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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:57

@FudgeMallowDelight

My post wasn’t directed to you?

sailorcherries · 17/07/2019 13:59

JAMM even if the boots belong to a third person OP cannot keep them until they are claimed. They do not belong to her.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/07/2019 13:59

I'd only swap back if they supply a pair. Since the other girl has been wearing your dd's shoes since the trip and has lost one, I think her parents are being cheeky fuckers. Not rt whole ft yet but I'd deny having their boots. Other parent is in no position to know what is yours and what is his. Failing that I'd tell him you want him to locate what his dd has lost or else he actually owes you a new pair of boots.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:59

@sailorcherries well I can only go by what OP tells us as we’re never going to get the dad’s story.

And I choose to believe OP and her dd. Others may be dubious, that’s their prerogative.

cstaff · 17/07/2019 14:02

I would definitely only swap a pair for a pair. He is being a CF and knows it. He is chancing his arm and hoping that you are a bit of a softie. Let him or his daughter find the missing boot. They might try a bit harder to find it if you put this to them.

Applejack5 · 17/07/2019 14:05

What if there was no message from the other girl's dad and OP had simply realised that the boots were the wrong ones... would you still think she should keep them? Or return them to the school?

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 14:11

If OP had realised after a month yes I think she should still keep them even if no message. It’s just been too long. If it was a couple of days later I’d have suggested OP ask at the school if anyone had a pair of size 4 walking boots that their dd had taken home by mistake.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 14:12

And the flip side of that is if OP has noticed that the shoes were damaged after a month then she should not complain that they aren’t hers. It’s the length of time that does it for me.

Applejack5 · 17/07/2019 14:14

Why does how long she's had them make a difference? Either way they're not hers.

If you lost something then realised someone had it a month later (assuming they'd only just realised) would you just let them keep it?

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 14:23

No, unless I knew I had taken home their similar item and lost a part of it, then I would feel like a CF asking for it back.

Time makes a difference. In the same way that shops don’t offer refunds after a month. The situation was working for everyone for a month, so you get to change the parameters when it stops working for you.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 14:24

*you don’t get to change

Ellie56 · 17/07/2019 14:26

Also, why oh why would any parent NOT label their children's clothing. It's ridiculous how much time is wasted in schools looking for missing property or trying to reunite clothing to their owners. If you can't be arsed to label school clothes then you really don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to lost property.

It doesn't matter whether you label stuff or not. It still goes missing. . I spent hours labelling school clothes and footwear and it still went missing. My eldest came back from scout camp having lost a whole football kit, a pair of swim shorts and a lunch box. Every last thing had his name on. It never turned up. Named stuff went missing at school too. And even though we hunted through Lost Property and everywhere else they never turned up either.

mummmy2017 · 17/07/2019 14:27

The only there child has been using the shoes. There is no way two sizes up don't slip or rub....they knew.

So the dad only got upset when the shoes his family had kept , ended up with one being lost by their child... . .

mummmy2017 · 17/07/2019 14:28

Sorry.. their child. Not a the only there.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 14:34

@Ellie56 lost property won't turn up when CFs like the OP think 'ooh goody finders keepers' to themselves and decide they have the right to hold on to something that isn't theirs.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 14:49

@WishingILivedOnAnIsland except that OP has lost out in this scenario

She bought a pair of size 4 and ended up with a pair smaller so she’s going to have to shell out for another pair sooner than planned.

So I hardly think she’s thinking ‘oh goody finders keepers’

SavingSpaces2019 · 17/07/2019 14:51

Why does how long she's had them make a difference?
Cos possession is 9/10 of the law.......

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 15:12

^^ Absolutely

Flamingjo · 17/07/2019 16:02

@Ellie56 of course it matters labelling all school clothes. Most lost property issues would be resolved quickly if people bothered labelling clothes.

Kaddm · 17/07/2019 16:14

If you have property that you know definitely belongs to someone else, you do have to return it imo.

Then you have to separately tackle the issue of your lost boots.

mummmy2017 · 17/07/2019 16:19

Flamingjo

@Ellie56 of course it matters labelling all school clothes. Most lost property issues would be resolved quickly if people bothered labelling clothes.

This situation would have been resolved quickly had both parents labelled the boots. Actually I take that back. This situation could have been resolved quickly had the OP decided not to hold a pair of boots hostage.....
Wrong on so many levels...
He only found out when he lost her property....
So now how can they swap back when he has lost a shoe that was in his keeping...

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 17/07/2019 16:37

I don't understand why all these people are saying you're being unreasonable and essentially withholding items that don't belong to you.

At the end of the day it was a mistake that the boots got swapped but the other girl was careless with her pair and ONLY when one shoe was lost was it flagged up that, actually, they're not her shoes.

Say you want a like for like swap. His daughter was careless with shoes, it's by the by if they were her original pair or the pair she swapped, as she would only be left with one because she left them at school. Your daughter hasn't been careless so why should you/she be punished because all of a sudden the Dad thinks he's entitled to the original pair back after a month and only when one is missing.

blackteasplease · 17/07/2019 16:39

I'd just say "sorry I don't have the pair you are looking for", if the ones you have are not as specified by the Dad.

FilledSoda · 17/07/2019 16:52

This is so confusing . I can't help thinking there's more to it .

BasiliskStare · 17/07/2019 17:07

Amusng as it is - I think this comes under the heading "shit happens" Buy another pair and label them with ultra permanent marking pen and put it down to experience.

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