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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you would ever give the police a false alibi for your partner?

155 replies

Pleaser256 · 16/07/2019 21:24

Me and DH randomly got onto this today and he asked if I ever would, if asked. I said no, regardless of what the “crime” was. He said he would for me, but not for murder!
Wondered what the general consensus of Mumsnet was!

OP posts:

wotsittoyou · 16/07/2019 22:19

No, because one of us needs to be free to look after our children if the other is in custody.

Lockheart · 16/07/2019 22:19

Lots of people will say they wouldn't provide a false alibi and would always turn in a family member.

In reality lots of them actually would. Its human nature to preserve yourself and your loved ones. It's why you hear so many stories in the news of partners being done for aiding and abetting. It's why family members don't believe children who say their relative abused them.

Most people will try and justify their way out of it. "He has to be innocent / it's a case of mistaken identity / he'd never do such a thing / he was framed / they are lying / he was provoked / he's a good man who had one too many to drink and doesn't deserve to be in trouble / everyone else was there and they aren't in trouble" etc etc.

Just human nature, that's all. It's easy to say you'd do the right thing. The reality is always far more complex.

I'd like to think I'd do the right thing. In reality who can tell?

origamiunicorn · 16/07/2019 22:19

Some of the answers on here are shocking. No wonder the Police have a difficult job. If I was in the Police I'd be cracking down on those alibis and partners by the looks of this thread!

crispysausagerolls · 16/07/2019 22:24

sunshine93

Very good point. It can’t be blanket yes because the context of the crime he’s accused of is highly relevant. Eg murder of children! But it can’t be a blanket no either because of the same.

GabsAlot · 16/07/2019 22:25

As much as it wa wrong the maxine carr thing could have been that he jsut said remember i was out that night tell them i wasnt so they can get on with loolking for the killer-who knows she might not have had any idea what he was really like

TheRedBarrows · 16/07/2019 22:26

“couldn’t work out if Maxine was stupidly naive, or desperately in love (or both).”

Both + emotionally abused and controlled.

My answer: no. Without truth and justice, and allowing justice to take it’s course in a democratic society, what lives are we living?

The next ?? years, wondering “did he do that’” “will I get caught and go to prison?”, worrying about the victim/s.

And suppose after all that he was actually innocent but because of your lie it had never been properly tested / proven in Court?

Lockheart · 16/07/2019 22:27

And people are already justifying and minimising on this thread "it's not so bad if it's only X crime and not Y crime".

This isn't having a go at anyone, it's human nature and it's just fascinating the way people work!

BluebellsAndRoses · 16/07/2019 22:28

I literally can't answer that. It depends on the crime, reasons, etc etc etc.
If it were my kids on the other hand...
I'd do anything for them.

MRex · 16/07/2019 22:32

It depends. If his alibi was being in the house when I was there but asleep then yeah, it'd make life easier to say I saw him or could hear him downstairs. If he'd left the house then no, you never know when CCTV or other witnesses could prove a lie, I'd set out to find the evidence for his real defence.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 16/07/2019 22:32

I ask OH and he also said it would depend on the crime.

LoveGrowsWhere · 16/07/2019 22:37

No. I just don't have a poker face & would be hopeless.

Serin · 16/07/2019 22:44

Depends on the crime.
Revenge against someone who had badly and deliberately hurt our children. Then possibly.
Anything else, no way, and he wouldn't want me to either.

BlueSkiesLies · 16/07/2019 22:49

No way.

ChristmasInJuly · 16/07/2019 22:50

It depends what it was. Murder / child abuse etc absolutely not, I’d leave, no idea how some women stay with monsters like that. But if he was doing something I agreed with, like defending one of our children as a previous poster has said, then yes.

4under4our · 16/07/2019 22:59

Depends on what they had done and why.

Myself and DH would both do anything to protect our family and would cover for the other if need be. I have provided a false alibi for DH under these circumstances before and I'd do it again.

MitziK · 16/07/2019 22:59

Nope. Not that he'd do anything, but if DP were asking me to lie for him, I'd answer something 'but if you weren't there, then CCTV will pick you up somewhere else, wouldn't it?/if you didn't do it, there won't be any forensic evidence that you did, would there?'.

Had somebody a long time ago say that she told her DP to come to mine and get me to say he'd been here all the time because of 'an argument'. Fortunately, he'd been picked up by the police on the way before I knew anything about it. Turned out he'd beaten the shit out of an elderly neighbour. Christ knows how I'd have been made to pay for refusing to give an alibi had he got to mine and the police had come - it doesn't bear thinking about. (have moved away and cut all communication off since then).

So no, I wouldn't.

Missproportionate · 16/07/2019 22:59

People do do this, and the reason is complicated. I don’t believe love comes into it. I do believe control and self worth do.

I know someone who was in a very controlling relationship and ended up providing an alibi for her DH when he was accused of harassment of another woman: the woman he was having an affair with. He was stalking her. The person I am close to was emotionally bullied into saying he was safe at home when he was actually stalking his mistress.
Awful awful situation. My friend was totally coerced and believed herself to be valueless in totality. He broke her.

QuiteForgetful · 16/07/2019 23:08

Of course not!

fancynancyclancy · 16/07/2019 23:17

As other posters have said it depends. If they were guilty & no reason to commit the crime then no alibi. However if the crime was to protect/avenge our family or a police stitch up/gov stitch up then yes. I watch too many movies!

TheFastandCurious · 16/07/2019 23:17

Depends who he murdered and why...

TheDarkPassenger · 16/07/2019 23:19

I don’t think I would. It would affect my entire career (police)

I dunno why someone thinks your partner is lying though, because I’m almost 100% certain my partner would provide a false alibi for me without batting an eyelid.

Tavannach · 16/07/2019 23:31

No.
He wouldn't be my partner If he even thought that I might.

MRex · 16/07/2019 23:33

I just realised most people are taking "false alibi" to mean that their DH has done something nefarious, whereas I'd taken it as backing up his alibi. It probably doesn't make a difference to my answer, because he's unlikely to be able to sneakily murder someone without leaving the house.

MrsMiggins37 · 16/07/2019 23:35

No. Makes me think of Maxine Thing and the Soham murders

This

No and I wouldn’t do it for my kids either!

Zbag14 · 16/07/2019 23:36

Yes probably

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