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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my step mother to put a bit of effort into a small favour I'm doing her...?

242 replies

CarolineTheChemist · 16/07/2019 15:40

Hello Mumsnetters!
I need your honest and brutal opinions...

A few months ago I moved into a beautiful old house and decided to make a new name sign for the front gate as the existing one was horrible. I paint as a hobby so I'm good with a paintbrush, and the old owners had kindly left some old bits of wood and a pot of black wood paint in the garage.

I spent ages looking for a font that I felt reflected the character of the house and it's quirky name. Once DH and I had chosen our favourite font, I painted an old plank black, stencilled the house name on the wood and filled it with white acrylic. Naturally as a painted I enjoyed this and got a lot of satisfaction when I hung it on the gate.

This weekend we had a house warming party and I got a lot of compliments on my new sign. My step mother asked me to make her one as she doesn't like their current one. One of my nearby neighbours drove past recently and later text me asking where I got it from, so I offered to make her one too.

I spent some time looking up fonts for both of them - they both have different style houses so I spent some time thinking about what might suit them, and gave them about 30/40 examples to choose their faves from. My step mother hasn't looked at the options I sent her, and instead has just replied saying she wants hers to be the same font as mine.

I don't feel okay about that. They live about 15 miles away so I guess it's not really a big deal, but I spent so much time choosing a font to reflect the character of our house that I don't like it that she's not putting in that effort for hers.

I glibly replied to her earlier saying she could only have that font if she could pick it out of the selection I sent her. Now I regret that as it could be seen as a bit childish.... When I agreed to make her one I didn't expect her to want the exact same thing as ours.

The question is am I being unreasonable in feeling irritated by this?

OP posts:
PCohle · 16/07/2019 17:57

You just chose a font, you didn't create it so it's not quite the utterly unique artistic expression you seem to feel it is.

Your step mother probably thinks you're being a bit precious. She wanted a sign that looks like yours, you agreed but now are refusing to actually make her that. She probably doesn't want a sign with some random different font but now will be obliged to use it or cause offence.

swissmilk · 16/07/2019 18:02

Just choose a very similar font, she won't know the difference.
I work in design btw so I can understand why you are being so petty....but you didn't create that font....just picked it....so it's not your work or creativity that you are giving away.

strawberrisc · 16/07/2019 18:09

I think you're off your plank.

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 16/07/2019 18:29

when the reasons for you choosing it won't fit her house.

It’s a font for a frigging house nameplate, not a commission to finish the Sagrada Familia. If the stepmum likes the font, that’s all the fit needed - it’s her bloody house, after all.

SunniDay · 16/07/2019 18:31

Hi OP,
Your thread is a breath of fresh air! I think most people, even if they say YABU are tickled by your passion.

I think the crux of it is that you really care (which is lovely) but have to get your head around most other people don’t give a shit - hard for you.

My sister and partner have a bathroom shop and he is a carpenter by trade. They clean/dry down the walls of their shower every time they use it. When I tell them I don’t and have no intention of doing that I feel like someone who has allowed old mattresses and nappies to pile up in the garden.

My mum bought me some flowers and I stripped the lower leaves off and arranged them in a vase. The next day she had messed with them and said the lowest leaves wilt each day and need further picking off/water changing. My reaction “taking them back out of the vase every day - there is no way I will be doing that!” (She is retired/ I work and have a 1 year old - but to be fair wouldn’t do that anyway - I just couldn’t be bothered. I thought I was motivated to sort them out in the first place!).

Basically everyone cares about different things. Your step mum probably cares deeply about some things that you barely register.

Don’t ask her any more questions. Just make her a sign (whatever you want). You give it to her, she thanks you and you both move on with your lives.

Hope you are very happy in your home

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 16/07/2019 18:41

I have lived in my house 8 years. It has a plate on the front with the name of the house and even after all these years I couldn’t name the font. But then I don’t use the name as unless you live in a twee cotage, Manor House or other country pile they are a bit wankey.

yourestandingonmyneck · 16/07/2019 18:47

Yikes at the Mackintosh mirror Shock

Are you familiar with Charles Rennie Mackintosh? Is the artist? Has the resemblance been acknowledged

Although I would say it is more than just a resemblance.... Blush

gingerbiscuits · 16/07/2019 18:52

Seriously?? She loved your sign & wants the same - take it as the compliment it was meant as & stop overthinking it! 30-40 alternative font choices to reflect their house?? Who has time for that??

