Misdelivered package - aibu to not let Dh return it to right address

[yarenbaren]

Recently my DH decided to work as an independent contractor. He still often works for his previous employer but is paid significantly more. It's worked well for us as it has coincided with the birth of our first child. Although DH has more free time we're still adjusting to the insecurity of our situation (especially as I'm currently on maternity leave).

Dh can be miserly e.g the other day I fancied having lunch by the river as the weather was perfect. DH reminded me of our "financial situation" and suggested we go the following week as "we had already been out plenty" that week. I agreed. I reminded myself we don't know where DH's next role will be and I'd prefer not to dip into our savings (we are planning a significant extension).

Anyway, a package has been delivered today but it was supposed to be sent to an address 4 miles away! Dh says he will drive it over later. Aibu to think DH is being totally hypocritical? I would prefer to let the delivery company deal with it. Why should we spend the petrol money (heavy box)? DH says it's the polite thing to do.

I want to be able to enjoy this time with our first baby and not have to worry about money. Despite earning a good amount DH has made me cut back but will happily throw money now for no reason. I know I am being petty as it's only going to cost us a few pence but it's the principle. Aibu?

(it's mostly national speed limit/winding country roads to the address)

Of course this is an inherently special Summer. I've become a mother.

Exactly. You don't need regular £50 lunches to spend quality time with your husband and baby.

Well, for god’s sake don’t ruin your special summer with petty rows over petrol costs for a misdelivered parcel!

this is mind boggling. Op. Spend as much as you want. Have the summer of your life. Eat till you pop, as long as your husband is aligned with your splurging summer, you're all good. You don't need strangers on line to agree with uou. We don't matter. He does.

Becoming has already made it so. Napping in the garden with my baby boy is heaven on Earth.

But that is short sighted. Because next summer when he is toddling about or playing in a paddling pool will be just as great. You became a mother this year, that can not be now thinking, the rest of your life will be downhill from here.

There will be new things to do with hom every summer and winter and autumn and spring.

And each year he will grow more and you will think 'ah this is the best age'

As I said. Put your extension off. Spend what you want. You dint want a few lunches and dinners with people you love.

You want a few a week. You said yourself you had done plenty this week.

And look at this way, if dh wasnt a contractor he might not have been around to just go out for lunch, even next week.

Just because you envision this summer being a particular way, doesnt mean it will be. Especially if you want an extension as well.

Choose, summer of spending or the extension.

Choose, summer of spending or the extension
I choose both because that's what we have budgeted for.

I would get your DH to ring the courier company first and flag up what has happened

Do this for a very simple reason. As soon as DH starts to deliver the item, he acquires responsibility for it. So if it is damaged, and the recipient knows DH delivered it, they'll come after you for damages. The courier will, of course, claim it was damaged by DH, not them.

All of the above.

Because next summer when he is toddling about or playing in a paddling pool will be just as great. You became a mother this year, that can not be now thinking, the rest of your life will be downhill from here

Yes, but I'll be working and commuting in and out of London. I'll probably never have such a huge chunk of free time again.

I don't think the rest of my life will be downhill. Stop putting words into my mouth.

I've emailed the courier. I couldn't get through when I rang. Dh and I agreed he isn't going drop off the package.

Look, OP, read your opening post again.

You call your DH ‘miserly’ because he reminded you that you’d already been out a lot this week. You agreed that was sensible - you don’t want to dip into savings and his next contract might be uncertain.

That’s not miserly. That’s financially prudent. If you really thought it was miserly and tight, and you can easily afford the lunch out, argue your case at the time, not agree with him.

Getting all bent out of shape about a tiny petrol cost and arguing with MN that you can afford everything you want without needing to watch what you spend ever. It can’t be true, otherwise your DH wouldn’t worry about it and you would have argued harder for the lunch out.

I got made redundant from my (previously extremely secure) job on maternity leave. You never know what’s around the corner.

As you have discovered, plenty of the pleasure of maternity leave can be in the small things that cost nothing.

I choose both because that's what we have budgeted for.

You said going out for lunch would be dipping into savings.

Your situation is changing by the minute. No one can help, because you keep changing what you are saying.

yarenbaren
I haven't mentioned anything about being sole financial person.
I just think it's odd that its all what we did and how it suits is when starting off but then it's suddenly about how it's all the money you've saved as if any of his money is joint money, but any of your money becomes spendies to eat out with regularly.

