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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
sailorcherries · 17/07/2019 11:28

So either the swap happened on the residential and, having then worn the shoes at a later date, no one noticed that a) their child's shoes were suddenly too big and now had insoles when they previously didn't or b) their child's shoes are smaller and no longer need the insoles and extra socks.

Or both girls had their own boots until the later walk at which point something happened. A child couldn't go home with only one shoe so I'm assuming they changed shoes for this walk. That leaves it open to either a) your daughter taking the wrong boots home and the other child not taking any home or b) the other girl not taking any shoes home, with your daughter still taking the wrong ones.

Either way neither girl, or parent, covers themselves in glory and you have no idea whether the other child actually lost the boots or whether your daughter took the other boots first and the other girl left your daughter's at school. However you seem to want to place all the blame at the door of this other child when, really, both children are responsible for the lost boot because neither of them could keep track of their own belongings. Your child is as much at fault at the other and could possibly be more so, but I doubt the whole story will come out.

You knowingly have someone else's boots. Give them back. You should then speak to your DD about keeping track of her belongings and you should be a responsible adult and label her clothes.

I do suspect that you won't return the boots and will forever provide updates that make the other family seem like CF, as you have done multiple times already.

I hope the other child has no skin conditions that could be passed to your daughter through the knowingly wearing of her boots.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 11:31

Get the parents of the other girl to pay for replacing your dd’s walking boots

Why? No one knows who actually lost them given the recent information.

mrsm43s · 17/07/2019 11:43

Surely your daughter has lost her boots. Otherwise she'd still have them.

The other girl has not lost her boots, your daughter has stolen them (albeit unintentionally, presumably).

So give the boots back to the rightful owner, and buy your DD some new boots to replace the ones she has lost. You can't just decide to take someone else's stuff to replace your own lost items.

Shodan · 17/07/2019 11:59

Hmmm.

There may be another scenario you know.

So far three sizes of boots have been mentioned:

Op's daughter's original boots - size 4.
Boots OP's daughter now has - size 3.
Boot size stated by other girl's father - size 2.

I reckon there's a third person involved- the actual owner of the size 3 boots. She is the actual thief, and all this hoo-ha is a cover-up.

herculepoirot2 · 17/07/2019 12:10

Your DD is going to be lacerated at school for knowingly walking around wearing someone else’s shoes, OP. Bullies love that shit. Give them straight back.

cakesandphotos · 17/07/2019 12:16

Your DD is going to be lacerated at school for knowingly walking around wearing someone else’s shoes, OP. Bullies love that shit. Give them straight back.

Hmm
WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 12:18

This thread is a better true crime mystery than Serial.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/07/2019 12:19

I don't think anyone is being desperately unreasonable here. The girls are not unreasonable/at fault, because the boots were identical apart from size, and accidents happen. The dad is not unreasonable to want his dd's boots back, and @daffalicious is not unreasonable to want BOTH her dd's boots back.

I'd be saying to the dad that I am happy to return the girl's boots, but I need to know what they are going to do about the fact that she has lost one of my dd's boots.

herculepoirot2 · 17/07/2019 12:19

cakesandphotos

What? She will.

SuperheroBirds · 17/07/2019 12:21

Imagine this in reverse.
Your daughter comes home from school and you ask her where her boots are. She says she couldn’t find them after a school walk.
You contact the school and one boot is found, however when you get it you realise it is the wrong size. Your daughter then tells you that another girl has the same boots and wonders if she has the correct ones. You message the other parent, and they confirm that yes they have your child’s boots.
Then the other parents says that as only one of their boots can be found they won’t return your property until you find or replace their daughter’s boots. Would you really think that was acceptable?

MyToothPain · 17/07/2019 12:23
Shock

I’m a bit stunned at how many people think it’s legit to take something that belongs to someone else and then refuse to give it back.

PuppyMonkey · 17/07/2019 12:24

Lacerated? Grin

JacquesHammer · 17/07/2019 12:24

I’m a bit stunned at how many people think it’s legit to take something that belongs to someone else and then refuse to give it back

Equally a bit convenient that dad only notices his daughter doesn’t have the right boots after one is lost...

herculepoirot2 · 17/07/2019 12:25

PuppyMonkey

Metaphorically, of course.

sailorcherries · 17/07/2019 12:31

We don't know if the other girl even lost the OPs DDs boots! For all we know OPs DD wore her own boots on the walk after the trip and then took the wrong boots home and the other girl took no boots home.

Equally it's not unusual for parents to look for things a few weeks after they go missing. The trip was a month ago and so the walk less than that. The girl might have been reminded to look for her boots and either forgot or couldn't find them, meaning the dad has waited until all the lost property has been collected at the end of term to have a good look himself.

cryer · 17/07/2019 12:32

They're kids. My ds would be oblivious to the shoes not needing the socks and now fitting him bigger. He'd just accept it and carry on.

I wouldn't be giving them back until there's two shoes to switch back with.

CastleCrasher · 17/07/2019 12:36

Well, if the other girls boots are size 2 and the ones you have aren't size 2, then surely you just reply "I've just checked DC's boots and they aren't size 2, they must be with someone else or at school, hope you find them"

Applejack5 · 17/07/2019 12:36

However they got mixed up, this fact remains:

Your daughter picked up the wrong boots and is now in possession of a pair of boots which are not hers.

Therefore, now having realised the mistake, you should return them to the school for their rightful owner to claim.

Then you can have a look for your daughter's boots, but it's a separate issue.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 12:40

Equally a bit convenient that dad only notices his daughter doesn’t have the right boots after one is lost...

That isn't what happened though. His DD had no boots, he checked lost property and only found one in a different size.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 12:42

When i say "that isn't what happened", obviously no one knows exactly what happened.

TanquerayTickles · 17/07/2019 12:48

You can argue the rights and wrongs of this all day long but the fact remains that you have another child's boots. It's unfortunate and annoying but these things happen at camp/School, particularly if things are not labelled.

In this instance I would be sucking this up, returning the boots I know aren't my daughters and making sure I label everything in future.

xotyl · 17/07/2019 12:53

Getting increasingly cross with this thread, now you know you have someone else’s property give it back. The missing boot is your problem, not theirs. One of your boots was found at school, chances are the other is there too. It wasn’t found in the other child’s house , she didn’t take your daughters boot home. Don’t let your dd keep someone else’s stuff. Just horrible even thinking that maybe ok.

CodenameVillanelle · 17/07/2019 12:54

Update please?! Grin
FWIW I think you need to ask the other parent for both boots before you swap. The DD has been using them since the trip and has lost one of her boots. The fact that it was your DD's boot (possibly) is irrelevant. She has one boot because SHE lost one. If they were her boots she'd still only have one. She doesn't get to have 2 boots because she lost someone else's!

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 12:55

Maybe you’re cross because you’re not bothering to read the thread

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 12:55

^ to @xotyl