To not want to give back these shoes?

[daffalicious]

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

Jellybean - nobody knows how the boots were mixed up. I wasn't casting blame on either child.

Btw I think you should swap them one boot at a time.
Also, when driving or walking I’ve sometimes seen one discarded shoe or boot and thought ‘how do you lose just one?’. Well, now I know.

I'd tell them that when you went to get them so you could return them, you could only find one.

There is equal fault in both parent's side here in failing to label their property when it was going into a school/ residential environment. Had the boots been labelled, none of this could have happened.

If the other boot doesn't turn up after a thorough investigation by BOTH families, then each side should pay 50% of the cost of a new pair. Think of it as a stupid tax. ( Said lightheartedly by a mother who often failed to label her own child's property!)

I can absolutely see why it’s taken a while to come to light.

Other child doesn’t pack boots by mistake - bloody kids.

Wears trainers home.

Missing boots not noticed when unpacking - because parents busy, or a bit stupid, or child told to unpack, or one parents only took out clothes for washing and other parent later sorted the rest, and half a case meant missing items weren’t obvious... there are lots of reasons.

One month later they’re needed. Realise not there.

Go to lost property at school.

The one WRONG boot prompted them to realise that her boots may have ended up with someone else. Their daughter remembers yours has the same ones.

No “swap” may have taken place. Your daughter may never have worn the currently held wrong boots on the trip - just grabbed them during packing.

Bottom line (subject to clarification on whether his text about size was an error) - you have his boots.

Your boot in lost property is a red herring, it’s nothing to do with you having his boots.

What if he had found a lone sock belonging to your daughter in lost property? It’s the same thing.

He doesn’t have your boots, has never had them.

If your daughter had brought home BOTH pairs, would you say “he took a month to ask, that’s too long, I have a younger child, I’m keeping them?”. I hope not!

They’re not yours, give them back.

Maybe the other DD knowingly took the bigger boots, as her father had bought a size 2, when she was a size 3, and she enjoyed not having her toes scrunched up in too-small boots.

A lot of people seem to be very keen on accusing the OP's daughter of theft, but it could equally be that the other DD is a wicked boot thief.

Or, most likely, neither girl is a wicked boot thief, and they just didn't pay attention at the time.

Maybe the other DD deliberately left the boots at school because she never wanted to go hiking or whatever again and now Dad is insisting they go on a jolly ramble and the game is up.

Who knows. But conjecture is such fun!

OP doesn’t have this girl’s shoes. It’s uncertain whose shoes OP has, but they don’t belong to this girl. Therefore why should OP hand them over? I don’t see why losing a similar pair makes this girl any more entitled to the boots than OP is?

OP I’d just tell him you don’t have any size 2 boots and leave it at that.

Accidentally or intentionally they swapped. Therefore you should get two boots back.

If this swap had not happened, and the other girl had lost one boot, then she would still be without a boot and your DD would still have her two.

Yes it is annoying for the other family, but if they had realised a month ago that they had the wrong boots they may have found the two easier.

Maybe just tell the father that the pair you have are not a size 2 since that is the size his daughter had.

All comes down to whether the other girl came back from the trip with two boots. If she did, and one has been lost since, you have a good case for saying you'll swap when they find it.

I’m with OP here.

I’d email back and say. “I’m a bit confused, can you help me understand? You’re missing a pair of size 2 boots. We purchased size 4 but what DD has is size 3.
Did your DD bring a pair of boots back from the residential? What happened to them after that?”

A lot of people are assuming that your DD just took a pair and their DD took nothing back. I think it’s more likely she also took a pair back and has since lost one, bringing the accidental exchange (which no one cared about before) to the mind of the financially conscious Dad.

difficult scenario

oh another person is added to the mix, just read further
interesting, twirls moustache.
you might need acas
do you facebook?

Surely there’s two possible scenarios.

One is that both girls came back from the trip wearing a pair of boots. Both have subsequently worn them since, one girl has now lost a shoe. Her fault totally and OP shouldn’t lose out in this situation.

If the girl with one boot only came back from the trip with one boot then I think the OP does need to hand the boots over.

I bought new boots for residential last month (I’m not the dad!).
We tried on lots of different ones, and not her “usual” size. 3 different shops, no half sizes. In the end, I ordered 2 sizes from Amazon to try on at home.
To tell you now, a month later, which size we settled on I’d have to check my returns history on Amazon or go and physically check the boot, because I have 2 different sizes in my mind, neither of which is her regular size.
She’s in 13 ballet pumps, 1 roller blades and bizarrely 4 in a pair of trainers.
So I can well believe that the dad gave the wrong size.

He may not have given the wrong size of course, and these trainees might not be his. But I wouldn’t rule out ownership based on that text, but clarify more.

If the girl with one boot only came back from the trip with one boot then I think the OP does need to hand the boots over.

But not if the other girl was the one who took the wrong boots in the first place, surely?

Life’s short.
I’d give them back.
Kids lose stuff and it’s likely your DD is as much responsible for losing the boots as the other girl. You’ll never really know. Life’s easier without confrontation and this just isn’t worth the hassle of making a statement.

Did his DD wear a pair of boots on the way back from the trip?

Rhi she shouldn't say what size boots she has because the father will then decide he made a mistake saying what size.

She should just say that she doesn't have size 2 boots so he needs to look elsewhere for his daughters.

Agree with Vanguard, bad feelings, hostility every time you bump into the boot family for ever more. I'd return them, ask if they could have a really good search for yours and put it down to bad luck.

No one knows how it ended up at school, hence why the OP needs more info. If the other girl was using the boots and then later found out one was missing but found at school then it's not the same as if the boots have been missing since the trip.

She can't have been using them at home if one was at school.

I'm not sure if you have DCs

Yes. Three. Two of whom are now adult. I think that qualifies me as knowledgeable in "stuff children lose".

The only solid fact here is that the OP knows she has someone else's property and is intending to deprive them of it.

My first response was to suggest they split the cost of a new pair as both children are at fault. My thoughts on that still stand.

But not if the other girl was the one who took the wrong boots in the first place, surely?

Word of one girl against another?

I'm pretty sure the op's dd does have the other girls boots. The sizing label often has British as well as American sizes printed which has probably led to the dad confusing size 2/3.
There is no third pair of boots.

God almighty, questioning whether Soup has children is a bit lairy, isn’t it? Like nobody who doesn’t have direct experience of their very own teenager cannot possibly see the logic in an abstract situation. Honestly!

I can’t believe the number of brass necks on this thread

They’re not your boots. Give them back!