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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that MIL crossed a line today and to have told her so.

304 replies

BenWillbondsPants · 16/07/2019 18:49

It's DD's birthday today. MIL rang this morning to say that she would bring her present up today. I asked if she would mind leaving it until later in the week as a) DD is actually away on a residential and not here til Friday and b) I'm not well, feeling shit and wanted to go to back to bed.

She said she wanted to bring it today - I said, again, please can we leave it today. MIL says OK but I can tell not massively happy. She does like things her own way.

I go back to bed and fall asleep , I wake up to 7 missed calls from DH and call him straight back. He's walking out of work to come home as he's worried about me. I'm a bit confused and ask him why he's coming home and he tells he that his mum phoned him to say that she was outside our house and worried about me as she can't get a reply from the doorbell even though 'Ben is expecting me'. DH is worried that something has happened and gives her the code to the key safe so she can come in and check on me.

She then texts him a 'False alarm!' with a smiley face.

I go downstairs to find DDs birthday present sitting neatly on the kitchen table.

Who the fuck does that?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 16/07/2019 20:13

I admire you, OP. My MIL betrayed me 13 years ago and it still pains me I didn't stand up to her more.

Candymay · 16/07/2019 20:13

Bloody hell. How absolutely awful of her. And the rest of it about wanting to see you without your scarf. I’m furious on your behalf. So glad you have a good husband by your side and can be united on this. And well done for speaking up and telling her off. You poor lady. I hope you have a good restful rest of the week. Get back to bed every day that you feel like it!

beyoncessweatband · 16/07/2019 20:15

Not helpful but I cackled at this story. What a loon

upple · 16/07/2019 20:15

I was wondering if she'd watched you sleeping too OP, creepy.

BishopofBathandWells · 16/07/2019 20:15

I don't think I'd realised, until joining MN, how many absolutely fucking insane people there were in the world. The chemo element was the cherry on the already weird cake. She's obviously jealous of you OP, and determined to see you when you're feeling vulnerable so she can gain some kind of upper hand.

Love the PP who said send DDs gift back to MIL by recorded delivery. That's the sort of passive aggressive stuff I am here for. Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2019 20:16

Well I’d be changing the lock code for starters.

First thing I thought of, too lolly.

What a nutcase.

Karwomannghia · 16/07/2019 20:17

The false alarm thing makes me think she must have seen you were just asleep as opposed to dying, so may well have had a peek.

saraclara · 16/07/2019 20:18

Why on earth are people suggesting that she sends her daughter's birthday gift back? Who are we punishing here?

PanamaPattie · 16/07/2019 20:18

Sorry OP, but it does sound like she peeked otherwise why would she text DH "false alarm"?

Original poster
BenWillbondsPants · 16/07/2019 20:18

@GreyHairDontCare3

Do you think I should change the code then? 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
BenWillbondsPants · 16/07/2019 20:19

I'm not sending the present back, it's not mine anyway, it's DDs.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 16/07/2019 20:20

I don't need to hide behind him. I must be getting brave in my old age

I'd say the fact you have had reason to go through chemo could be a factor in your 'braveness' - you have rightly realised not to give a shit about her tantrums, or anyone else's for that matter. It's refreshing to see a post where someone has actually called the batshit relative out on their totally unreasonable behaviour. Keep it up and know that you are well and truly entitled to tell her to fuck off when she leaps across boundaries with gusto, as she did today. What a fucking nerve she has. I do hope the birthday present is something amazing after her devious efforts to drop it off! Grin

Singlenotsingle · 16/07/2019 20:20

At least she didn't come upstairs looking for you!

CSIblonde · 16/07/2019 20:21

If she tries to come round if you're not well or busy, put the catch down: & get a chain too. That's not on. And she shouldn't have the key code, get your DH to change it. I'd be livi: & and she's playing you off against each other.

eddielizzard · 16/07/2019 20:22

She's def a loon. Who asks someone who's dealing with cancer to see their head? Incredibly insensitive and just batshit really. So sorry Flowers. This is clearly a bad time and she's just making it all worse.

Oh, have you changed the code? Grin

Smokeyrobinson · 16/07/2019 20:24

YADNBU. She sounds bonkers and passive aggressive to boot. Going NC with my MIL from hell 18 years ago was the best decision we ever made as she made my life hell. Then she tried to do the same to my DD but we wouldn't allow it.

StripeySocks29 · 16/07/2019 20:28

If your daughter wasn’t even there to receive the gift why on earth did she want to bring it round anyway? I thought my MIL had done some weird things but yours takes the biscuit.

Good on you for giving her a piece of your mind!

ErikaJayne · 16/07/2019 20:29

Having seen your update about having chemo, no wonder your poor DH was so worried and about to rush home. Apart from the fact that she clearly overstepped boundaries, what a mean Mum to do that to her son.

modzy78 · 16/07/2019 20:30

Have DH take the gift to her house and hand it to her with instructions to keep it until later in the week like you asked. Give an exact date and time to make it crystal clear. Then keep the door locked with a chain or bolt for when she inevitably tries to bring it sooner.

Butterymuffin · 16/07/2019 20:31

But you must change the code OP!!! Grin

Original poster
BenWillbondsPants · 16/07/2019 20:31

Then she tried to do the same to my DD but we wouldn't allow it.

This really resonates with me. I think she's been allowed to have her own way on so many issues over the years, especially with FIL when he was alive.

DH is and always has been on to her. I've often wished they had a slightly better relationship, but gradually saw that he kept her at a distance because she is as tricky as a polecat. He's really angry about this is particular, he won't forgive her easily if at all. It's been a tricky few months and she was unkind to worry him like that.

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 16/07/2019 20:35

And she shouldn't have the key code, get your DH to change it.

^ this 😉 Just in case you didn't think to do it

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2019 20:36

He's really angry about this is particular, he won't forgive her easily if at all

I'm not surprised - he has obviously been very worried abut you for months if you've been having chemo. His stomach must turned over with dread when she said that there was no answer. God knows what must have gone through his mind.

Not to mention that if he had started to drive home in that worried, distracted state he could have had, or caused, a serious accident.

She's crackers!

cakeandchampagne · 16/07/2019 20:39

She has shown you exactly who she is. Watch your back.

PepsiLola · 16/07/2019 20:40

What an absolute horrible thing, your DH must have been scared shitless!

I honestly can't get over her, I'm glad she's not getting away with this shit this time x