If I knew that going out for food regularly was causing a worry for my husband, I'd damn well cut back because I care about him, not moaning about how I should be able to do what I like because I want the best summer ever. That's my point, money issues cause rifts in relationships. I can't see how wanting to spend as you like whilst your DP is focusing on the extension is in any way reasonable.
You later say:
I choose both because that's what we have budgeted for
So the extension and the summer spendathon have no apparently been part of a joint budget that 'we' have agreed on and yet your partner's reservation about eating out again seems to suggest that there's different expectations here of what is a reasonable amount of spending.

It's possible to enjoy maternity leave and free time with a child without blowing through money like it's some sort of adult gap year.

I choose both because that's what we have budgeted for.

Well your husband disagrees with you, and you agreed with him, for reasons that no one here can understand as you've went from worrying about financial security, not wishing to eat into your savings, and had all ready been out a lot that week to, you're now financially secure enough to splurge as you see fit and go out as often as you please.

None of us know why you're husband doesn't seem to be aware you've budgeted for a summer splurge. Suggest you inform him pronto.

Okay money we've saved. Our finances our joint. We have saved for meals out/treats post baby so don't appreciate Dh deciding to be overly stingy now he's decided to become a contractor.

The extension and baby fund are separate.

bluntness
One may imagine that the splurge is required to feel that one is having the #bestsummerever and truly #makingmemories rather than simply enjoying maternity leave.

Just to be clear we are comfortable enough due to savings and Dh's increased salary. But there is underlying tension/anxiety due to the irregular nature of Dh's job which causes him to be a bit tight imo.

Our finances our joint. We have saved for meals out/treats post baby so don't appreciate Dh deciding to be overly stingy now he's decided to become a contractor.

But hang on, in the OP the impression given was that this change suited you all.

Now you're presenting yourself as some kind of victim in this massive unilateral change in your finances.

I would imagine that your idea of post baby treats and DH's are different. Let's get some perspective here, he was against going out for food again because you've already eaten out lots that week. In other words he doesn't think that post baby treats equals lunching out whenever, whilst you seem to think that post baby treats means spend what I want because I want a magical summer.

Was the moisturiser any good?
I think you are both being mean spirited-he for saying no to a nice lunch and you for getting arsey about delivering a parcel. Both of you unclench, problem solved

But you have been out this week.

You said yourself. You would have had to dip into savings, which you dont want to do.

And say he is earning more money. It isnt because he has become a contractor. You are just worried about stability.

But if he was a contractor he might not be available to join you on trips out for your best summer ever.

It's because you want to fill you mat leave with spending and he thinks a few times a week is enough.

he for saying no to a nice lunch and you for getting arsey about delivering a parcel.

He said wait until next week. Because they had already been out quite a bit AND the OP didnt want to dip into savings for it.

Proteinshakesandovieshat
That's it. There's absolutely 2 totally different ideas of what some meals out and treats means.

Based on this thread, I'm more in line with the DH. If someone's already been out for food that week then anything more is extravagant unless they have the means without dipping into saving pots.

The DH isn't suggesting living hand to mouth. He's just saying given their financial situation and desire for an extension that burning money on meals out isn't really what he feels is reasonable.

There is a rough weekly figure for meals out etc that we try to stick to. I recognised we had gone over it but honestly an additional £50 as a one-off (more like £40 without drinks) is not going to affect us at all. I disliked DH making it seem like we have to watch every penny. So yeah it wound me up when he then told me he was going to make an 8 mile trip for no reason.

Put it this way OP. If you were my OH there would be no buying coffee out, no lunches out and the parcel would be delivered.
You could stamp your feet all you like, but it would change nothing.
You need to seriously grow up and stop behaving like a spoilt brat.

So what you wanted to spend wasn't in the agreed budget for post baby spendies and treats.

The thing is (in my experience) is that those who just want a little treat here, or just spend that little extra there usually seem to want the little extra quite a lot, especially when in their eyes it doesn't really make much difference anyway.

An 8 mile trip doesn't come close to your spends.

What this translates to is "but I want to have my lunches out and have my best summer ever and dislike the fact you said that we'd already eaten out too much, not being able to spend money eating out is going to make my summer not as fun so I'm going to throw a strop over £2 of fuel for a kind deed, not because I have an issue with the deed but because I want to throw my toys out my pram'.

Jeez.

OP Yabu as you know yourself that you are being petty.

The rest of the shit (pot of cream, best summer, budgeting for meals out, own money, having own home and savings, having a masters) does not actually matter here.

Its just a case of being frugal and being petty. You have a good husband.

Also, just remember that aibu is a place where you should be prepared for a hive opinion. Whether its the one u like or not.

I’m waiting for a parcel that hasn’t come
Wondering now if you have got it....