical from outset that this was likely events due to the long time period and where one boot was "found".

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/07/2019 09:31

OP, if the other child was wearing your daughter's boots on the post-trip walk then why did your daughter not swap back/say something then? Your daughter knew that she wasn't wearing her own boots.

Even if you've only found out today by text from this child's father, your daughter knew back then. Why did she not say anything to you?

Mumofone1858 · 17/07/2019 09:32

I am confused how you say your daughter need insoles and extra socks as her shoes were too big BUT she didn't notice she was wearing boots a size smaller with no insoles or need for more socks? Surely any child over the age of 6/7 (my three year old neice would notice so I'm being really generous there) would know that they had shoes without insoles or need for double socks. She 'lost' her shoes and wore someone else's home (more likely she didn't want big shoes so just took the other girls). The other girl couldn't find her shoes (as your daughter had them and she could tell a bigger pair with insoles weren't hers) so took no boots home. Her dad got annoyed and went to school and found your one shoe. His daughter then realised your daughter had taken her shoes and left hers.

I don't understand how you can't see that your daughter is in the wrong here for taking someone else's shoes and not the girl who refused to swap for a bigger pair!

ImMeantToBeWorking · 17/07/2019 09:32

Hopefully he will be reasonable once he realises that his daughter has had two boots since the trip. Hopefully you get it all sorted.

TheSultanofPingu · 17/07/2019 09:33

They aren't identical, they are different sizes.