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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/07/2019 09:34

Willloki, sorry but I don't get your 'logic', to me it seems to be a string of assumptions helpfully/hopefully bound together in earnest.

Ambydex · 17/07/2019 09:34

I think if you send them into school with unlabelled boots then you need to take it on the chin when those boots get lost. The other girls' boots are not lost, you need to give them back. I'm with the PP who said you can choose to come over as a complete tool, or not. Don't be the parent who is holding another child's possessions to ransom.

No harm in ringing the outward bound place even if your DD is sure she's seen the other girl wearing the boots since. It is exactly the sort of thing my child could be certain about without having seen anything

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/07/2019 09:35

6 of one and half a dozen of the other. Both girls are at fault here. Can you suggest a compromise?

Return the boots and request a contribution for a replacement pair if he can't find the other one?

I think it's fair enough to request an exchange of a pair of boots, and yes, his DD has lost one. But your DD lost 2 in theory as she didn't notice they had swapped.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 09:36

A size up is not easily noticeable. I wear a size 5 or 6 in trainers and would not be able to tell you which shoe is a 5 or 6, especially if wearing socks.

Maybe OP’s dd didn’t even remember her mum had bought her a size up.

Ellisandra · 17/07/2019 09:36

@WillLokireturn I don’t think that’s the logical conclusion at all. Walking boots are occasional wear items. I think it’s perfectly logical that you might not realise they’re missing for a month, when you need them again.

It makes a difference if the other girl has been wearing them... and it is a bit of a dripfeed to not know that until page 9 Grin

Abra1de · 17/07/2019 09:37

You named your boots, I hope? So chances are the stray one will be returned.

Ellisandra · 17/07/2019 09:37

I like the facts from the dripfeed though - it’s a far more interesting debate if the other girl has been wearing the boots!!

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 09:38

@Ellisandra it’s not a drip feed, OP’s dd was asleep when the girl’s dad texted so she couldn’t ask her.

PuppyMonkey · 17/07/2019 09:38

The lost boot is probably just lying around on the floor near the coat hooks at school, or is maybe in school lost property. Or maybe in somebody else's bag. I'd text the dad, and you both should go in and look and have a really good root around the place and ask the teachers and some other kids or whatever - before the school breaks up.

It's nobody's fault, your DD wore the wrong boots, the other girl wore the wrong boots - one of which has inadvertently gone missing at school, as boots have been doing for eons for no particular reason and despite kids trying their best to "look after" them.

Give the other girl her boots back though. Them's the rules.

Ambydex · 17/07/2019 09:40

*WillLoki" you said all this talk of thievery is ridiculous, and then advise OP to text the parent saying their DD took your DD's boots! Accusing his DD of stealing is really bad advice.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 09:40

@WillLokireturn

It was logical from outset that this was likely events due to the long time period and where one boot was "found".

I agree. A month is a long time. Most shops don’t let you return stuff after a month for a reason, it’s plenty of time in which to raise any issues about your shoes before they get lost.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 17/07/2019 09:42

How can you be 100% sure your daughter is completely innocent? There is no real way of knowing
You will look a total weirdo thief keeping boots that you both know are not yours,
Hopefully one made it back to school do the other one is there too

HeadintheiClouds · 17/07/2019 09:42

Op’s dd was wearing shoes she knew full well didn’t belong to her for a full month also, and chose to keep quiet about it?

Drum2018 · 17/07/2019 09:44

@HeadintheiClouds no she wasn't. She thought they were her own boots.

easterholidays · 17/07/2019 09:44

Sorry @daffalicious I didn't mean deliberate withholding of information, just a new fact that completely changes the complexion of the story!

On the whole I still think you'd be better to give the other boots back and chalk it up to experience, though I can see how annoying that would be.

MonstranceClock · 17/07/2019 09:44

Of course you should give back the boots. I don't understand this thread.

LaurieMarlow · 17/07/2019 09:46

I'd also wonder how your dd was observant enough to notice what another child had on her feet one day but didn't realise she was wearing shoes a size smaller than earlier that day.

I agree with this.

xotyl · 17/07/2019 09:46

So the residential is not relevant as the boots may have been mixed up at school. Both pairs were there for the subsequent walk. They have not lost their boots your dd has them. Give those boots back. Why would you need to ask if you should. What a bloody awful example you are giving your own dd. The good news is that they must be at school, not the residential. If the school is still running ask for an e-mail to be sent asking people to check for your missing boot.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 09:46

@HeadintheiClouds

Op’s dd was wearing shoes she knew full well didn’t belong to her for a full month also, and chose to keep quiet about it?

But she’s not the one who lost one boot and is not trying to get her original pair back. That’s CFery (from the dad).

Kids are kids, they will swap things and OP’s dd may not have felt able to ask for her shoes from the other girl.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 09:48

@xotyl

Both pairs were there for the subsequent walk. They have not lost their boots your dd has them.

Correction, both pairs were there for the walk but the other girl subsequently lost a shoe.

As soon as the other girl lost OP’s dd shoe she lost the right to get her shoes back.

theworldistoosmall · 17/07/2019 09:50

I would text back -

Hi, I'm a bit confused, where the boots lost on the residential or the recent school journey.

And see how he answers. If they were lost after the residential how likely is it that they would have both taken the shoes off and accidentally swapped.

If at the residential first thing we did when they got back was check they brought everything back, whilst unpacking and washing. Isn't that what people do?

The other girl would have had plenty of time to say - lost a boot on the trip. She would have known before leaving the place because she would have packed her own stuff.

FudgeMallowDelight · 17/07/2019 09:56

She did say that the other girl has definitely worn her walking boots recently when the class went on a long walk
So i assume your dd wore walking boots on the same recent school walk, so your dd may have accidentally brought back the other girl's boots from this recent school walk not the residential. So your dd's boots are still at school. you'd better return the boots and look for your dds which are still at school

browzingss · 17/07/2019 09:57

It’s theft if you decide to keep the boots, plainly speaking. The other pair of boots are immaterial, in the eyes of the law the issues are separate.

It wasn’t theft at first as it was an honest mistake, however now that you have been made aware that you have their pair of boots, it is seen as dishonestly depriving them of their property if you don’t return them.

By all means, express your annoyance that his daughter has had your boots for a month and has now lost a shoe. They obviously didn’t take proper care of your belongings.

Shodan · 17/07/2019 09:57

There's no question that both pairs of boots should be returned to their rightful owners.

However, there's no reason to return a pair of boots and get only a single boot in return.

The onus is on the other girl and her father to find the missing boot (that is the property of the OP's daughter) and then a swap can take place.

It would be the height of CFery to expect a swap before the missing boot has been found. You can't just take something that doesn't belong to you, use it, lose it, and then expect a replacement, leaving someone else out of pocket.

If it were my child that had the wrong boots and had carelessly lost one it wouldn't occur to me to chase the other party and demand the original pair back before first ensuring I had a pair to give back.

TanselleTooTall · 17/07/2019 09:58

Blimey. This reminds me of the Skort Debacle.

No, not a typo. It was a skort, not skirt and we all ended up up saying skort in Gru's voice!