Imanamechangeninja · 16/07/2019 19:01

RTFT @yourestandingonmyneck. I think the mirror poster addressed this!

WomanLikeMeLM · 16/07/2019 19:02

First world problems 🙄

Ginger1982 · 16/07/2019 19:04

Sorry even after your updates I still say YABU and ridiculously precious. It's sign! It's not as if she's moved in next door!

Ayemama · 16/07/2019 19:08

Choose one that's similar but different. Unles she is arty she will never notice but you will always know it's not the same

SheChoseDown · 16/07/2019 19:09
Bear
CellularBlanket · 16/07/2019 19:11

YANBU - and I am staggered that so many people disagree.

You made something individual and were happy to do something individual for someone else - and she absolutely does not appreciate it at all. She might as well just buy a sign from Amazon.

I'm sure many of these people if they created a special for their DD or a unique blanket/collage for their DS's room and a friend asked for an identical one would not be fine with that.

No YANBU

CellularBlanket · 16/07/2019 19:16

Sorry - " a special dress or picture for their DD" - typos

clucky3 · 16/07/2019 19:17

Just do hers in a different font. Like you said, she can't pick out the one you used anyway, she'll not even notice

FlatheadScrewdriver · 16/07/2019 19:18

I care about detail (way too much). The best comparison to your situation I can imagine is if I sewed a quilt, or a dress, specifically for me. Spent lots of effort on fabric, pattern, colour, shape, stitch patterns etc. If someone close to me admired and asked if I could make them one I would probably say no because it takes too long and I chose to say yes, I would ask "what colours would you like?" If they said "exactly the same" I would do it, inwardly sighing and regretting my offer because it's boring to repeat things, because the whole point of their request would have been that they want one Exactly Like My One.

It's a compliment from them, and a kindness from me. You've already agreed to make them a house sign like yours. I get that making it will be a pain, but that's what I think you should do. (Next time decline!)

BarrenFieldofFucks · 16/07/2019 19:23

Honestly? It's white paint on black wood. The only potential for creativity really is the font, so that's what she likes about it.

I'd just do it,I genuinely can't imagine it will take that long?

Serin · 16/07/2019 19:30

Just be grateful it's not a bird table, I ended up making 7 of the bloody things as people kept admiring mine Grin

JuneFromBethesda · 16/07/2019 19:30

I agree that CarolineTheChemist doesn't reflect the OP's personality properly. She should change it immediately to FontOfWisdom.

oh PLEASE DO THIS

yourestandingonmyneck · 16/07/2019 19:32

@Imanamechangeninja, not that I can see? But fair enough, she doesn't have to.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 16/07/2019 19:34

Dude, do you genuinely think most people who own a house drifted into it somehow without thinking? Or is it more likely that the vast majority of people have also worked hard to raise the money, pay the mortgage etc, buy the house they love most out of what they can afford etc? And some of them may even be artistic, and yet still aren't claiming an existing font stencilled onto black painted wood with white paint as a massive artistic endeavour.

PippiDeLena · 16/07/2019 19:40

YANBU! You made a unique sign for yourself, putting lots of thought into it, and your stepmother is just saying "yeah, I want the same". It feels like it cheapens the original effort.

But I appreciate that we are in the minority and probably crazy

whenyouarereal · 16/07/2019 22:32

Oh goodness me I am art dsylexic and would have recoiled in horror at your 3-40 fonts as if it was a test I was certain to fail.

Have you thought about the fact that you may have come aross as a bit intimidating/intense to her? I have no idea what will look nice, what 'goes' together etc.

If I said I liked your sign I'd just want one that was similarly nice. Your idea of 'a bit of effort' might well be someone who finds that kind of thing tortuous.

Just have a bit of give and take, I think. She's probably way better and more into stuff that you find tedious or don't 'get' and I hope she wouldn't issue 'glib' replies the way you chose to.

whenyouarereal · 16/07/2019 22:37

I must admit I am probably projecting here because my SAHM friend spammed me endlessly with 'deorate a jamm jar' ideas and 'make your own granola' recipes via pinterest to my email until I said to her that those things aren't really what interest me.

"Well what DOES interest you?" was her demand. Lots of things actually, running at competition level, my job, my Phd...tons of things. Just not those arty things.