Or am I being too mercenary

[Arewenearlytherenow]

If my partner lacks ambition in career, cannot afford a night out and lives from hand to mouth but does nothing to progress her circumstances . I see that I may sound calculated but I cannot afford to support my partner now or in the future and I don’t know what to do. She wants us to live together but I have tenants who help me to pay my mortgage. I can’t afford to pay it myself and she has literally pounds left over every Friday . She will not upskill, hates her work,moans about having no money but wants a future together . I earn well and enjoy a good life but could not financially support her going forward. Feel like a twat but I can’t see a way out . I hope I do not come across as being uncaring because I really do like her . I have many holidays and trips planned but she can not afford to do any type of trip or adventure .

Sounds like a mis match between you. Better to address it now really. You don't see a joint future together. Tell her that asap.

You are being sensible. It doesn't sound as though you like her enough to forgo the other things you want in life, and that's fair enough. I probably wouldn't either.

Not at all. You have different life aspirations and you don’t sound compatible long term.

Can love overcome this? Or do I have to forego my own financial comfort and enjoyment to maintain the relationship.

It doesn’t make financial sense to move on.

Sorry to move In.
I’d call it a day.

If my tenants leave I cannot t afford to ask her or expect her to pay a share not could she afford bills for two , a car to transport her to work aswell as food etc. Life would be existing side by side every day with literally no money left over

I really like her though . It’s taken years to meet someone so special . I do find the lack f ambition a bit of a turn off though

Nope-it doesn’t sound like you are compatible. Move on.

Ah, the lack of ambition and ability to contribute will become more of an issue over time. Cut your losses

It’s the only area that we are incompatible

I don't see any future for the two of you, really. It doesn't sound like you value the same things in life.

Bank roll for love and curtail your life and live with it, or breakup deal with it and continue with your life - your decision- what can you live with?

Just because you waited years doesn’t mean you should settle for someone who sees you as a meal ticket, and it’s no indication of how long it’d take to find someone else. I would move on.

If you stay together long term you're likely to end up with very integrated finances. If you're not happy paying proportionally according to what you earn then that's going to be a problem.

Have a long chat about what your goals are and how you want to get there.

My husband earns a lot more
Than me, I am lucky that he is happy to put his funds into a household pot, I manage the money too
For the most part though he has complete access but I am better at saving and not overspending ... he was in debt early on And I helped him get out of it by taking this on at better rates and helping him pay it off ... I guess you could say we are a team

That being said being aware I don’t bring as much to the table I have a £50 per month spending budget ( hair/ clothes / dentist / prescription / coffee / wine if I was so lucky )and he has about £300 ... I don’t expect him to find my nights out or help out financially ... I save what I can for family’s gifts from this too

But that’s how we work and it took us 8 years to get there .... it’s sounds bad doesn’t it but it works for us ... now we have progressed to mortgage, wedding And had a baby but we would never have gotten there without the conversation around money and how to do it ... I did change job too so My income jumped £6000 py honestly if your partner wants what she says she does and you love her ... talk about how / savings goals / timelines and look at where you can save money ... both of you ... save in different accounts so if it does go wrong your single with a nice pot
Of money win win

Nope, love won’t be enough to compensate for her attitude. You’ll end up resenting her bitterly and life will be miserable.

I really am not certain. I do not want to lose her and I cannot take on a second job . She earns just enough to pay her rent, run an old and troublesome car , eat and a rare trip out. She has a basic degree from 8 years ago and has literally done nothing with it only to work on a dead end job ( she says) and lives from week to week. Her previous partners have always supported her . I feel like a shit but even if I wanted to , it would be a stretch to exist . And I would like children in the future and know from family what a financial commitment they are

If she moves in, you’ll end up resenting her.

This won’t get better. Cut your losses. Ow and meet someone with shared views.

I don’t think I would have this issue if she had progressed and upskilled throughout a career and then taken time to rear children as she said she would like if we were to have a family . I have no issue in supporting what’s best for a family . Practicalities aside, she has no ambition, interest or intention of supporting herself more at the moment to improve her lot.

Why should you take on a second job? If anything, she should.

Newmum advice is good. Have the Money talk and see where she sees herself going forward. Maybe help her look for a new job,. Set up a savings account so she can save for a new car etc.

See how she responds. If she is open and willing, and wants to improve her life, you may be fine. If she has no ambition and ipunwilling to change, then sorry I think there’s no future.

You say that you can't pay your mortgage without your tenants. Doesn't sound like you are in a particularly good situation yourself.

Cut your losses and find someone else. You will resent this so much you'll lose your love for her in the end

If you do have ambition and drive, then that's a pretty big personality difference. If you are a saver and planner with money and she's more "bob along, spend what you have, hope it'll all work out in the long run", you might find sharing finances very very hard.

You need a similar approach to money to be happy in a relationship in my experience, and that's equally to how it is spent/saved as to how it is earned.

She's not the one for you.