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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give back these shoes?

506 replies

daffalicious · 16/07/2019 22:16

My daughter went on a school trip a month ago with walking boots bought the day before so brand new. She has worn them a couple of times since.
Tonight I recieved a text from another parent saying that we have his daughters boots.. they are exact same and bought new for the trip but a size smaller.
I checked and it's true we have the smaller size (I insisted on buying the bigger size even though they needed insole and extra pair of socks!)
Of course we should swap back..BUT the dad says they have been searching at school but can only find 1 of my daughters size.
So it sounds as though his daughter has left the boots at school the past month and now 1 is lost.
AIBU to not want to return the pair my daughter is happily wearing to have 1/ none?! Especially when we have walks planned and I cannot afford to buy another pair!

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 17/07/2019 10:08

@SagAloojah it’s not a deliberate dripfeed by OP, but it’s still information that’s only turned up on page 9, which puts a different slant on things. Not OP’s fault, I’m not having a go at her... as I said, I think it makes the debate more interesting!

As walking boots are not every day clothes, I think from page 1, it was reasonable to think that the father had only just found out that the boots are missing, and may have never had the OP’s pair. To me, that means: give them back.

But if the children have effectively (if inadvertently) “swapped”, then I would say that (morally, don’t know legally) the father is deemed to have accepted the swap. So he should sod off Grin

It’s just another example of how MN threads can be a lot of fun, and sometimes helpful, but we have to accept that we’re always posting without the full facts!

Rubbinghimsweetly2 · 17/07/2019 10:20

What the fuck, you need to give the boots back, they're not yours.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/07/2019 10:21

Suggest texting with:

"Of course I'm happy to return your DD's boots, but I need both my DD's back too. Please could you ask your DD to locate the missing boot."

EugenesAxe · 17/07/2019 10:21

I want a fair swap.. and they have not looked after the pair they swapped and don't care at all about that.

As many people have said you don’t have evidence of this. I think the next move here is to talk more... get confirmation of the size of their boots and double check they are labelled in UK sizing (US 3 would be a UK 2).

If at that point there’s no question you have the wrong size, say you don’t have their boots.

If it’s established you have boots in the right size for the other girl, I’m sorry you’ll have to give them back. The PP you said was playing devil’s advocate really wasn’t; she was outlining what is morally the right thing to do. Your DD is not without fault here.

When you return the boots, get an account from the dad of the other girl of exactly what she did with ‘her boots’ at the end of the trip. Whether she wore them home, if she did what she’s done with them since then. There are far too many assumptions being made about the whole of that passage of time!

ImMeantToBeWorking · 17/07/2019 10:22

It would be the height of CFery to expect a swap before the missing boot has been found. You can't just take something that doesn't belong to you, use it, lose it, and then expect a replacement, leaving someone else out of pocket.

This ^ would he even be looking to swap back if they had both boots, even if he knew they were a size bigger?

I was in scouts my whole life and I am now a leader, even kids realise pretty fast when they are missing something, we were away one weekend and a six year old realised he was missing a fork while packing (another kid had taken it by mistake as he had not checked he was taking the one with his own name on it). A mother text on the group chat as soon as her kid got home about two missing items (which were in another kids bag - this bag was packed by a leader and not the child) no other child brought anything that was not theirs home.

Either his DD did not tell him the boots were wrong, and he only noticed when one went missing, or he knew from the start and was happy to not change back, until one went missing.

SuperheroBirds · 17/07/2019 10:23

I can’t see how you can justify not returning the boots. You can’t keep something you know is not yours.

It doesn’t seem to be clear when the boots got swapped over or who actually lost one. The last time they both wore them to school your daughter could have gone in hers, taken them off, lost one, and then put on the other pair (by accident or otherwise). You don’t know that the missing boot is any more the fault of the other child than your daughter. Your daughter may have managed to finish with 2 boots, but they aren’t hers!

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 10:33

@Ellisandra understood, I’m enjoying the debate too Grin

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 10:33

@TanselleTooTall gosh that rings a bell! What was that about again?

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 10:35

@FudgeMallowDelight

So i assume your dd wore walking boots on the same recent school walk, so your dd may have accidentally brought back the other girl's boots from this recent school walk not the residential. So your dd's boots are still at school. you'd better return the boots and look for your dds which are still at school

So you’ve deduced all this without bothering to ask if this is actually what happened?

