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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
BlackBirdInMyGarden · 17/07/2019 07:05

Sorry meant to say who knowingly took one pair.

Thequaffle · 17/07/2019 07:06

I’m way too invested in this thread. OP, please update!

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 07:06

If it was lost from the other girls home then it would seem they were being used.

So you think they are lying when they say one boot was found at school?

TidyDancer · 17/07/2019 07:12

@SoupDragon what I said was:

I really do think you need more info on how the boot was lost. If it was lost from the other girls home then it would seem they were being used. The fact the one boot was found at school is muddying the waters.

I'm not sure where you got from that that I think someone is lying.

Wale90 · 17/07/2019 07:13

You need to ask your daughter how she got them and why she hasn't noticed they were the wrong size. She has as much responsibility to highlight the 'swap'.

The other girl may have gone home hoping her parents didn't notice she didn't have her boots as she knew she didn't have them (she may have thought she lost them not realising they had gone home with someone else). Now her dad has asked where they are it's all come to light, he has tried to find them but he cannot, it isn't his job to replace your daughters lost boots because she didn't pay attention to what she put on her feet.

Its unfortunate but your daughter is at fault here as much as the other girl who could have highlighted the loss earlier, equally your daughter could have said as soon as she got home 'these boots are a different size to the ones I took'

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/07/2019 07:15

There are far too many stories/possibilities about how the other boots could have been lost or what has been done with them since.

Even the date form when the OP knew when they were not her DD's is up for debate.

What we do know is that the OP's DD must have known that they weren't her boots from the moment that she put them on.

LolaSmiles · 17/07/2019 07:18

Or 2 pairs and a father with Fat Finger Syndrome who has hit the wrong number.
True. Or 2 pairs and the dad has mentioned his child's usual shoe size having not realised that often walking boots are bought a size bigger (in fact one pair of my boots were technically 2 sizes bigger and I'd still offer a size X boot in my original size).

The OP seems a bit too keen to say 'aha so they aren't his and we can keep them' for my liking.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 07:20

@urbanlife it's been a while but I'll dust off my Criminal Law 101 for you to explain why the other girl hasn't committed a crime.

Most crimes require an actus rea (criminal act) and a mens rea (a criminal mind). The other family didn't know they had someone else's boots (If they had them at all, that hasn't been established) therefore lack the intention or knowledge of wrong doing that constitutes part of a crime. If she honestly believed they were her boots, then there is no wrongdoing for her to wear, loose, throw them in the bin, set them on fire etc.

There is also nothing that shows that the other girl even took a pair of boots home from camp. The family might not have realised she'd even lost them for a month and only discovered the lone boot when they went looking for their own.

Unfortunately for OP - you don't get to keep things that aren't yours just because the owner didn't notice you took it for a month.

OP's daughter doesn't get a gold star for 'taking care' of boots she either purposely nicked or carelessly took from her classmate.

We don't know what happened to OP's daughters shoes. We do know what happened to the other girls shoes.

OP should return them immediately if she doesn't want a reputation at school.

Jellybeansincognito · 17/07/2019 07:21

I wouldn’t return them, at the end of his day his daughter lost the shoes and that would have happened regardless of whether they were hers or yours.

Or say yeah of course I’ll swap back, but you owe me a replacement because you’ve lost my property.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 07:23

I'm not sure where you got from that that I think someone is lying.

You said they could have been lost at home. How did a boot then end up at school? There aren't many options other than they are lying about where the boot was found or the boot was taken to school and "found" there.

Notonthestairs · 17/07/2019 07:25

My view is that your bought your daughter the wrong size boots, didn't label them, there was an unfortunate mix up between children (we will never know who took what) and now you want to keep someone else's boots for the summer for your daughter to wear.

Are you intending to return them in September or never? Surely your child is wearing the wrong size boot??

YABU.

BogglesGoggles · 17/07/2019 07:26

It’s difficult. On the one hand your dd was the one who lost her boots that could have all be avoided if the other girl had taken proper care of them. Obviously the boot have to be returned but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to find the other boot/or replace it.

Jellybeansincognito · 17/07/2019 07:26

@Notonthestairs I’m sure she would swap back, but they’ve lost her property. Why should she pay for their daughters mistake?

Alarmclockstop · 17/07/2019 07:27

If it happened straight after residential then I'd say you'd have to suck it up. But a month later? Are they named?

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 07:27

It's far more plausible that the larger boots were left at camp by OP's daughter. Children would have taken multiple pairs of shoes to camp, and could easily have worn another pair home and not noticed the boots weren't packed.

Children generally only have one pair of shoes with them at school itself and they aren't walking boots. The other girl would have had to have gone home in bare feet one day without anyone noticing if she lost them at the school itself.

The most likely scenario is that OP's DD took the wrong pair home from camp, the other girl took no boots home from camp and the school brought back what lost property they found left behind at camp.

TidyDancer · 17/07/2019 07:29

That question is really the point @SoupDragon. No one knows how it ended up at school, hence why the OP needs more info. If the other girl was using the boots and then later found out one was missing but found at school then it's not the same as if the boots have been missing since the trip. I'm not sure if you have DCs, but I know mine have lost things over the years that have been discovered in random places that I didn't think they could possibly be in.

The OP will have to return the boots regardless but getting a replacement and who should pay (or contribute) depends a lot on how/when the pair was last seen/used.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 07:32

If someone takes my sunglasses from a cafe while I'm looking the other way is it my fault for not taking care of my belongings? Or are they a thief?

This other girl should have been able to leave her shoes unattended at a sleep away camp without a classmate nicking them.

If someone took something valuable of yours, like a ring you don't wear often, but you didn't notice for a month, are they allowed to keep it? No? But what about if they took wonderful care of it and didn't lose it? Shouldn't they be rewarded for their careful treatment of your belongings by being allowed to keep them even though they took them from you?

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 07:34

I agree @TidyDancer

I suspect it will remain a mystery.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 07:36

This other girl should have been able to leave her shoes unattended at a sleep away camp without a classmate nicking them.

Bit of an assumption. Maybe the other girl 'nicked' OP's dd shoes.

Pinktinker · 17/07/2019 07:38

They’re only interested because they can’t find the second one. If they’d found the second one I’m certain they wouldn’t have even noticed the sizing (as you didn’t) and would have just used them. Now they can’t find the one, they want ‘theirs’ back. CF’s.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 17/07/2019 07:38

I think the dad is the CF. It sounds like the boots were mixed up on the trip. OP's daughter brought back 'her' pair but the other girl left 'hers' which were then put in lost property, but one shoe being estranged from the other. Now they want them, realise only one can be retrieved and want their original ones. That's not fair. OP, you keep hold of them. If/ when they do find the missing shoe they're going to be moaning about the amount of wear and tear on the ones you've got at the moment anyway.

Pinktinker · 17/07/2019 07:39

It’s not theft 😆. Children mix up their items 24/7. I can’t tell you how many times my DC have returned home with someone else’s PE kit, it happens...

Nanasueathome · 17/07/2019 07:43

But the OP has already stated that the boots her daughter now has in her possession are a size 3
The other girl’s father has told her that his daughters boots are a size 2
Why would the OP hand over a pair of boots to the other girl if they are not hers?

TheSultanofPingu · 17/07/2019 07:48

I would return the boots. It's unclear who was at fault, and the pair of boots your dd has been wearing do actually belong to the other girl.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 17/07/2019 07:48

Tuning in for the update on Bootgate.

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