To not want to give back these shoes?

[daffalicious]

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

How on earth is it stealing if the op keeps the shoes?
Imagine it was an intentional swap rather than accidental. Your child borrows another child's shoes and lends them theirs in return, for whatever reason, let's say they want to wear red shoes instead of blue ones. Child 1 damages or loses one of the red shoes and then asks to swap the blue ones back because they "belong" to them. Child 2 ends up with one red shoe. Is that fair?

If the OPs daughter is telling the truth then she should keep the wrong shoes. They're hers now.

I can't believe after years at school people still send things unnamed. It's lesson 1.

You can't just keep things which you know you've picked up by mistake and belong to someone else because "possession is nine tenths of the law". By that reasoning you can just take whatever you like from anyone and keep it because you're in possession of it. Or decide to keep something you borrow from someone because you're in possession of it.

The fact remains that OP now knows the boots do not belong to her daughter and are not hers, therefore she should return them to the school.

It would clearly be different if it was an intentional swap.

So hey OP your child stole my child's shoes ....we took your home and lost one...
We can't give you yours back that we took..but give us ours back....

How does someone lose shoes at school anyway? Surely they’re on your feet? You’d notice if you were only wearing one shoe?

@mummmy2017 EXACTLY!!!

But how did the call go??

@sunshinecake - having spent more hours of my life which I will not get back labelling and naming stuff - yes Lesson 1 - and it is not a perfect system , but by golly you are more likely to get your stuff back if labelled,

Ds is 22 - so no labelling required , but amusingly has stuff that fits him with his name in it. tops and sports stuff .Probably embarrassing for him but helps me as he and Dh similar size to I can see whose is whose when things come out of the dryer ( Ds at home for a post graduate course )

Again I would say this is put it down to experience and move on & label & tell DD to look after her stuff.

Well - it has been a blast

None of what op is saying makes sense.
I still don't get how if the swap happened on the trip, how one boot ended up in school.

But how do we know it wasn't more like this:

So hey OP your child stole my child's shoes ....my child wore your child's shoes at school as they were the only ones there (even though they are too big, since hers were missing due to being stolen)...
We can't give you yours back that my child had to use because she left them at school and now one seems to be missing..but give us ours back ....

DinoEggz
How does someone lose shoes at school anyway?

Children will find a way

Surely they’re on your feet?

I teach several pupils that take shoes off during lessons and they may not have been on feet but in a bag, if this is primary they coould also be hung up on a peg in an open to everyone cloakroom.

You’d notice if you were only wearing one shoe?*

Not necessarily, I have had several come back for the one shoe that they had forgotten. Plus, other children (at times) take great delight in removing things from other pupils bags.

OP said child wore larger size on school walk recently ..
How easy to tell teacher,. My shoes are to big, can you ask who has mine...
Did she no... I recon they fitted and were used.... Until one was lost....at which point daddy no longer happy and suddenly thinks since he no longer has a pair he will kick up about it.....CF....
OP did say they had no idea till message

mummmy2017

But as with everything else on the thread its the OP's narrative.

I can quite easily see how the OP's DD could have taken the boots during the trip because a boot was missing.

I can also see how the other child could have reported her boots missing and the teachers saying that they may turn up. hence one boot at school and the other binned at the residential center.

And that is even with the OP's drip feed.

However, I can also see how two pairs of boots got mixed up, one pair came home with the OP's DD and the other pair stayed at school and one has got lost and the DDad has only just realised that the boots are not his DD's.

But I can also see many other scenarios in-between.

mummy the OP said her DD saw the girl wearing boots on the trip - how you could magically tell the boots she had on when walking were too big is beyond me.

daffalicious

I'm going to call the dad after this coffee.

My daughter had no idea she had the other girls boots. They are identical.
She did say that the other girl has definitely worn her walking boots recently when the class went on a long walk.
I definitely do want to return the other girls boots. But I do also think they need to return ours.
The girls have honestly been wearing the wrong boots without realising but now they have lost 1 they have noticed that fortuitously it was the wrong size and so their pair is safely with us.
The tone of the text showed absolutely no concern that one of our boots is lost as their kid has left them at school.

Said 9 this morning ...
So yes happy to use boots till lost one....

So OP are you coming back, or are you still drinking that incredibly large coffee?

🤔 I can’t believe how many people angrily believe these should be returned - calling it ‘theft’ WTAF.

Both girls left the trip with boots, now 3 MONTHS later one of the boots has gone missing and the parent of the child with the missing boot wants to ‘swap’ back.

Just apply it to adult logic, if my friend and I swapped shoes to go to an event but I lost one of her shoes...I wouldn’t ask for my own back!! I’d go with ‘can I replace yours? And then we can swap back?’ It’s just common decency

A boot has been lost. Under whatever circumstance - no one knows but it doesn't really matter.
The existing matched pair have been identified as belonging to the other girl.
You need to return the boots and suck up your bad luck

They didn't intentionally swap shoes though. One of the girls must have picked up the wrong ones at some point and they've somehow not realised until now. It's not the same thing as intentionally swapping shoes with a friend. Nobody lent OP's daughter the boots, and she may well have been the one who originally picked up the wrong boots meaning that the other girl couldn't find hers.

Yes OP should return the boots. OP should also be given 2 boots back in return. If one is lost, they provide a replacement pair.

I wouldn't return the boots, he's a CF and was as happy as a pig in shit until his daughter lost one, he's now thinking of a way to get a free pair so he doesn't have to the expense himself. Keep the boots and deny all knowledge of what he's talking about. Why should you suffer because his daughter can't look after stuff?

You should've returning them and they should be paying for a new pair.

That isn't what happened though. His DD had no boots, he checked lost property and only found one in a different size.

That’s not what I took from OP’s posts. I read that the other kid has had the boots for a month and been observed wearing them. Now the father contacts OP to say there’s been a boot swap and they want the originals back. Conveniently, this was only noticed after one of the boots went astray.

It’s all a bit confusing. And I’m 🧐 at the fact neither kid apparently noticed they were wearing differently sized boots.

I would not tell the man what size the boots your daughter currently has are. If you tell him they’re a size 3, he may just claim the “2” in his text was a typo.

Just be prepared for a third child and the actual owner of the mysterious size 3s to enter the fray. In which case you definitely need to reunite boots with owner.

Okay. Looking from a different perspective. If I go on a group camping trip I might (accidentally or deliberately) have someone else's tent as they look similar. I then take the tent home, whether I've realised the difference or not, and happily use it and take care of it. The person who has my tent has been using it but just recently lost one of the poles. Now they want the tent that I have. Both of us were happy to use a different tent, whether we realised or not. Would I return the tent? Hell's no. They damaged/lost property that they either a) thought was there's and now conveniently realised it wasn't so trying to get a free replacement or b) damaged/lost property that they knew to be someone else's and now refusing to accept responsibility for.

I would be returning nothing unless it's a fair swap. Seems obvious.