BusterGonad · 17/07/2019 10:37

@escapade1234 hmmmm it's not as simple as that though is it?

BusterGonad · 17/07/2019 10:39

Ignore me, phone didn't update!!!

Mitzicoco · 17/07/2019 10:51

But they are not your boots. Why should you keep something that isn't yours?

Adoptthisdogornot · 17/07/2019 10:53

Your dd has been wearing boots for a month. His dd has also been wearing boots for a month. They have effectively swapped (unwittingly or not, doesn't matter.) As they are not labelled he has no proof that your dd is wearing theirs or vice versa.
Now that she has lost one boot they want your pair? Cfs. Only swap back a pair for a pair (or equivalent money). Unless the boots your dd is wearing have the other child's name in them in which case that's outrageous thievery on your part!

SuzieQQQ · 17/07/2019 10:57

If the other girl has definitely worn your daughters boots since the trip it means she has lost one. Therefore her father needs to buy your daughter a new pair, or find the missing boot. Simple. Until that happens I wouldn’t be returning the boots.

DinoEggz · 17/07/2019 11:01

Given that your boots aren’t likely to be returned, I’d just say “you’ve made a mistake, DD has her own boots with her name written in. They aren’t a size 2”.

LaurieMarlow · 17/07/2019 11:04

Given that your boots aren’t likely to be returned, I’d just say “you’ve made a mistake, DD has her own boots with her name written in. They aren’t a size 2”.

But that’s dishonest.

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 11:06

Also dishonest to wear shoes for a month, lose one shoe and then complain the shoes weren’t yours.

Nesssie · 17/07/2019 11:08

OP knows the boots aren't her daughters, and is holding onto them anyway. That's theft.

Yes its annoying that you are a boot down but these boots aren't your daughters and you know it

SagAloojah · 17/07/2019 11:09

So it’s fine for the other girl to use and lose OP’s shoes?

LaurieMarlow · 17/07/2019 11:12

So it’s fine for the other girl to use and lose OP’s shoes?

Who said that? Confused

No it’s isnt, but a) that’s a separate point and b) I don’t think it’s necessarily clear exactly what happened.

The only thing that is clear at this point is that the OPs DD has boots that don’t belong to her.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 11:16

So the swap could have happened on a recent school walk?

There's no way of proving who lost the boot - the OP's DD could have picked up the other girl's boots by mistake with hers having already got misplaced in the fuss of collecting up stuff for example, she didn't lose it. No one knows. I find it hard to believe that the OP's DD has been wearing a pair of smaller boots thinking they were hers when they originally required an extra pair of socks and an insole to fit and now suddenly don't.

The point is, you know they aren't yours.

she’s been wearing them since the Residential and now lost them and conveniently remembered they aren’t her shoes.

No, she's been wearing a pair of boots that look the same since the residential. No one knows what size they were or whose they were.

SoupDragon · 17/07/2019 11:18

Also dishonest to wear shoes for a month, lose one shoe and then complain the shoes weren’t yours.

How do you know that is true? Unless either DD has admitted they knew the boots they've had since the residential weren't their's there is no way of knowing when the swap happened.

Flamingjo · 17/07/2019 11:21

Even if the child has conveniently been seen wearing walking boots since the residential it still doesn't mean that a) you get to keep someone else's property and b) that the boot mix up didn't occur at this point rather than on the residential trip. If there is ACTUAL evidence that the other child has been careless with your dd's boots then yes, they should replace them. However, there is nothing that you've said so far to suggest this is the case.

Also, why oh why would any parent NOT label their children's clothing. It's ridiculous how much time is wasted in schools looking for missing property or trying to reunite clothing to their owners. If you can't be arsed to label school clothes then you really don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to lost property.

Teddybear45 · 17/07/2019 11:24

Get the parents of the other girl to pay for replacing your dd’s walking boots and return the incorrect pair.

cheeseypuff · 17/07/2019 11:25

Surely if you had both named the boots there wouldn't have been any problem as you'd have seen the name. Therefore you're both as bad as each other IMO!!

I do think he needs to have a pair to swap though rather than one boot only.