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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would ever give the police a false alibi for your partner?

155 replies

Pleaser256 · 16/07/2019 21:24

Me and DH randomly got onto this today and he asked if I ever would, if asked. I said no, regardless of what the “crime” was. He said he would for me, but not for murder!
Wondered what the general consensus of Mumsnet was!

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 18/07/2019 13:16

No, I've seen it happen over and over in real life and it always ends in tears. Lots of people do cover for their partners but live to regret it.

thecatsthecats · 18/07/2019 14:57

Were they actually there to arrest him?

Well, being three at the time, I took my parents at their word that they wanted to talk to them to see if they;d heard anything about a burgled neighbour.

But I'm no grass, apparently!

Paradiddle · 18/07/2019 15:10

I had this discussion with my husband once. I asked him if for whatever reason I killed somebody would he lie to police to cover for me. He said he would and not only that, he would also help me to get rid of the body! I think I married the right guy Grin

MrsBethel · 18/07/2019 15:23

It's more a matter of where you would draw the line.

You can dream up extreme circumstances where we'd all lie, or the other extreme where we'd all shop them. It's the bit in the middle that's interesting.

Chloemol · 18/07/2019 15:58

No I wouldn’t

MaidenMotherCrone · 18/07/2019 16:06

Yes I would. For my DC too. There's zero chance of me being asked to do so though.

MsAwesomeDragon · 18/07/2019 16:17

I wouldn't. I actually trust that if he was innocent and just happened not to have an alibi then he wouldn't be convicted, and don't think there would be enough evidence to even go to court. Obviously it wouldn't be pleasant to be investigated, but there just wouldn't be enough evidence for them to convince anyone.

And if he was guilty of whatever it was, then I would want him to take responsibility and take the punishment like a decent person.

I'd expect the same from him. And I would expect my DC's to face the consequences of their actions too.

dancingcamper · 18/07/2019 16:25

Interesting the comments from the person who worked in the law and see this happening all the time.

I suspect a lot of the people who would consider it properly don't want to respond to this thread.

I wouldn't consider taking someone's driving points and when had a dodgy hiding money proposal put to me the answer was a straight no.

I can't imagine what the circumstances would have to be for me to give a false alibi. Not least the problem of me being a rubbish liar, it would probably make things worse when the truth came out and I would question if the person had done the crime.

Teddybear45 · 18/07/2019 16:27

No, not even for something minor.

Lougle · 18/07/2019 16:29

No, I wouldn't give a false alibi for anyone.

BitchQueen90 · 18/07/2019 16:31

No I would not. And I wouldn't for my child either. If they were innocent then presumably there wouldn't be enough evidence to charge them and if they were guilty then they need to face the consequences.

DeRigueurMortis · 18/07/2019 16:34

I don't think it's possible to be absolutely certain of what you would do before being in the situation.

My inclination however, is no, I wouldn't.

The main reasons being that:

a) not having an alibi doesn't make someone guilty. There must be other evidence that points to "guilt" that's invoking police interest

b) if I did do it and got caught the implications for the children of potentially having both parents incarcerated would be horrendous (even if the "crime" was to protect/avenge the children)

c) a good alibi needs more than just "because I said so". Even if it's "we were watching television together". It's all too easy to get tripped up by the most basic questions: "what programme?", "what did you think of that programme?". You'd have to meticulously plan every possible question/answer. If they were innocent the lying could make them look guilty.

d) I can't imagine DH ever requesting this of me. Based on the person I know, he'd never ask me to put myself in this position (same in reverse). If he did, it would be a big red flag tbh.

So as I said I can't assume exactly what I'd do, but point B would be a massive factor in making any decision.

InsertFunnyUsername · 18/07/2019 16:36

Wouldn't say a flat out No. And have done similar with one of my closest friends involving a domestic violence incident. Do not regret it one bit.

Thats not to say im the "i will protect my DP and kids no matter" type, there are plenty of scenarios where i would take them to the station myself.

Sagradafamiliar · 18/07/2019 16:38

What do you mean by that insert? Hopefully not what I think!

Avigeth · 18/07/2019 16:40

Hell no! Let them take the bastard! Grin

InsertFunnyUsername · 18/07/2019 16:43

Sagrada - what do you think i mean? Confused

It wasn't an alibi as such, i lied for her and it helped her get away.

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 18/07/2019 16:56

No. If it came to having to provide an alibi, im not sure I'd want to be in a relationship with that person.
Secondly, police/the CPS are intelligent people and I'm a terrible liar. WHEN I got caught out, I'd end up with a criminal conviction and that's my livelihood gone. Possibly also in prison too. Who'd support the DC then??

Sagradafamiliar · 18/07/2019 17:06

Thank god, insert. It read like you provided an alibi in a DV case so the abuser got away with it.

You did the right thing.

InsertFunnyUsername · 18/07/2019 18:08

Sagrada oh yes apologies, i can see how my post read. God no, faced with that horrendous situation again i would do the same.

Sagradafamiliar · 18/07/2019 18:16

You're a good friend Thanks

geekone · 18/07/2019 18:31

Nope never.

thirdcoffeeoftheday · 18/07/2019 18:55

"It's more a matter of where you would draw the line.

You can dream up extreme circumstances where we'd all lie, or the other extreme where we'd all shop them. It's the bit in the middle that's interesting."

I think I agree with this. I don't have a partner but I have a DD. If she murdered an old lady in cold blood for the contents of her purse? Obviously it would be wrong to cover for her. But if she killed a hypothetical abusive partner, I'd be there with the shovel and an alibi. I know people tend to say on these threads "well, that would count as self-defense so she wouldn't be in serious trouble" , but I don't particularly trust the law when it comes to understanding the complexities of abuse and what it does to people.

And yes, there's a massive grey area between those two extremes. I just hope I'm never in the position of having to find out where my boundaries lie!

BarryBarryTaylor · 18/07/2019 18:58

Erm yes I think I would. I know my husband and he is honest to a fault, if he found himself in this situation I would back him until the end because I know him. Same for my children.

corythatwas · 18/07/2019 19:30

I would probably expect my dh to think like me: that if he felt the cause was good enough to commit a crime for, then he wouldn't deny it either or want someone to commit a further crime on his behalf to save him from the consequences.

corythatwas · 18/07/2019 19:31

However, if this country should ever descend into fascism and we both join the resistance, then I accept that a certain amount of lying would be necessary so that the work could go on. I would find that difficult, but can just imagine a time when that would be my duty. But now is not that time.

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