Misdelivered package - aibu to not let Dh return it to right address

[yarenbaren]

Recently my DH decided to work as an independent contractor. He still often works for his previous employer but is paid significantly more. It's worked well for us as it has coincided with the birth of our first child. Although DH has more free time we're still adjusting to the insecurity of our situation (especially as I'm currently on maternity leave).

Dh can be miserly e.g the other day I fancied having lunch by the river as the weather was perfect. DH reminded me of our "financial situation" and suggested we go the following week as "we had already been out plenty" that week. I agreed. I reminded myself we don't know where DH's next role will be and I'd prefer not to dip into our savings (we are planning a significant extension).

Anyway, a package has been delivered today but it was supposed to be sent to an address 4 miles away! Dh says he will drive it over later. Aibu to think DH is being totally hypocritical? I would prefer to let the delivery company deal with it. Why should we spend the petrol money (heavy box)? DH says it's the polite thing to do.

I want to be able to enjoy this time with our first baby and not have to worry about money. Despite earning a good amount DH has made me cut back but will happily throw money now for no reason. I know I am being petty as it's only going to cost us a few pence but it's the principle. Aibu?

(it's mostly national speed limit/winding country roads to the address)

Think you just need to step away from the thread op.

FWIW, your DH sounds like he’s got a sensible head switched on. You sound petulant

What I don't get is why he accepted delivery in the first place?
You've stated it is a large box, so presumably he had to answer the door to the courier?
I'd understand him taking it in if it was for the guy across the road or the woman next door, but why would he have taken delivery when it was clearly not for either yourselves or a neighbour?

It WAS the courier's mistake, so yes they SHOULD rectify it. But since he accepted delivery (and possibly signed for receipt of it) they may argue that he is now responsible for it.

Having had issues with things for me being delivered elsewhere (and on more than one occasion still having problems locating my parcels (and getting the delivery company to take responsibility!) even after videoing me outside my front door and linking to Google Street view images of my house to prove that the front door he had taken a photo of on delivery WASN'T mine) he really needs to contact courier, explain it isn't for you, and request they come and recollect it.

Don't deliver it, even if it seems like the nice thing to do. The delivery company delivered it to your address, if the intended recipient then claims not to have received it then your DH will be held liable.

YABU in posting in a way that sounds petulant, YANBU to want to go out for treats during mat leave, HE INBU to be concerned about 'frittering' on said treats since your (as in collectively) income is not stable, YA BOTH BU not to discuss and compromise - which I think he may have been clumsily attempting by suggesting postponing lunch out until next week?

We do this.
Me: fancy takeaway?
OH: oh, could really do with Chinese.
But we ate out night before last and had takeaway not long before that.
Me: oh, I guess you're right. We'll wait till the weekend then.
^it doesn't actually make any difference if we have it tonight or Friday , we're still spending the same money, but it feels like we are being more financially responsible. -the fact that we will then go to Asda and spend the same or more on wine/crisps/chocolate is of course immaterial

What I don't get is why he accepted delivery in the first place?

I addressed this in the deleted post. Dh and I were not at home when the box was delivered. My dad accepted it and didn't think to check the label as we often have packages delivered to us.

Also, I don't plan to splurge like this forever. This is the best summer of my life and I have prepared my finances in order to enjoy my time with my baby.

If this is your living your best life the regular summers must be dire.

Oh I hate these AIBU threads

OP: AIBU?

Hive mind: Yes

OP: No I'm not....

Hive mind: Yes you are.

Repeat ad infinitum

@werideatdawn

If this is your living your best life the regular summers must be dire
My baby boy has made this best Summer of my life. No question.

You have lots of summers to come with your child.

You are investing a lot, emotionally, on this being the best one ever.

If you want it to he the best one ever and that equals lots of doing things that cost money, then put your extension back. Spend that money.

You are investing a lot, emotionally, on this being the best one ever
Becoming has already made it so. Napping in the garden with my baby boy is heaven on Earth.

If you want it to he the best one ever and that equals lots of doing things that cost money
No just a few lunches and dinners with the people I love whilst I have the time to enjoy it.

Well luckily that's not what I want.

Agree with virtually everyone else.

YABVU, petty and, frankly, quite ridiculous.

OTOH, Your DH sounds hardworking, sensible, frugal and kind and also has a pretty sensible attitude to money.

Coffees out and lunches out, aren't 'everyday expenses' when you are unsure where the next paycheck is coming from. He is right - you haven't quite grasped it yet, clearly.

It's very unlikely DH will be unable to secure a new role.

I have budgeted and saved for the coffees, meals out etc.

You are not listening to the vast majority of posters on here.

How frustrating you are

What would you have me say?

All I've said is that I'm going to spend money I've saved.

OP Yabu about the the cost of petrol.

But, I totally understand you wanting to enjoy your time off; it’s not often we get a break from work and you want to enjoy it. I understand that.

Maybe agree a weekly budget for treats like this??

All I've said is that I'm going to spend money I've saved.

I thought you had a joint finances now and your husband's work was insecure and unstable and you needed an extension? Now "you're" going to spend the money "you've" personally saved and "splurge" on having the "best summer of your life"?

Look op, no one here gives a toss what you spend your money on.really they don't. Why come and ask if you don't want to hear the answers. Your husband is the one who cares, he's the one trying to ensure your family finances are stable and you can cover periods where he may be unemployed. You don't like it and want to splurge on eating as much restaurant food as possible, or whatever, go speak to him.

I would get your DH to ring the courier company first and flag up what has happened*

Do this for a very simple reason. As soon as DH starts to deliver the item, he acquires responsibility for it. So if it is damaged, and the recipient knows DH delivered it, they'll come after you for damages. The courier will, of course, claim it was damaged by DH, not them.

Tearing through your savings because you're fixated on this being "the best summer ever" seems bizarrely short sighted.

Spend a sensible amount on treats and make sure you can have a decent autumn and winter too.

I own my house and have a decent amount of savings. I can't be that bad with money.

Your husband is the one who cares, he's the one trying to ensure your family finances are stable and you can cover periods where he may be unemployed.

Then he should've stayed in the stable job even if it paid less, at least until OP was back at work.

No but you seem incredibly resentful of the instability your DH has created in the household finances and seem determined to "teach him a lesson" by spending exactly as you had planned rather than having a sensible conversation with him about it.

you're fixated on this being "the best summer ever" seems bizarrely short sighted

Of course this is an inherently special Summer. I've become a mother. I may never have so much time to myself again. I'm going to enjoy special times with friends and family whilst I can. DH also wants this. I'm not going to dig myself into a financial hole either.

Look op, no one here gives a toss what you spend your money on.really they don't.
You could have fooled me.

You can't have it both ways. In your OP you say your husbands change in situation say is you fine and he gets paid more and it's timed nicely.
Now suddenly you're the financially responsible one who can burn through savings to have what you see is your best summer ever.

I'm afraid finances are the sort of thing that causes a wedge between people. For the sake of your marriage you may want to consider whether feeling entitled to the spendy lifestyle is worth it.

Where have I said that I am the sole financial provider?

I delayed having a baby by two years in order to be financially prepared.

Dh is now a contractor which is great in one sense as he is earning more but it also has resulted in a bit of anxiety for both of us.

It really isn’t. In fact it’s a completely normal amount in London for lunch (with a drink or two) at a decent pub or restaurant.

Pub lunch in central London last Sunday, with one soft drink each, £15 per person.