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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
CherryGlaze · 17/07/2019 13:07

Wow really really gobsmacked at the amount of people not calling the Dad out for his CFery

If DS came back with shoes that were too big but suddenly fit, it would not occur to him to think something was up, he'd assume his feet had grown?

I check his stuff after every residential. No excuse for not noticing for a month, then offering ONE boot in exchange for a pair? no chance!

OP stick to your guns. And yes, if it was me who failed to notice the swap and then could only find one boot, I wouldn't even bloody dream of asking the other parent for a pair back. I would remonstrate with DS for not looking after his stuff better.

Why don't people take responsibility for their actions? You lose a boot, you can't swap a pair back...that's on you?

The very idea of asking someone to give me a pair of boots and leave them with nothing, a MONTH after the event? I wouldn't dream of it, in a million years.

sailorcherries · 17/07/2019 13:13

Cherry, except the same thing happened with OP.

Applejack5 · 17/07/2019 13:21

It's not like they've agreed to swap boots for a while then the other girl lost one.

If you end up with someone else's property in error and you return it when you realise you have it, that's fine. If you don't return it then that's theft. Doesn't matter if you had a similar piece of property which you now can't find.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:26

@Applejack5 but then the onus was also on the other girl's parents to return when they realised they had size 4 shoes not size 2. So they also committed theft.

Applejack5 · 17/07/2019 13:30

Did they definitely have the boots though? Sounds like they didn't and any looking for them at the school, couldn't find them then realised OP's DD might have them.

Either way, if they had them and realised then yes they should also return them. Both of them committing theft wouldn't make it OK for the OP though?!

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:32

@Applejack OP's dd says she saw the other girl wearing the shoes recently (after the residential).

I don't think it's theft if both parties have taken each other's items. I think Judge Judy would call it quits I.e. OP keeps her two shoes and the dad keeps his one shoe

herculepoirot2 · 17/07/2019 13:36

OP's dd says she saw the other girl wearing the shoes recently (after the residential).

Kids say all sorts of things.

SuperheroBirds · 17/07/2019 13:39

@SagAloojah and @CherryGlaze unless I’ve missed it (I have tried to read the whole thread) there is no way of knowing when the boots got switched. The boots the OP’s child saw the other child wearing may have been the child’s own. The boots might not have been mixed up until the last day of school.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:39

Kids say all sorts of things.

With that logic the other girl might be lying that OP's dd took her shoes.

herculepoirot2 · 17/07/2019 13:41

With that logic the other girl might be lying that OP's dd took her shoes.

That doesn’t really matter. It’s clear the shoes do not belong to the person who currently has them.

Applejack5 · 17/07/2019 13:42

Whoever took OP's daughter's shoes, or wherever they may be, she has a pair which are definitely not hers, therefore having realised this they should be returned to the school.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:43

@Superherobirds

OP/her dd seem sure the swap happened on the school trip.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:44

@herculepoirot2

The shoes are not the size stated by the dad (size 2) so they may not be theirs anyway. So giving the shoes to someone they don't belong to doesn't help.

herculepoirot2 · 17/07/2019 13:45

But she knows they’re not her DD’s . They need to be returned to school.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:45

Whoever took OP's daughter's shoes, or wherever they may be, she has a pair which are definitely not hers, therefore having realised this they should be returned to the school.

Not unless she gets hers back at the same time.

luckylavender · 17/07/2019 13:46

Well no one knows what happened but what we know is that your DD is wearing someone else's boots.

GiggleMcDimples · 17/07/2019 13:46

Kids sometimes accidentally take things that don't belong to them, especially if they look the same as their own. In schools they are rushed along to get changed and they put the wrong things in their bag.
It is absolutely the parents responsibility to return that property to the school or the person it belongs to as soon as they realise the mistake. What message is it sending to the child if they're allowed to keep something that doesn't belong to them?
Regardless of the fact that another shoe is lost, the shoes OP's daughter has are not hers.
It's hard luck but the shoes should go back. It's the right thing to do. OP's daughter has to go back to school with this child and risks being called a thief (not that she is as it was an honest mistake to begin with, but kids may not see it this way).

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:46

But she knows they’re not her DD’s . They need to be returned to school.

Nope, the shoes have effectively been swapped. So in the name of fairness they can only be swapped back.

herculepoirot2 · 17/07/2019 13:48

Nope, the shoes have effectively been swapped. So in the name of fairness they can only be swapped back.

They haven’t effectively been swapped. We do not know how the OP’s DD took possession of a pair of shoes she doesn’t own. We only know she did.

Applejack5 · 17/07/2019 13:48

@SagAloojah
Why should she only return them to the school if she gets hers back at the same time?

They don't belong to her. Hers being missing doesn't mean she gets to keep them.

FudgeMallowDelight · 17/07/2019 13:49

Hopefully op will come back and confirm how she knows her dd didn't accidentally take the other child's shoes for the first time after the recent school walk rather than the residential

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 13:53

OP says the shoes were swapped at the Res. I have no reason to think her or her dd are lying. It would be pointless for OP to lie.

You don't get to use someone else's shoes for a month and then cry when you lose them and demand the other pair.

JAMMFYesPlease · 17/07/2019 13:53

All these posts about OP must return the boots are missing something. The boots aren't the other child's. Unless dad admits to texting the wrong size (possible but I'd double check that info before sending to make sue it was right) then OP can't return the boots to the wrong person.

There are also a bunch of ifs, buts, and maybes. Nobody knows what happened but really the OP and the dad need to find out what happened to the third pair/person.

FudgeMallowDelight · 17/07/2019 13:56

SagAloojah Where did i say the op was lying?

sailorcherries · 17/07/2019 13:57

Sag they may not have been swapped. No one knows if the girls wore their own shoes on the walk after the trip or not, OP and her DD seem adamant that it was on the trip but they also didn't notice the DD walking around in shoes that were magically smaller either.

It may well be that the other girl never had OPs DDs boots and they are not responsible for finding them before getting their own shoes back.