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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 18/07/2019 06:59

QueenoftheBayou

Your synopsis is based on the drip feed that the other person has used the item. It could well be that the item was never used because is was broken or had parts missing and that was why they took the other item in the first place.

FudgeMallowDelight · 18/07/2019 08:58

What happened when you spoke to the other family yesterday morning op?

daffalicious · 18/07/2019 09:18

Sorry was offline yesterday.
All is well. I searched for over half an hour in a closed school through bin bags of abandoned shoes and found the missing boot. And drove out of my way to return the boots we had to the dad - who didn't even say thank you!

Our boots had definitely been worn throughout the month the other girl had them and had been left at school. They were dirty and less well cared for than the ones we returned!

I felt vindicated that when I ran the story past our class teacher she agreed we should have 2 boots returned! I then helped her pack up and got some quality 1 - 2 - 1 chat so that was a lovely bonus!

Lesson learned re labelling too.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 18/07/2019 09:22

Would anyone care to admit they gave the dad credit for being a better person than he was in reality...
Well done OP. Common sense wins

Alsohuman · 18/07/2019 09:24

Glad bootgate has come to a satisfactory conclusion. It seems that those of us who were convinced there was no issue until one of your boots went missing were correct.

SagAloojah · 18/07/2019 09:58

Would anyone care to admit they gave the dad credit for being a better person than he was in reality...

Would they heck. They’ll probably find a way to blame OP for the user dirty boots! 😂

I’m glad you got the boots back, OP!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/07/2019 10:00

And drove out of my way to return the boots we had to the dad - who didn't even say thank you

What a rude git. Glad it's all settled now.

Ambydex · 18/07/2019 10:08

"Would anyone care to admit they gave the dad credit for being a better person than he was in reality..."

Meh. I still think you should give people the benefit of the doubt and treat them as you would wish to be treated yourself.

OP has had this great outcome because she looked for the boot (and luckily found it). It didn't come about by her refusing to swap until the other family found the boot.

Alsohuman · 18/07/2019 10:10

She shouldn’t have had to look for the boot, it wasn’t her who lost it.

browzingss · 18/07/2019 10:17

To be honest, it’s clear that he’s being disrespectful towards you. I would absolutely inform him that you’re not happy about the condition that the boots were in, and would probably distance myself from them.

HeadintheiClouds · 18/07/2019 10:18

How is it clear that he’s being disrespectful?

browzingss · 18/07/2019 10:20

Through his attitude towards OP

mummmy2017 · 18/07/2019 10:23

Maybe your returned boots were being used for hiking by the school ghost while lost as it couldn't have been the CF took his DD out in them ....

HeadintheiClouds · 18/07/2019 10:28

You only know how op engaged with him through what she’s told you. He might tell it differently. She did refuse to give the shoes back initially...

Butchyrestingface · 18/07/2019 10:32

How is it clear that he’s being disrespectful?

He didn’t say the magic word, for a start.

PuppyMonkey · 18/07/2019 10:37

Well, that's a happy ending all round. Big hugs, everyone. Grin

Angech74 · 18/07/2019 10:44

I agree with other posters - until they have your daughter's PAIR of boots to return, they can nob off.

flouncyfanny · 18/07/2019 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummmy2017 · 18/07/2019 10:52

The boots have been swapped.
However the returned boots have been worn more than the smaller pair.....

JumpingJaneFlash · 18/07/2019 10:54

It was an honest mistake to start with but the other family has burnt their bridges with yours because of how they went about rectifying the mistake. You have their card marked OP. You have the moral high ground. Well done for recovering the other boot and not letting yourself down by creating a drama with the dad.

I hope you flounced off?

Halo
CarlaJones · 18/07/2019 11:21

Is the dad admitting he's known since the residential his daughter had the wrong boots but didn't bother to contact you until after the school walk? Or is he saying he only realised your dd had his dd's boots after the school walk?

FilledSoda · 18/07/2019 12:33

He couldn't even say thank you ?
Dick Hmm

RhiWrites · 18/07/2019 12:37

That’s exactly what I said would be the case. Don’t know why some posters were insisting the other boots couldn’t have been worn or used.

Owlsintowels · 18/07/2019 13:23

Late to the party but I'm utterly baffled by this

We don't (didn't) know the ins and outs of who took which boot when, but a neutral assumption is they got switched by accident and neither girl really noticed. If both pairs were new I can easily believe this, new boots are tight until they wear in etc

One got lost while under the other girls care

If we change the scenario and say two adult women were at a lunch, identical brand new iPhone in the table close to each other. As one leaves they grab the wrong one, other woman grabs the one left behind without realising either.

Five mins later getting into a car one drops the phone, smashing and breaking it beyond repair. While sobbing over the broken bits she notices a tiny sticker on the back and realises it isn't hers, must be other woman's

Are you telling me that you think innocent woman with wrong phone unknowingly in her pocket should hand this over to the other woman with a broken phone, without any question of who is paying to replace her brand new phone?

Would you do that if another mum had nicked your phone by accident at a party then smashed it? 'Oh yes, this is yours, here you go, nevermind mine - that's my problem'??

I'd be asking for replacement value

Maybe a phone is a bad example because it's needed all day long.

I'm on your side OP, and not at all surprised to see you're proved right and the other dad is proved a shyster. I'm amazed most other MNs decided to concoct a scenario in which your DD was at fault and this other person was completely without fault based on no evidence at all

SagAloojah · 18/07/2019 13:52

I'm amazed most other MNs decided to concoct a scenario in which your DD was at fault and this other person was completely without fault based on no evidence at all

Yes, and unsurprisingly they’re all hiding now Grin

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